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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Intercourse during pregnancy

19 replies

Miajesse97 · 22/01/2018 11:01

Hey ladies right so abit of a personal one this morning , but basically I'm 15 weeks 2 days and me and my partner haven't been together intimately since I was 4 weeks pregnant. I just don't have any hormones at the moment that make me want to do anything and I fear it could cause problems with pregnancy. I know everywhere says it's safe but I just don't need the worry after especially when some cases woman bleed after. But anyway my partner is clearly getting to the point where he doesn't want to wait anymore and doesn't understand why I feel this way ?

OP posts:

Original poster

Miajesse97 · 22/01/2018 11:04

*Makes me NOT want to do anything

OP posts:

Dairymilkmuncher · 22/01/2018 11:12

Not cool of your DP!!

If you want to then just take it easy maybe use lube to get you started and see if you like it and stop if you don't. I love sec whiles pregnant (not the last few days)

I would be completely put off my Dp if he started being pushy when I wasn't up for it though

CL1982 · 22/01/2018 11:16

Bloody men. Sorry you're feeling like this.

Just a suggestion but could you kind of work up to it so you feel more comfortable about it and you still feel intimacy/love without actual sex right away? So try some kissing and cuddling one night and then maybe a bit further each night until you're comfortable? I do understand-men don't get it by it's the last bloody thing on our minds usually at 15 weeks!!!

Definitely be really frank and open about how you feel with your partner and donNt feel forced into anything. Sex is totally safe though so please don't worry about that side of it.

gryffen · 22/01/2018 11:26

I get that totally

I'm 11+1 and found out at 6 weeks and hubby is missing his hugs but would never try and be forceful about it or pushy. He teases me yes but knows why I want to wait til after the 12 week scan.

I think for me it's the fear of seeing blood on the paper when wiping, I am no way squeamish or have anxiety but you can't stop yourself freaking out a little seeing it.

To make it easier try other peoples suggestions and tell him to wrap up too - less mess.

Original poster

Miajesse97 · 22/01/2018 11:41

He just don't understand why I don't want to it's so frustrating and yeah 100% I've told him if we are to do it when I'm ready he has to wear something I don't want any thing dirty down there pregnant woman have discharge as it is thankyou 😂...and I said that I said after 12 week scan my anxiety will calm down and maybe my hormones will be back but I still feel like the most unsexual person going

OP posts:

bettydraper31 · 22/01/2018 13:14

I’m a high risk pregnancy due to previous premature baby, haven’t had sex since about 14 weeks and we only did it then because hubby had been away for 9 weeks (found out I was pg two days before he went!) and we were both up for it. Since then I haven’t been up for it for fear of another premature labour. Hubby is very understanding, clearly very horny lol but so am I! It’s not forever he will have to respect you. If not that’s what his right hand is for for a few months!!! X

ClareB83 · 22/01/2018 13:33

I know I'll be in the minority here but seriously just have sex. Sex is so important for your relationship, emotional and physical. Once you have this baby your sex life will take another hit so do it now while you can.

Sex will not hurt the baby. Even if you bash the cervix and bleed a bit that's not hurting the baby.

If you're not in the mood ask for some foreplay. But love each other and be kind to each other now while there's just two of you, that will stand your relationship in better stead for the sleepless stressful times to come than a platonic and frustrated relationship.

Hairgician · 22/01/2018 14:43

Me and dp have shagged once this preg and am 25wks. think I was about 20wks or so. Felt uncomfy like I needed a wee so we stopped. At min really don't feel like it anyway. Dp ok with it. He gets the odd hand job so hes happy😂😂

BigBaboonBum · 22/01/2018 15:27

Why do men do this? Is it sexy to have sex with somebody who doesn’t want to? as long as they’re getting a hole to wank theirselves off into? It’s bloody disgusting and worrying tbh.

I’m nearly 23 weeks and haven’t had sex since about week 6, because I just don’t want to... so that’s that

BigBaboonBum · 22/01/2018 15:32

@ClareB83 do fuck off! Don’t tell women to just have sex for the sake of their relationship. Our bodies don’t belong to our OHs to pleasure themselves with when we aren’t in the mood. Pregnancy and new motherhood are times we won’t feel like sex as a general rule, so just be kind to yourselves and realise it won’t last.
I had sex with my ex for these reasons and all I felt was used.

Wallywobbles · 22/01/2018 15:44

It can go either way. My sex drive in my first pregnancy as ridiculously high. I'm surprised my then husband dared to come home. He did tell me that he found me repugnant though so that was an ardor cooler.

Wallywobbles · 22/01/2018 15:48

Clare's not wrong though. Sex does really help intimacy and very few women are up for it with a new born. And clearly it's not going to hurt the baby and discharge of all sorts is just natural. Semen isn't dirty and nor is female discharge, pre or post anything.

ClareB83 · 22/01/2018 16:03

I'm not saying our bodies belong to our OHs. Not at all.

But I am saying it's worth making an effort to get in the mood as sex is important for both people in a relationship.

Accepting that sex will not hurt your baby is probably a big part of getting in the mood. So read the advice here and in reputable places like the NHS guidance and get comfortable with the fact you can have sex if you want to.

Then see how you feel.

Also you might want to get on with it before you get too massive for certain positions!

shelentei · 22/01/2018 16:16

I had sex at 10 weeks and I was in so much pain afterwards I couldn't move. I think it's unfair to try and force yourself to do something you really don't want to do just because the other half's are feeling horny. Surely it wouldn't be enjoyable if the other person was really not into it.

peachgreen · 22/01/2018 16:43

OP, if you simply don't want to have sex that's fine. Your DP shouldn't put pressure on you to do so. But don't not do it because you're worried it will harm the baby or be 'dirty' because those things just aren't true. It's perfectly safe (unless your doctor advises you not to which is in very rare circumstances) and perfectly clean - in fact there's evidence to suggest that unprotected sex in later pregnancy can help soften the cervix and make delivery easier.

For me, sex has been a big part of ensuring DH and I stayed close and intimately connected throughout the stresses and trials of pregnancy.

Bellamuerte · 22/01/2018 18:49

We were terrified of hurting our baby and were fearful of miscarriage after having tried for so long (we aren't young and this might be our only chance to have a baby). So when we found out we were pregnant we basically stopped having sex until after the birth. DH has been fine about it; he said it's just sex and he couldn't live with himself if anything happened.

MeadowHay · 22/01/2018 18:58

I have HG which kicked in at 6 weeks and was horrendous for about 3 months after, so was far too ill to even think about anything like that for ages. DH obv missed it, and so did I I suppose, but I was in no fit state for it and he could clearly see that and didn't ask or badger me once - and I would have been very upset if he had.

I'm 19 weeks now and doing a lot better the last few weeks, we've had sex twice now, once last week and once the week before - I made it clear I now wanted to try and re-start our sex life a bit, which he was happy about, tbh I think both days I brought it up myself as well as he's clearly conscious that he doesn't want to put pressure on me if I'm not feeling like it.

Sex is not harmful for your baby, and semen is in no way dirty (although obv if you prefer him to wear a condom, then that's up to you). Having said that, your DP is being totally out of line badgering you to have sex. You've said no, tell him you will tell him if you change his mind but in the meantime he needs to grow up and learn to respect you properly!

brogueish · 22/01/2018 20:59

It's fine, but if you're not in the mood then that's all there is to say really. We didn't have sex once during first trimester but things have ahem resumed in the second. Sex is of course important in relationships but so is trust, empathy and not feeling pressured to do anything you'd rather not, especially now.

MooChops89 · 22/01/2018 21:23

We haven't had sex since we found out - I'm 25 weeks now!! I felt rough in the beginning and we were also both terrified of miscarriage (although I'm a midwife and know it's perfectly safe, I just couldn't apply that to myself for some reason). Now I've started to feel up for it again but DH thinks it's "weird" coz the baby is so active and he can't forget she's there! So I reckon that's us now til a few weeks after birth!

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