Rant: cousin keeps sending me lots of 'breast is best' articles!

[Kittypillar]

Right, to clarify before I go into said rant: I'm absolutely planning on trying to breastfeed my baby when they're born. But I'm also realistic enough that it may not work out as I want it to - my DSis wasn't able to breastfeed as my niece was allergic to milk. I've also had a different friend who just wasn't able to either.

Now I know my cousin truly believes that breastfeeding is wonderful, and it is and that's okay. But she keeps sending me articles, videos etc promoting "breast is best", asking me over and over about my plans to breastfeed and honestly it's making me feel under a lot of pressure. Baby isn't even here yet and I guess I have a plan of what I want to happen in an ideal world, but I also don't want to get overly attached to an idea in case it just doesn't work out that way. Also, and this probably sounds mean, it just feels a little bit sanctimonious and there's literally zero acknowledgement from her that sometimes it just can't work out that way, despite best intentions. She also knows about my DSis FYI.

I probably sound really silly, but just wanted to vent :( possibly it's just as I know it broke my DSis's heart when she couldn't breastfeed and I feel defensive for her too. And I know breastfeeding is what I'd like to do but it's totally in theory at this point!

Takes deep breath and goes to make a brew

Tell her to do one.

Ignore her. Be dismissive and don't answer her questions. She'll soon get sick of pestering you when you don't respond. You'll do whatever you want with your own baby.

Oh I hate people like this. While I am all for breast feeding I am certainly not one to force it down people's throats. I had bottle fed and breast fed. I have a beautiful niece who is tube fed, another who is allergic to protein so had to have a special formula. My response when people try to push what they believe is simple. It's not breast is best or bottle is best. Simple. Fed is best! So long as the child is fed and well then it doesn't matter how they are fed so long as they are, tell her simply to do one and you will be doing what's best for you and your little one and that you don't appreciate being railroaded by her x

Can't you just tell her what you've said in your post? Ta for all the articles, you're preaching to the converted, could you lay off now, dear? or words to that effect.

"Thanks for sending all those articles. Feeling a bit overloaded with info at this stage actually but have definitely decided to give breastfeeding a go. "

Have you responded to any of this stuff she sends? If so just stop. Seriously. Don’t respond to it. Does she send it on FB messenger? If so you can mute her so she is still your friend but you don’t se her messages unless you actually go looking for them.

I was also like you planning to breastfeed but had backup ready made formula bottles in the cupboard just in case. What got me through the early bit was not sanctimonious memes but practical support. One lovely friend after tactfully establishing that I planned to try bought me a breastfeeding pillow and a bundle of goodies including scent free toiletries, nipple cream and reusable breast pads. She was happy to answer questions like ‘is this normal’ and share her records of how often her little one fed at the same age for reassurance. If your cousin is that keen that you breastfeed this is the much more likely way to achieve it in my view!
I’d be tempted to tell her that you plan to try and ask for any practical tips and info but please stop pressuring you. Ironically stress actually inhibits the release of oxytocin which encourages the let down of milk so she’s being totally counter productive if she wants you to succeed!

I responded at first saying thank you, that I would definitely try to breastfeed... That was when I thought she was just trying to be helpful. Now it's coming across as quite preachy, so maybe my original responses made it sound like I wasn't convinced, I'm not sure...

Latest thing she sent me was an educational video. I haven't responded yet. Not sure whether to ignore it entirely or to say "cheers", something else dismissive and leave it at that. Chewing it over as I can imagine if I said anything similar to my original post that she'd really take offense to it, say she was just trying to help, then my aunt will be involved etc. Family, such a joy!

Just ignore. “Cheers” sounds like you appreciate it, when you actually don’t.

Education video was simply about all of the benefits of breastfeeding by the way, not any practical tips as such. Completely agree @DrWhy, that would be much more helpful to have that kind of support.

@DonnyAndVladSittingInATree very true, want to avoid that. I know I sound like a total wuss for even considering just playing nice when it's been so constant :(

Could you say you don't want to discuss things in too much detail until baby's safely here? Tempting fate and all that?

I'd just not respond tbh, ignore everything and be non-committal if she directly talks to you about it. I'd not pick up her calls either for a while and avoid her, see if she works out why.

I would ignore it from now on. I don't feel there is any need to force any sort of info on someone if it's not wanted.
It's entirely your choice what you'd like to do, and no one else has any business to react in such a way.
Fwiw I chose not to breastfeed because I didn't want to, I didn't even want to try it. So if someone kept forcing info like that on me id of gone mad at them.

I was the same as you OP- fancied breastfeeding but very much of the opinion that if it didn't work out then it wasn't the end of the world.

As it turned out, DD refused to latch and I ended up giving her a bottle for her first feed in hospital. After that, when I did get her to latch she got very cross that she was having to work so hard for the milk after she had tasted formula. I looked down at my crying baby and in my hormonal stupor I just thought "Fuck this", grabbed my phone and ordered a Perfect Prep machine and steriliser off Amazon.

I don't regret it though, and people like your cousin make me feel guilty about the fact I don't feel guilty about it!

I hope you're more successful with BF but if not, you're right- if it doesn't work out its just not worth breaking your heart over, regardless of how many breastfeeding memes you're sent.