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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnant abroad?

13 replies

HarryHarry · 19/01/2018 22:22

Does anyone know if there is a thread or a section for this? I've looked but I couldn't find one. I feel like I'm having a very different experience to women back home in the UK but don't have anyone to discuss it with.

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Natsku · 19/01/2018 22:45

I'm abroad too, does seem to be quite a different experience to what people have in the UK. What country are you in? Is it different in a positive or negative way?

HarryHarry · 20/01/2018 00:19

Mostly negative, tbh. (I'd prefer not to say where I am in case any friends or family are on here. I am pretty sure I am the only pregnant English person in this city!) Where are you (if you want to say) and how has it been for you?

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pukekos · 20/01/2018 02:43

I’m abroad too (though system here is largely comparable). Will return to UK for a year or two once this baby is born and passports sorted out - bad timing on our part as DH will have to move before baby is born and no guarantee he’ll be able to come back for birth!

marcopront · 20/01/2018 03:20

If you post on the living overseas forum you will find lots of us who are abroad. They may not be pregnant now but most have been. Could you tell us the country at least?

Natsku · 20/01/2018 08:23

I'm in Finland. It's been mostly good, some difficulties with the midwife who's a bit rubbish and we don't communicate well - I'm the only pregnant English person in my town (there's only one other English person living permanently here, it's a small town). It's not all free like with the NHS which is a downside, I'm on anti-sickness meds and have to pay about 50 euros a month for them and will have to pay a small amount for the hospital stay. Have been through it before though with DD so not completely strange to me.

What's negative about it? Are there communication issues? Do you feel quite alone, being the only English person pregnant there? It's tough when you don't have other mums/mums-to-be to hang out with

LollyLarkin · 20/01/2018 10:24

I’m 14 weeks pregnant and living abroad. It does feel really lonely, especially as I’ve only been here a few months and don’t have a support network (which would be so helpful for my 2yo DS!)

All my doctor appointments have felt like they were going through the motions, almost as if because we don’t speak the same language they can’t be bothered to be as thorough. I have no idea when to book my follow up appointments so I just go by what they would be doing back home in UK. I’m very much my own advocate and have to read a lot so that I know I’m doing the right things.

I was pregnant in Dubai and moved to Hong Kong when I was pregnant with my first and even though that felt isolated I never felt at risk. I gave birth in a public hospital in HK, I wouldn’t even consider a private birth in my current country as I don’t feel safe health wise. I will travel back to the UK for my third trimester and give birth there.

If you want to PM me to chat, please feel free to DM.

n0ne · 20/01/2018 10:59

I've had 2 kids in the Netherlands and it's mostly been a very positive (if a bit confusing and lonely) experience. What are your concerns?

BaronessBomburst · 20/01/2018 11:08

I had DS in the Netherlands and agree with n0ne that it was a positive experience, better than the UK based on what I've read here, and relatives' experiences.
I was very lonely though as had no family, apart from DH, and was off work the whole 9 months throwing up.

What in particular is bothering you?

PrimeraVez · 20/01/2018 15:38

I'm pregnant with my second baby and will deliver in Dubai. I had my first here as well, two years ago. I've been really happy with my care, although I would have liked the option of a home birth this time (it's ilegal here)

Is there anything specifically concerning you?

HarryHarry · 20/01/2018 15:44

In terms of health care, it's been OK, perhaps even better than the UK in some respects. Even though my doctor and I don't speak each other's languages fluently, we do manage to communicate somehow. Like LollyLarkin, though, I feel there are some things she just doesn't tell me because she doesn't know how / can't be bothered to explain in English so I've had to figure them out for myself. Also, I recently found out that certain things just aren't available here, for example, gas and air. And they haven't even heard of birthing pools. For pain relief, it's an epidural or nothing. It's not at all how I wanted it to be - I expected to at least have a few different options - so I'm slightly more anxious than I think I would have been in the UK.

However, the main issue is the loneliness and isolation. I often feel like I'm invisible here. I have no friends or family in this country, so there's no one to vent to about the minor everyday things, which then start to build up and wear me down. Also, I don't know if it's the same everywhere now but I'm constantly surprised and disappointed by how rude and inconsiderate people can be here - not holding doors open for the person behind them, not offering their seats on public transport, pushing people out of the way on the icy, snow-covered streets - even when they can see you're heavily pregnant, exhausted, and struggling to stay on your feet. It's actually kind of scary sometimes.

Then there are the more trivial things, like not being able to find the food you want to eat (food is really bad here, mostly junk food-type stuff, not much choice for veg or salad dishes) or the things you need for the baby (most products are pretty low-quality compared to the UK).

I know these aren't real problems, so I don't want to bother my friends with them, because everybody's got their own stuff to deal with, and I can't talk to my family about them because they obviously don't care. But I can't pretend these things aren't getting to me.

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LollyLarkin · 20/01/2018 18:06

It’s really hard work. The one time you really want creature comforts! I found it very tricky suffering morning sickness and not being able to get plain Jacobs style crackers, the simple things that you’d never notice normally!

Two lifelines for me while living abroad have been using iherb and Britishcornershop.co.uk. for ordering stuff online, they deliver worldwide. iherb are great for baby food, vitamins and Munchkin brand baby products, delivery and prices are reasonable. British corner shop have much more expensive shipping but an amazing range of things that you can never get in far flung places.

If it’s any consolation, I found that once I had a baby in a pram people were far more helpful and accommodating. Where I live they just adore little kids, I hope it’s the same for you too Smile

PrimeraVez · 22/01/2018 07:57

It might not be available where you are, but have you looked at Shop and Ship? It's a way of ordering stuff from UK websites and getting it delivered to you overseas.

Also, you haven't said where you are, but you might be surprised at which UK online shops will deliver to you - as I say, I'm in Dubai but get most of my maternity clothes from Asos and have ordered most of the baby clothes from Next.

Is there any online support for expectant mums in your country? I'm thinking Facebook groups, forums etc. How about trying something like prenatal yoga or a prenatal exercise class? It's a great chance to meet/chat with other mums at a similar stage to you. I appreciate it's not quite the same if they're locals and you're not, but it might be better than nothing?

Finally, is it an option for you to have the baby in the UK? If you're that unhappy, is this something worth looking into it?

HarryHarry · 24/01/2018 00:52

I've been ordering stuff from britsuperstore.com Grin - expensive but worth it.

I've also ordered some maternity clothes from Asos and some baby clothes from John Lewis.

Unfortunately there are no prenatal classes of any kind here in English! And I'm only a few weeks away from my due date, so it's too late to go back to the UK. (I'd rather not say which country I'm in, even that would be enough to give me away to family and friends, I think).

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