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Original poster

Anyone else being bomabared with unwanted advice?

28 replies

beckmo · 27/04/2007 10:12

This could turn into a moan...but...

Anyone else having to listen to friend's horrendous birth stories when they never felt the need to tell you before.

Or tackle the almost constant reply of "Well, enjoy it now because you won't be able to do that once the baby is born" when you mention ANYTHING you have done.

Or even,for example this weekend, face a grilling on how often you are doing your pelvic floors and if you are massaging your perineum with almond oil regularly off a "concerned"female friend?It's driving me nuts and scaring me about labour. How do others deal with this and what have they had to put up with?Will I do this once I have a child?

Or is it just my "friends" that seem unable to control themselves and have developed a strange interest in my genital area?!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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EllieKthePA · 27/04/2007 10:15

no, it's a common problem

just smile and nod, then once you've had your baby slap yourself if you start doing it

hertsnessex · 27/04/2007 10:15

lots and lots of ppl do this (i have been the receiver and giver of this information in the past!)

now i just say nothing unless asked, and dont go into details of my births with friends at all!

in my job i give 'information' but its not advice and its totally upto that person what they want to do with that info.

take it all with a pinch of salt, everyones bodies, labours and childrearing ideas are different and you will find what works for you.

cx

traumatisedatnight · 27/04/2007 10:19

just ignore it all, i'm sure some of the advice is useful and all well-meaning but just tell your friends that they are scaring you. this well meaning advice will bound to go on once you have your baby, mine is 3 months old now and i think people have finally got the message (or lost interest!)
i was driven mad by people telling me what i should be doing for the first six weeks until i posted a plea for help on mn. after that i just stopped listening to those who thought they knew best and, guess what? i'm very happy and relaxed!

traumatisedatnight · 27/04/2007 10:19

despit what my name implies! sorry!

Original poster
beckmo · 27/04/2007 10:26

LOL!That's a great name traumatised one...

I think I'm super sensitive at the moment as I was able to brush it off before and jokingly tick my mates off but it seems neverending now.

I even had a male,childless acquaintance asking me what on earth I was doing eating peanut butter the other day and another one telling me 'breast was best'. I think what upsets me is that , well meaning as they all are, it implies I'm a bit stupid and haven't done my own research (I was a peadeatric nurse for 12 years too!).

OP posts:
elkiedee · 27/04/2007 10:30

My most bizarre piece of advice was from a very pleasant but eccentric temporary secretary who recently started work in the department where I work, who on my last day told me how I should use Persil non-biological washing powder at great length. I use non-bio but usually supermarket own brand, but she talked about it at such length I wondered what her interest in that specific product was!

Most of my mum's advice is ok, she has done it 3 times herself, but my dad's opinions, sigh....

Original poster
beckmo · 27/04/2007 11:00

My Mother in law recently told me that labour was "Easy, all you need is your husband to give you a little back massage. If it gets painful they give you a little injection anyway."

I asked if she meant a little injection in her spine. Of morphine.

Obviously 30 years has dimmed her memory!

OP posts:
pudding77 · 27/04/2007 12:13

beckmo, I had complete strangers telling me their birth stories . If anyone started I just use to say I didn't want to know!

The advice stuff I mostly ignored unless I thought it was worth it!

RGPargy · 27/04/2007 12:29

It's been 17 years since my first pregnancy but i still remember everyone trying to give me "advice" lol.

I have a very lovely mother-in-law (well, not quite, but she will be one day) who keeps harping on about how "breast is best". At the end of the day, i will try it again, but if i dont get on with it, i've got no qualms about sticking the baby on the bottle! Anything for a relaxed baby and relaxed parents!!

Just do what YOU think is right and as others have said, dont listen to horror stories, and ignore their advice unless you think it's a handy little tip that could do you a favour.

Original poster
beckmo · 27/04/2007 16:58

I have had some very good advice too...its just the blood and guts/ no sleep/ toddler tantrum stuff that is annoying!

Funnily enough RGpargy -my Mother in Law is the opposite. She keeps telling me that breastfeeding is a waste of time and that she tried for one day and gave up!In fact if she tells me one more time that she has "very small nipples" I'm going to throw up!

OP posts:
Loopymumsy · 27/04/2007 18:19

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Original poster
beckmo · 27/04/2007 18:38

Loopymumsy I'm sure you give great advice to your friends!

OP posts:
CaptainUnderpants · 27/04/2007 18:46

It comes with being pregnant - if you want my advice dont worry about it - pick out the bits you like , forget about the bits you dont {grin]

Loopymumsy · 27/04/2007 18:51

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lazycat · 27/04/2007 18:57

I've had lots of annoying advice. Why doesn't anyone ever advise me to sleep more? Or eat more chocolate (for the iron, obviously )?

MaeWest · 27/04/2007 19:03

When my mother was pg with me she was told by both her mother and MIL that lifting her arms above her head during pg would cause the cord to go round the baby's neck (how random is that???). How she was supposed to get things off high shelves I don't know. Just smile and nod, smile and nod, and definitely don't listen to any birth horror stories (why are people so keen to scare you?). Good luck, sure you'll be fine

Loopymumsy · 27/04/2007 19:23

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lazycat · 27/04/2007 21:25

Right. I'll start on this tub of chocolate ice cream as soon as I wake up.

CorrieDale · 27/04/2007 21:31

I've noticed that nobody ever tells me their happy birth stories (apart from my doula), but they are queuing up with their horror stories. Or when I say I'm planning for a homebirth, they raise an eyebrow and smile pityingly.

Loopymumsy · 27/04/2007 22:30

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hertsnessex · 28/04/2007 08:20

my 2nd birth was v empowering after the 'mess' that the first one was. it vertainly made a diference that i had read alot aand thought about what i wanted before hand 2nd time round.

cx

RGPargy · 28/04/2007 08:31

I want to have a home water birth too!

I saw it on this baby channel on Sky and it looked so much more natural than lying on your back in a hospital room!!

Mind you, i think in the last 17 years women dont lie on their backs to delivery any more - such an unnatural position!!!

MrsHarry · 28/04/2007 18:34

I'm an infant teacher so at work am surrounded by lots of other women of varying ages, all of whom want to know how I am (nice, but daily it gets a bit wearing.)

At break times in the staffroom they all start telling me their own birth experiences (some from 20-odd yrs ago). After a while I sort of slip out of the conversation and just let them all carry on with it while I eat all the chocolate digestives!!

Loopymumsy · 29/04/2007 13:09

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RGPargy · 29/04/2007 14:02

Loopy, have you had one? The one on the telly looked so much less painful than my "flat on ya back" birth 16 years ago!!

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