Question: 18 month age gaps - good? Bad?

[pacempercutiens]

My husband and I have just had our first (15 weeks old) and have been discussing age gaps. We're looking at having 2 fairly close together, then a larger age gap, then 2 more if we can afford it.

Our thoughts at the moment are that we'd like an 18 month age gap. I was just wondering if anyone could share their experiences with that please?

I have a sister 18 months younger than me who I get on ok with, and a brother 6 years younger who I get on amazingly with and always have done, however, I think that's more to do with personality than anything else (and not having to share a room with my brother :p)

My concerns are mainly around the 2 DC getting on well. Concerns raised by family are potting training DC1 whilst having a 6 month ish old.
Other concerns are is it too soon after C section.

Thanks for reading my waffle

Congrats on your little one!

C section would be a major consideration for me. Check with a medical professional but IIRC I think they advise waiting 2 years before falling pregnant again.

Also... you might have an easy baby and a brilliant sleeper... but wait until you’ve passed the 4 month sleep regression mark before making any decisions

As your own experience shows, there isn’t necessarily a correlation between the age gap and the closeness of the DC. It’s impossible to control or predict.

Can you afford two in childcare, or for one parent to SAH?

Not sure how to tag but

NameChange30 - my midwife just said conception at about 9/10 months would be ok, but VBAC wouldn't be an option unless over 1 year

Buxbaum - we're very lucky in that grandparents could (and want to) cover the whole week if needed. But I'll only be working 2 days a week

My two are 19 months apart and it's great. They get on brilliantly. Of course they fight and argue but generally they like the same things, occupy each other and play together really well. They are 6 and 7 now. Expecting DC3 now so this big age gap will be all new to me.

Almost exactly 2 years between my 2. Youngest is only 4 weeks and it's pretty tough so far. 2 year old doesn't really get that newborn needs to feed a lot and that I can't run around with her all day anymore. Going out is a bit of a nightmare. If I need to feed newborn then I have to leave toddler strapped into the buggy so she doesn't wander off or get into mischief which she is not happy about at all. I wouldn't want a smaller gap because she does at least understand when I explain things to her even if she doesn't accept it!
Sometimes there's no choice but to let the baby cry while I make toddler's food, get her dressed, put her down for a nap etc and I really struggle with that. First born was never left to cry.
I'm sure they'll love playing together eventually but don't underestimate how hard the early part will be on everyone.

I was going for the 2 year age gap, so that hopefully the siblings will like similar things at the same time, but not be competing against each other.

It looks like in reality that it's going to be a 22 month age gap... I'm glad it's not any sooner as DD has only just started walking independently at 21 months.

My DB is 22 months younger than me. My DM said it was super hard when we were very little, we used to fight a lot and very physically too...I still have a little scar on my face from when my DB hit me with a stepping stool thing! But my parents lived miles away from any family so didn't have any support at all. Generally we have gotten along fairly well - when we were little we did used to fight, but I have many memories of playing together. There was a brief period of time when I was going off to uni and going out with DH then getting engaged and married etc for a couple of years around that time my DB became very funny with me and would barely talk to me (particularly complicated by cultural/family issues) but gradually got over that and now at 24 and 22 we get on very well again. We are very different but we do have things in common too. Incidentally my DSis was born about 30 months after DB and they've generally had a good relationship too until recently, whereas I've never really had a good relationship with her - she's always been immature for her age and me mature for mine so I think the age gap meant from the start we wouldn't get on. Maybe as she matures that will change in future.