Mothers/In laws

[Meerkat91]

Anyone else finds their mothers or in laws are making their pregnancy a lot harder than it needs to be. Mine is kicking off because for some many different reasons.

1: because when I have US appoiments they only allow me n oh in room.
2: Because I won't let her buy any of the big bits. As a mother to be it's my responsibility to buy it.
3: because I don't want her there when I give birth. She said she has to be for my oh, he has mild LD but he's not thick. He understands what's happening. She said he won't cope so she will be there so he Don't have to. Not happening.
4:we want to keep his name a secret till he's born. But that's wrong apparently
5:she is on strong pain meds that knock her out, make her dowsy. She nearly crashed the other because of her meds and she wants our child every weekend while she takes these meds again a no no for us. As she not safe.
I'm being a made out to be a horrible bitch. But I'm fact I'm just doing what I believe is right. When I was growing she was a crap mother and just dumped me here there and everywhere and she wants me to do the same.

Not really got any advice OP but I wouldn't be able to cope with a mother in law like that. My in laws live an hour away and I don't really have a lot to do with them. I'm selfish and like it this way though. My mum is very supportive and wants to be very involved but she isn't overbearing at all. She's just very helpful x

Fair dos your mum sounds proper hard work! Hope she calms down and backs off when she realises she isn’t going to get her own way!

Do whatever feels right for you. You don't need the additional stress of having to deal with a person who from the sounds of it you don't quite trust. It's a hard time, it's a joyful time, but most of all it needs to be a peaceful time. Could you not ask her to help out with other stuff. Pre cooked food etc.
I had a hard time with my child's birth as everyone wanted to be present in the room. That's not possible and I just wanted DH and myself and some quiet non camera time with the new born.
If it will bother you - leave her out, be clear, don't give reasons but also see if she wishes to help in any other way - she clearly wants to be involved!

I have said she more than welcome to help out with little bits etc. But that's not good enough. She wants to stay here for 3 weeks after he's born. We live in a one bed flat atm so it's not possible. And again I'm not having someone high on morphine around my child.

She sounds like she thinks this is her baby.
What does DP say about it all?

I agree with you. She said she has waited 10 years for this. Yeah same it's me who had 2 mc 9 years apart and got told I couldn't carry. But when i said that to her she goes yeah but being a grandparent is more important. 😣😣 Dp? You meaning my partner I'm guessing. He's losing his mind over it. He has even told her how he feels and her words were well I don't see why I'm just doing what I have to. And you need to stop taking her side (meaning me)when she is the one in the wrong.

I’m glad you’re both singing from the same hymn sheet.
She can be as pissed off and arsey as she likes. She can’t make any demands. If she starts kicking off tell her, you do this on our terms or not at all!

Thanks hun. It's kinda got to the point. I've never had the best relationship with her. Think becoming a mother myself has really made me think more about what I want and what my little boy needs

Just say no.

If she won't accept no then that's her problem. She can't steal the name out of your head. If you don't tell her you're in labour or when your appointments are she can't do anything or turn up.

She'll get the jist eventually

Good luck x

This sounds tough! I would just tell her straight what is happening. (It’s just us at the birth, we’re keeping the name a secret etc) and don’t let her argue the point or try to intimidate you into backing down. The only thing I would say is let her help you out with buying big things if she’s offering! (As long as you’re trying to choose those bits!) as it is a massive help when you have everything to buy. Some mums see it as a tradition, my mum wanted to by my pram for my first xx

*as long as you’re getting to choose those bits I meant

She wants the children every weekend?? Lol?? She’s a grandparent not a parent after a breakup! How random!!
And no way I’d allow anybody else in the room when I’m giving birth. Nor should she be invited to USs if that’s what you wish. Maybe she could pay for a private one for you all if that’s what she wants

That's the thing she won't let me choose it. Because it's not her taste and she wanted to buy a buggy second hand. That's a no no. Big stuff has to be new for me.
The thing is as well she on strong meds that make her dangerous but she don't listen to us and says I'm bullying her

That's right. She thinks we can't cope. It's because she didn't cope when I was a baby

Sounds very familiar.. I feel your pain. My MIL wanted to be in the hosp when I was giving birth to my 1st. She started buying alsorts of bits - when I was telling her it was way too earlier - I was so nervous coz it has taken so long to conceive.
Then they get all annoyed when you tell them to back off! Not what you need when your pregs.

Yes defo.

Thanks for all your comments I even started to doubt myself if what I'm doing was right or not. Because she plays the guilt trip card so much

You are not doing this to be mean or controlling.
You have highlighted some points that are either worrying (the morphine situation)
Or just totally unfair asks ( her innterupting a moment at the birth that should only be for you and dp to meet baby)
Stay on the same page as your partner and be firm. Good luck for delivery and meeting your son

My MIL is a low level nightmare. Nip it in the bud and be very firm (and then tell me how to do it!!) because 20 months in my MIL is just getting worse.

She sounds a nightmare op but well done for standing up to her. You're doing all of the right things, just keep being strong and saying no.

Sounds all too familiar on so many levels. I tried so hard to be nice about it and desperately wanted to maintain a relationship at the time. 10 years later she's still the same but we keep her at arms length and everyone is happier for it. For your own sanity you need to be firm. Particularly about the birth. We said no to this and told her the truth, that only one birthing partner was allowed at our hospital. She rang the labour ward while I was in labour shouting at the midwives. I've never been so stressed and embarrassed. Nip it in the bud now x

If she's a 'crap' mother then why are you allowing her to be so involved in your life. You don't owe it to her to allow her to be involved in your life if it is upsetting you. I had a crap mother too. It was difficult distancing myself from her but when I did I felt like a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders.

Defo going to try and stand up to her more.
She was sorting herself out started making up for she's dones wrong which is why I allowed her to be in my life again. It's only since I been pregnant she's got worse. She is kicking of because me and oh have a funeral next week to attend miles away. It's his family not mine so I'm going just to support him and she has it in her head il tell them everything about the baby etc. Same with my friend who will be god mother. We aren't telling anyone anything more than what they know already.

I'm 28 not 16 grrrrrr. Families