Fetal abnormality and deciding to terminate

[Emelyeb]

We’ve just found out (Thursday) at 12 week scan that our baby is severely deformed- dave not formed properly, no chin, legs, hands and stomach not developed properly. Everything in my body is working fine and the baby’s heart is still beating, but if born the baby would be severely disabled and would have no proper life. We are devastated, but have made the decision to terminate for the baby’s sake. I’ve never experienced anything like this in my life and the grief and sadness is so scary, sometimes I feel like I can’t even move or lift my head. I’ve opted to have a medical termination where I take a pill (this is happening today) which stops the pregnancy then on Tuesday, I go in to the hospital and take another pill which causes contractions and my body to expel the baby. Surgical removal would have been less traumatic but I can’t risk any damage to my body or to a future pregnancy/ baby. I’m sad that I have to put my partner through this. If anyone has had something similar happen or has any advice I would really appreciate it, I’m just not sure how I am going to get through this. The future we had planned has just disappeared, the little baby that’s been growing inside me won’t be here after today. I’m sorry this is a sad post, but I could really do with some help right now. X

So sorry you're going through this.

I just wanted to add in case you are thinking about it that I had a d&c earlier in the year for a miscarriage at 11 weeks. I also had the option of the medical management route, but was advised against it. Surgical management is perfectly safe and honestly it was a really positive experience for me, as positive as things can be in these situations. I think definitely it saved me the trauma of going through it at home alone.

The risks are very small (I think about 1% in recent studies) that you could go on to have further fertility problems as a result. I recovered well and went on to get pregnant again the next month. I'm now 36 weeks with that baby and have had an easy, uneventful pregnancy. I'm also 37, so not young either.

So if you are happy with the plan you've put in place, definitely go forward, but if you aren't sure, then do explore your surgical options as I think it was definitely the best approach for me. Sending you hugs

Thanks again everyone, it’s so nice to read your kind meaaages.

@mindutopia - thank you for taking the time to give me your advice, I appreciate that and very kind of you. Because I had a surgical abortion when I was younger, having another one increased the risk of second trimester issues and cervix funnelling for future pregancies- so I just couldn’t live with knowing there was even the slightest possibility of harming a future pregnancy, despite being really scared of the medical termination. I’ve had the first pill to end the pregnancy yesterday and tomorrow will go in to the hospital for the rest where I’ll have a nurse with me and pain relief.

@AnotherBunIntOven - again, thanks so much for taking the time to write that message and tell me about your experience, it definitely helps me feel less alone. With this being our first pregnancy and it was a little out of the blue (although of course a wonderful surprise!) we were a bit naive and did already tell a fair few people the news. It’s been hard telling everyone and we do feel silly for not holding back until after 12 weeks, but everyone has been very kind and supportive.

Some moments it’s like I feel nothing and then all of a sudden out of nowhere I can’t breath, I feel hot and sick and the tears just come flooding, I’ve never experienced these things before, I’ve never had a loved one die, I’m totally new to greif. But it’s good to hear other people’s stories and to realise what I’m going through is normal, so to speak. Tomorrow I go to hospital for the mini-labour, I’m scared but know I’ve got to be strong and get through it. Xx

Xxx

Xxx

@mindutopia possibly this was less risky for you at 11 weeks - had your baby stopped growing at an earlier point as well ie. mmc? The cartilage starts to harden in the 4th month which can mean it’s more risky with d&c type procedures at a later stage. Hope you’re not offended by me saying this.

Thinking of you op your hormones will be all over the place for a week or do after (at least) so take all the support that is offered.

I am so sorry. Thinking of you. xx

What a sad thread. OP, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.

I hope you have lots of support around you. I hope your partner is ok.