Unsupportive boyfriend

[Katiekiara]

Hi, I’m writing on here after finding out I’m pregnant. The doctors can’t figure out if I’m 4-5 weeks or 8-9 as I had what docs believed to be miscarriage last month, but now they are unsure whether this is the same pregnancy so I have a scan on Saturday. I went to the hospital today in pain with my friend as my boyfriend was working and he doesn’t like hospitals. I came back today and he seems totally uninterested in what happened, he asked me “what are you going to do then?” (This hurt me as I thought it should be more “we” than “you”), As he thinks its more my decision than his, he also made a comment about how he’s had a hard day at work and at least I’ve been just waiting in hospital not doing much, which I think is totally unfair. He’s usually so sweet but he’s so insensitive when it comes to this topic. I feel to just go to my scan alone on Saturday and then get a termination, I can’t do this on my own and he makes me feel like I am. He doesn’t like to talk about it and when he does he’s just mean.
Sad, hormonal and lonely :( that’s the only way to sum up my feelings this evening

Sorry you are going through this.
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and what's the situation with your boyfriend? Have you been together long? Do you live together? Have you ever talked about having a baby?
It can be very confusing for men when their partner is pregnant, even if it was planned.
Try and give him time but don't rely on his actions to make a decision on whether to keep the baby or not. You will be the one who will have to live with the decision for the rest of your life.

@peanutty86 I’m 21 he’s turning 22, we are trying to save for a mortgage together but st the moment I spend most of my time at his dads house where my boyfriend lives, although I do stay at family home once or twice every week. The baby is not planned although we’ve spoke about it before, after the miscarriage I was actually meant to go and get the injection today but after finding out I was pregnant on Monday I have cancelled that. We have been together for a year and a half. I would definitely

...cont*... not have the support from my family as they believe in waiting until after marriage and they didn’t have children until 30+. As bad as it sounds I know they would look down on me so I couldn’t rely on them for support if I was on my own, they’re very set in their old fashioned ways

Don't take yourself in for abortion if it's not what you want. And def not because your partner wants it. If you werent planning a baby then contraception should have been a no brainer. And its not just your responsibility to have that covered so d9nt let him blame you.
As for your family, you might be surprised. They may initially be upset but they will soon come round. It's notes if you are a young teen, you are a grown up.
My dp is Catholic and his parents very traditional so didnt go down well when told but they soon got over it.
You both need to have a serious chat about this as it's not going to just go away. Xx

I just feel like it’s such a huge decision to make myself but he doesn’t seem to want to talk about it. As far as he is concerned he will go along with whatever I decide? Which is silly as it’s such a big choice.

But ultimately it IS your choice.

Talk to each other and listen to each other but this is your body and you are the one with the final say.

We're you trying for a baby? To have potentially conceived, had a loss and conceived again in two months suggests that you were.

I am also 21 and my boyfriend 25 when we first found out I was pregnant he was exactly the same it pushed us apart so much I even moved back to my mums for 2 months but as soon as the idea settled in and he came to the 20 weeks scan everything changed. He is not more excited that me if that’s even possible. It can be more of a shock for men my boyfriend said he acted the way he did as he instantly thought about the money situation and the thought of a baby depending wholey on him but as soon as your bump starts to show and you by your first baby grow things will be different I am sure. Good luck and I hope this helps! Xx

XH took the same attitude when I had a bleed early on carrying DS1. I thought I was losing him and had to go to hospital and he wouldn’t get out of bed. I’m afraid it didn’t get any better.