Pregnant at 45 - that wasn't the plan

[Piercy]

Hello

Looking for balanced views. Found out this weekend just gone I'm pregnant with my 2nd. DS is coming up for 5; we had planned to have a 2nd but didn't fall for ages then lost the pregnancy due to Edwards.

Very mixed emotions as we had our lives plotted and very happy, and due to the length of time that has now past we would struggle financially - and I feel we are going back to the beginning.

My DH is 52 this year I love my job and thrown myself in to my career.

I'm reading up on the challenges being pregnant and successful pregnancy at this age - I do not want to go through another loss we had previously - I had accepted we were going to have a baby I've not accepted this pregnancy at all (I think it helps that apart from sore boobs I wouldn't know I was pregnant).

Any experience in being an older mum??

my sister got pregnant with her second child at 46 after having a baby terminated with Edward' Syndrome. There is an 8 year gap between her first child and her second and she had had several miscarriages as well.

She absolutely adores both children and her youngest has brought her so much joy. It was not a planned pregnancy, she had given up. So there is light ahead! They are not well off, but this child was a blessing.

I am an older mum having had DD at 41 and DS at 48. He is 7 months now and
it has been great so far. DD loves him and is great with him - a large gap makes it a bit easier as she can help with things and left a bit to her own devices (slightly less easy with your age gap I guess but still better than a toddler and baby). I haven't been any more tired as a result of being older this time round - in fact co-sleeping has meant I have got a fair amount of sleep each night -but that's not for everyone obviously.

Personally I would say go for it. I love having two and have loved being off on maternity leave. But obviously finances are hit by it. I have accepted that early retirement is not going to be an option for me!

I got pregnant at 45 with my 3rd (already had 2 under 4) first time I convinced my husband to try with reassurance it wouldn't happen as I was still breastfeeding!! Pregnancy was very easy and child has been easiest ever. I had cvs at 10 weeks privately to reduce risks. At the time I didn't feel old at all however 10 years on I do feel old at the school gates. I had already "retired" pre kids with enough income to not need to work again so don't have the worry of working until they are 18. I wouldn't change my decision as the child is so easy but am very aware that might not have been the case and life could have been very different. I was desperate to have a third and likely would have wanted to try again if surgeon hadn't told DH a 4th section would be fatal.

Also, funnily enough I feel younger and more energised in a weird way. Many of my friends are looking at their 50th birthdays with a fair amount of dread. Mine is this year and except for a slight feeling of embarrassment at being so old with a young baby, it is just not a concern for me. Having no time to think about it probably helps! Now obviously you are years away from that milestone but feeling younger than your years is still a nice side benefit of older motherhood.

Hi, I can completely relate. I'm almost 44, had DD at 40, and have lost two since, the last due to Patau Syndrome.

This morning I poas on a whim and, hey presto, two lines. It's stupidly early as well, and given my history I am terrified. I felt I was just getting my life back on track after losing babies in Dec 16 and May 17. DD is 3 and will be almost 4 by the time this one is born.

I actually said to DP last night that I thought I was ready to give up ttc-ing as I didn't want to be 50 and seeing another child off to school, plus the cost of another 4 years of f/t childcare.

So yeah, very mixed emotions, on top of terrible anxiety that it won't work out yet again, the last loss almost broke me. It's daft because if that one or the one before had worked out I'd be happily on mat leave right now, and incredible happy to have produced a sibling for my DD. Sod's law.