2nd pregnancy. Feeling so guilty that first child isn't going to be number one anymore

[Feelingstressed444]

I'm 25 weeks pregnant with second child which I've been longing for so should be so happy. But as I approach my final trimester, I've felt extremely down and sad. I know the root of this is because of my first child, I have a toddler who is 2 years and 5 months. He is my absolute world, especially because I had such a bad childhood I probably try so much harder to shower him with love and affection. Yet no matter what I do recently, I just feel constant guilt when I look at him or whenever I do anything. I feel like nothing I do is enough for him and that I must be failing as a mother like my mum did. I know it's horrible to think like this but I can't help it. It's getting me so down that I've not even been able to go to work for the past few days, I just sit and cry thinking about how much his life is going to change and how I can't give him all of my attention in a few months time. Then I feel more guilty thinking he has a miserable mum!
Has anybody with more than one child experienced this? I want to know that I am not alone.

I felt very similar when i was pregnant with my second baby; my little boy was my world and we'd spent so much time together I thought he would react very badly to a new sister getting in the way. In fact he was delighted with her and coped really well! they love each other to bits now and my heart just melts when they hug each other for no reason other than love (they argue too its not all roses!). I found the best thing to do was make sure we still have some special time together, a cinema trip (as DD is too young to join yet) or even a late night watching a movie together. It makes the special times even more fun and you'll be amazed that your heart doesn't split in two to accommodate another child it just grows bigger. Good Luck xx

He gets something better than your attention to be honest, a sibling. So drop the guilt and crying. His life is about to get more colourful.

I had pangs of this when pregnant with my second but as a PP said he's getting something better.

You can shower them both with love and they can shower each other with love.

One day you'll be an old fool who doesn't know how to use the latest electronic devices and they be able to hologram-call each other to (lovingly) take the piss out you.

Yes I felt absolutely the same. Of course the safe arrival of dc2 was everything ... but I also felt so sad that my perfect bond with dc1 was never going to be the same ... and so sad that my bond with newborn dc2 wasn't the all-encompassing thing it was with dc1.

We muddled through the difficult early bit and now (youngest is 1) I am madly in love with both of them and they love each other to bits as well. Your DS will get your attention back and he'll also have the attention of a sibling who will think he's amazing. My DS blossomed as a big brother and life with 2 kids can be way more fun for everyone. It'll all be fine

As coffee says, 1-on-1 time with each of them is key - especially with dc1 in the early days. And a bit of time to yourself

Thanks for the replies everyone, it really helps put things in perspective by listening to those who have shared the same experience.

Op, I feel the exact same. I'm 25+2 with dc2. Ds1 will be 2 yrs 3 months when baby comes and sometimes I sit and sob as I feel so bad that our world is about to change. He's a very easy boy and has a great routine, sleeps well etc. I on the other hand didn't cope with baby phase / sleep dep well at all and got pnd which only went away as I started getting longer stretches of sleep.
I'm so scared about being submerged back into that world
Like you I much longed for this second baby and after a miscarriage earlier this year I told myself I'd never take a day pregnant for granted! :-( so you're not alone.
We will be fine and this time next year these feelings will be a distant memory!