AIBU?

[hollyindie]

So Just before Christmas my grandma was diagnosed with cancer and we've been told to prepare for the inevitable so I want to see her as much as possible atm incase I miss my chance. She lives about 140/150 miles away. Problem is:

I'm due in 12 days and it's difficult to go and visit her, she tells me she totally understands but I just can't not go i would always regret it. She is my inspiration and my idol!
I feel physically fit enough but my partner isn't happy. He keeps saying that I shouldn't be going down because what if I go into Labour and he is so far away from me.
I think he is being selfish by making me chose between seeing my grandma or staying at home incase I go in labour and he is only round the corner

Can you give me some advice on how to tackle telling him I'm going with my sister on Saturday to see her for the day? I'm worried how he will react

I can see both sides.

My gran died from cancer in April and she won't get to meet our new baby in July.

Your partner is afraid in case you go into labour, totally get that and I see why he's worried. Stressful environment, emotional and long journey.

So to maybe ease his fears, why don't you have the details for the hospital local to your gran on standby and remember to take your bag and folders with you?

Your gran says it's ok and she understands - I get it as I lived 90 miles away from mine and only got to see her twice before she died.

Again, speak to her and say you are coming and even though it is only a day visit you want to see her but need to relax too - I know my gran would kick my ass if I didn't.

Talk to hubby, be prepared for everything and it should be fine.

For what it's worth, I think that you are entirely right to be going to see your grandma as long as you are feeling physically fit enough. I would tell your partner:

1. You will only go if you are feeling well enough
2. Childbirth tends to start with plenty of warning signs and there is likely to be plenty of time for him to get to you - the risk of you having the baby without him there is very low
3. You will take your notes with you, just in case anything happens
4. Lots of people have husbands/partners who don't work around the corner - e.g. my husband is a commute away in London but it would definitely take him an hour and a half to get to me and I am having a high-risk pregnancy and might need an emergency c-section at any time - I'm not going to stop him going to work for the next 6 weeks
5. Tell him that if you don't see your grandma and the worse were to happen it's not something you would get over easily.

And if none of that works, tell him it's your decision and he can come with you himself if he's that worried!

I'm going on a two day course for work 15 days before my due date - it's 200 miles away. I have the slight advantage of having gone well over my due date twice before, but I agree with the PP it's very unlikey that you will suddenly go into labour with no warning signs. Even if the absolute worst happened and you did go into labour whilst away from home it's not that far. Surely your husband could hop in the car and make it down there within 3 hours - the chances of you having the baby before he gets there are very slim. You could spend a bit of time together working out where the nearest maternity unit is and how long it would take you to get there from your grans and how long it would take him to drive there. Then he would see that you are listening to his concerns.

Best case scenario would be for him to come with you on Saturday - either he comes to visit your gran with you or amuses himself near where she lives that way he's on hand in case you suddenly go into labour.

I would 100% make the trip and I would expect my husband to support me.

I think if YOU are comfortable with it, then he has to accept it's your choice. Honestly, what difference does it make assuming you are planning a hospital birth if you go into labour and end up at a hospital there or one closer to home. 140/150 miles away isn't exactly very far. Unless you labour very quickly, you could easily just drive home (by that I mean your sister could drive you home), or he could drive down and meet you at the hospital if it's that urgent. Or if he is really concerned, he could drive you there to make sure you get there and home safely and would be close if you needed him.

I'm only 35 weeks, but my first was born at 37 weeks, so I am in theory about 12 days from when I could go into labour and it could realistically be any day. My dh and I went to visit family yesterday (who are perfectly well, no reason we had to rush to see them) who are about that far from us. Honestly, I wasn't even worried about it. I didn't even bring my notes! (though ideally, it would be a good idea if you did, just in case). Babies don't (usually) just fall out the second you are in labour, and I trust and know my body, so I would know when to leave if anything felt off. If you were planning to fly or be like a day's drive from home, that would be one thing, but 2 hours or less really shouldn't be a big deal, so long as you are comfortable with it. Your partner just has to support you as ultimately I think it's your choice what you feel comfortable with.

Thanks everyone :) there isn't an option of not going I'd never forgive myself. I hope she will make it till baby born so we can go back down and she can meet him but if she doesn't I'll never get over not seeing her especially when I feel up to it in myself.

I'll have a chat with him tonight and it's a really good idea about reassuring him with taking my notes and looking for closest maternity ward incase anything does happen.
I have tried explaining to him that nothing will happen quickly so If little legs does decide to come then he won't miss anything he is just dare I say it over protective.

He normally would come with me but he has to work this Saturday so me and my sister are going together so it's not like I've decided to travel alone - I could understand his worry more if that was the case.

Thanks ladies :)