Don’t know what to do for the best 😩

[Peach2018]

Hi, I’m wondering if anyone could offer any advice. I have two children, aged 4 and 2, I’m married and I’m currently doing a course to further my career. I have recently found out I’m pregnant, about 5 weeks I think, my first reaction was that I knew we couldn’t keep the baby, my husband works so much and is rarely home, I don’t have family or friends to support me at the best of times, my marriage has had a lot of issues things are ok at the moment but they can change like the wind, we have a lot of financial issues so need for me to be able to earn more money as soon as possible. We had never planned to have anymore children, I am so grateful for the two I have. But now I don’t know what to do for the best, I feel guilty already and haven’t had any appointments or spoke to anyone about an abortion. I know it will really affect me, mentally I’m not the strongest person and have suffered with depression on and off. Another baby isn’t right for our family, we have things we need to get sorted but I can’t help but feel so selfish and torn. The whole situation is breaking my heart, I really don’t know what to do for the best. If anyone has any previous experiences or advice I would really appreciate it! Thank you x

I am so sorry to hear your situation. You sound like you need a good shoulder to cry on and lots of support.
Firstly I would say that you don't ever need to feel selfish for having these thoughts. It's your body and you're the one who will be going though the whole changes again. Please don't put yourself in any stress. The good news is you've got time to decide what you want to do but ultimately it must be your decision whatever you chose.

I would firstly speak to your husband and tell him exactly how you feel. I would then speak to your GP or someone who can give you professional advice.

I have had an abortion a few years ago for my own personal reasons and it's not an easy thing to do and you will need support off your husband. They do offer you support for up to a year afterwards as I didn't have much support from family and ended up on antidepressants for a while. That being said it was still the right choice for me and I don't feel guilty for doing it because It was my body and I wouldn't be who I am now. Now I am in a much better place with another baby on the way and a situation I can bring up baby safely.

Just remember that you're only 5 weeks right now and so have some time to decide what you truly want. Find someone who you can trust, talking through your options will really help you make the right choice for you.

Big hugs

I've been in this position before - Marie Stopes gives free and unlimited counselling in person or on the phone, they were very unjudgmental and unbiased for me.

In the end a miscarriage took he decision out of our hands, but looking back I am so glad we stuck to two Vs three (or even four, if like one of my friends the pregnancy turned out to be twins), and even though I did have a few days of crying and mourning the road not travelled of having a 3rd, I feel no guilt for considering termination - it was a parenting decision. However, plenty of my friends have gone the other way and are very happy with an unexpected third.
It can be hard because either way will have some hardship, but you will come through - good luck making the decision

Thank you both so much for the support. It is such a heart wrenching decision. It's so hard to know what to do for the best! I love being a mum and I'm so grateful for the two beautiful children I have got. It's hard because I do think of babies as a blessing and that everything happens for a reason but right now with the way our lives are bringing a baby into this situation would be very very hard. The whole situation has just been going round and round in my head for days and I can't help but beat myself up over it! Thank you so much again!

Hope you find someone to talk to in person too