Everyone is pressuring me to have a baby

[Gunsnrosesxo]

I'm nearly 22 and have been married for a year. I believe I got married young anyway and now everyone including my mum keeps telling me to have a baby now.
I work full time and live with my in laws who are horrible and we don't speak.
My husband wants a baby too but I don't feel ready. I don't want to have a child when I'm living in such an unhappy home and when I don't feel ready I'm still really young but people just do not understand!

I argue with my mum all the time because of this (she has 4 kids) I can't believe how much pressure she puts on me.
Then she makes me look like I'm weird and selfish because I don't want a baby..

It’s your body and your decision. Do not do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. And do not be pressured into feeling ready. It’s not selfish at all.

No. Just no. The only reason to do it now is your age - it's easier (in terms of having lots of energy) when you're young. And that will remain the case for a good few years yet... absolutely everything else seems just seems to be against you.

Anyway, it's your body, your choice. Tell them to butt out.

In fact I'd be tempted to tell them that all the pressure is putting you off the idea entirely.

Ermmm. op no one can make you feel under pressure if you refuse to.

Tell them you don't want to discuss it, as it is none of their business, leave the room if necessary each time, they will soon get the message.

Can you not make plans to move out?

Tell your husband you won’t consider it until you’ve moved out.

I assume he hasn’t messaged any more escorts recently?

Its not selfish to not have a baby. Reproducing is a fundamentally selfish act.

Tell her she sounds like she cares more about hypothetical grandchildren than she does about her existing children (ie you) and if that continues shes not going to be in your life much by the time you DO decide to have kids, if you ever do.

Family’s not always right, or properly supportive sadly.

You know your own mind. When you’re young you’re still working out who you are and developing your confidence, it’s sometimes difficult to figure out how to say no or stick up for your own views. I would have found that pressure daunting in my early 20’s.

You are strong enough. It’s your life, your body and your decision. No one can force you.

You’ll either have to learn to ignore the pressure and let it wash over you, or put your foot down with everyone and tell them the conversation is over and done with.

Focus on doing what you need to do to create a better and happier living environment for you and your husband.

Good luck x

Thank you guys for your comments.
I think the main reason is she's just worried that I will have fertility problems as she believes being on the pill makes it difficult to get pregnant when you come off it which is not true.

But I still want to enjoy my 20's buy a house etc I know it's better to have kids younger but I still feel there's so many things I haven't achieved yet to go on to something which is sucha a huge responsibility forever

I'm also scared about the change my body will go through cos I'm a gym junkie and care a lot about my weight .. I'm not selfish but I'm really weight conscious and went through anorexia in my teenage years.

22 is still so young-you have plenty of time Op! Life is a funny old thing- many women have babies young because they want them which is wonderful, but I would imagine if you had them young when you DIDN'T want them you'd risk resenting them?? That would be a real tragedy.

I wonder if your mum needs to be told she needs to back off end of story and if she raises it again tell her very firmly you do not want to talk about it and leave the room? I find it mad she is putting this much pressure on you and your DH already! If anyone else asks a kind smile and a 'well, that's none of your business really is it?' usually works wonders :)

I was 29 with my 1st and still felt young and that I struggled emotionally. If your not ready please just tell them no...

Op i had mine at 37 and 39, you have a bit of time yet.....

I am of the view it is quite silly to have DCs before owning a house, having stable jobs and savings.......

Also it is not unreasonable to live a bit first

Oh tell them all to piss off!

Your life - your choices.

Speaking as someone who got married at 25 (and I thought I was young, never mind 21!) and has spent the past 4 years being asked when we're having a baby.. don't do it until YOU want to.

I ended up taking my mum aside and telling her firmly that I didn't want to hear it anymore and she stopped.

You definitely need to sort out where you're going to live - are you there because you're saving for a deposit? I wouldn't want to bring up any baby without my 'own space' plus there could be more interference in their upbringing than you would want.

If you hate your in laws so much you don’t speak to them why do you live with them?

None of their business! My dh and I got together at 18, married at 23 but I was 28 when our son was born. We chose to wait that long, it wasn't down to being unable to conceive or anything like that. We worked, had a holiday every year and enjoyed our marriage and the time we had together. Now everything revolves around children! Don't ve pressured by someone else, wait until it feels like something you want to do. It's a massive step both in your lives and in your relationship.

I think you have bigger issues.

Why ate you living with people you hate?

Whenever your DH mentions it I would be clear that you won't be having one whilst living at his parents!

Just ignore them. The bigger issue is why on earth are you living with people you hate? You only live once and life is far too short for that. If it’s to save for a deposit move out and rent and take a few more years to save up.

I thought I was ready with my eldest but struggled emotionally, because at 22 you may feel very grown up but the truth is you’re not fully developed in your own head yet. Some women make great mothers still, but for a lot of us we need some growing up... plus your living situation isn’t okay at all. You have loads of time, don’t worry

We're living with parents because we don't have the money to move out. But we're saving hard!
I don't want to but we're not left with much choice

Oh I didn’t mean it wasn’t okay like that. Sorry! I just mean you’re living somewhere you don’t want to, and that would be massively stressful with a baby

Saving sounds like the sensible option. I know everyone is different and I don’t want you to feel patronised when I say you’re still very young but I’m 10 years older than you and although I can’t say I’ve achieved everything I wanted to since I was 22 I wouldn’t change it and I’m glad I didn’t have the responsibility of a child all of those years ago.
Having a baby is wonderful but it’s a HUGE responsibility. It’s not selfish of you to want to enjoy your youth and achieve your goals before taking on that responsibility. X

Hi all looking for some advise. I am 35 and just found out im pregnant. I havent told my husband yet as I'm not sure how he will react. But a friend and family member i have confided in are telling me I should have the baby no matter what he wants. But I don't think I'm ready for a baby myself.

Hi this is an old thread and a different topic really, you'd be best making a new topic/thread 😊