Is there an ideal age gap?

10 replies

DiscoSue · 05/01/2018 11:55

I’ve got a 2yo DS and myself and my partner came off all contraception a few months back. We’re happy and feel ready to try for another baby and have been for a few months, I’m not tracking ovulation or anything as of yet as we’re in the mindset that if I were to get pregnant now that would be great but if I were to get pregnant in a years time that would be great too.

It’s just got me thinking what an ideal age gap would be. I’ve always thought 2/3 years as I’d love to have children close in age. I’m an only child and lost my dad quite suddenly 6 months ago which has swayed my decision to have another child as I felt very alone and would hate for DS to feel like that if anything happened to me or DP.

Just wondering what age gap do you have? I’m worried that when DS turns 3 if DC2 was here would he feel pushed out?

I’m a day late on my period this month which has really got me thinking about what the age gap would be. I’m going to test if af hasn’t came this weekend as it’s not uncommon for me to be a few days late occasionally. Fingers crossed though!

OP posts:

Clarabinki · 05/01/2018 12:19

I am sorry for the loss of your dad

For me personally, if I had age on my side, I will have a 4 years gap but as it is I don't so there will be a little over 2 years between my first and second. I was pregnant before the second and miscarried otherwise would have been 18 months gap. For me personally, I would have preferred a longer gap just because I would have loved to spend more time alone with my boy.
I was 33 when he was born and will be 35 when my daughter is born. I hope to have two more so will again have two years gap if all works out well. Just wish I started early so could have longer gaps. Some people prefer shorter gaps as they want all the babies' years over quicker. I guess it's your personal choice at the end of the day.

Clarabinki · 05/01/2018 12:20

And good luck, hope you get the result you want!

Original poster

DiscoSue · 05/01/2018 12:27

@Clarabinki Thank you, I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage. How are you finding pregnancy with your son?

DS is very calm and laid back. We haven’t yet started the terrible twos and we’ll soon begin potty training so maybe the hard work is yet to come! I just wonder how difficult it would be with the stresses and strains of pregnancy.

OP posts:

Buglife · 05/01/2018 12:31

I am pregnant with DC2 who will be born about a month before DS1 turns 4. I had no urge to get pregnant again while he was a toddler, I felt I wouldn’t be happy spreading myself while he was still so small and needy! It was only when he was potty trained and started pre school proper and is suddenly very much a child, talking and learning so much that I felt I could have another. I’m a way it’s starting the baby stuff all over but I also feel I’ll get to have each stage which each of them alone, rather than having a newborn and a toddler in nappies etc, it wouldn’t have made me happy! DS will be in Reception in a September so I can do baby groups in the day without trying to control an older child and then I can have some time with DS after school if the baby naps etc. As to how he will feel, I don’t know really, I haven’t told him about the baby yet anyway! But I feel a 4 year old would be able to cope better than a younger child who doesn’t get why mummy can’t pick them up too. Also you can still do stuff that a 6 and 2 year old can enjoy for example, it’s not a gap that I worry will cause them to never really get on.

happymummy12345 · 05/01/2018 12:34

I think it's different for everyone. There's no real right or wrong.
I've always said I want a 5 year age gap, so my son (1st child) will be at school when hopefully we have our 2nd child. We feel this is right for us. Obviously other factors like finances will also impact on the decision.

OneForTheRoadThen · 05/01/2018 12:37

There will be 23 months between mine when this baby is born. I wanted that gap as I think if my son was older and toilet trained/ independent/ slept through etc then I'd never go back to the baby stage willingly 😂

Also I am old (38) and didn't want to risk not being able to have a second child.

ParkheadParadise · 05/01/2018 12:43

Sorry for your loss DiscoSue

I have a 23year age gap between my dds .

Itmakesthereaderreadon · 05/01/2018 12:49

2 years. Gets all the crap stuff out the way at the same time and, when they're older, they can do same activities. Having friends round works cos they all pile in. It's hard at the beginning but there's a shorter period before you get your life back.

Underparmummy · 05/01/2018 12:53

We have done 2 years twice for our 3dc. Its ok, hard work but moves things on and being close together is starting to really pay off now as they all disappear to play without needing us a lot of the time.

I was very set on 2 years and it has worked for us but have friends with longer gaps (which I would never have contemplated at the time) and can see that it also has big benefits.

BertieBotts · 05/01/2018 12:55

I think there are pros and cons to every age gap. Personally I found age 3 was a huge jump in terms of challenging behaviour so it would be pretty difficult to add a newborn to that. But it's a very popular gap (possibly because people get pregnant with DC2 before their DC1 hits the horror age! ) so there must be benefits to it.

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