Rude lady at work!! You’ll never believe what she said about my pregnancy!!!

[St2018]

I’ve had to tell my team at work I’m pregnant and not lazy, so that I’m not carrying things I shouldn’t be like tables!! I’m currently 8 weeks pregnant. Everyone else was super nice and incredibly understanding! When I told this lady, who had previously insisted on teaching me how to carry tables, she asked me how many weeks I was? 0?, I was shocked! I am tiny and yes there is no baby bump as of yet however unfortunetly last year I had a miscarriage, I was insistent that the pregnancy would not stop me from going about normal tasks such as rearranging living room on my own (bad idea), painting and all sorts and I put an awful lot of stress on my body, I was distraught when I lost my baby and this time around I have told myself I’m not going to feel bad because the only person who matters is the beautiful baby growing inside me! I lost the baby 2 days before my 12 week scan, it will soon be my 12 week scan and I’m terrified, but I’ve also decided to be very careful this month. She proceeded to ask me how old I was, I’m 24! She said haha I thought you were 16! I do look young but that’s fine with me! I’m also married and have a home! It felt insensitive as if to imply I looked like some sort of teenage girl who got knocked up and still lives with her mum, each to their own but I’m proud that I waited to get married and settled and then decided to have a baby! It also felt as if she thought I was being silly for not wanting to lift tables because I’m not heavily pregnant, she doesn’t realise I’ve had a miscarriage..so I understand that she may just think I’m being silly and over paranoid because it’s my “first” pregnancy but that’s not the case! But what gives her the right to speak to me like this? I just want to know everyone opinion and if anyone’s experienced anything similar?

Sorry about your previous loss but you are being very precious, baby is tucked away into your pelvis and won't be affected by lifting a table. Also, telling work people so soon is a bit much. But as you say yourself, each to their own.
I wouldn't worry too much about it, if you react to every slight thing your pregnancy is going to be very long for everyone!
Congratulations.

You have every right to be annoyed. You and your baby are number 1 priority. I worked at a nursery and soon as I told them they went mad and said I should of told them as soon as I knew. I wasn't aloud to lift a child up to change nappies or anything until I was 13 weeks as if it caused miscarriage work would of been to blame.

Sorry for your loss, but early miscarriages don’t have links to heavy lifting. If it did, nobody in developing countries would have any children.

Here is a link to some legit information that should assure you:

www.nhs.uk/conditions/miscarriage/causes/

Yes when I was pregnant I had some women (and it was women) being snide to me as I looked so young. It might be jealousy or just plain nastiness. Take no notice, OP and look after yourself xx

I think I understand where you are coming from. I suffered a late loss which, while I now understand it was not my fault, has made me feel much more cautious in my current pregnancy.

It is true that the activities you described doing in your first pregnancy are highly unlikely to have caused your miscarriage and I really hope you know this. However, this is your baby and your body and you are right to take care of yourself however you wish. I do not think this is precious and your colleague sounds like a proper baggage!

I've not experienced anything like this, I suspect because everyone knew of my pregnancy when I lost my little girl, but please try to ignore people who treat you like this. You know best what you need

Your reaction is understandable because of your previous loss. Her comments don't sound offensive to me, just off hand jokey chit chat. I doubt she meant offence. Yes they were personal, but you have to remember she doesn't know, so she was commenting you're not showing and look young, I really wouldn't be all up in the air about it.

Also, for what it's worth, I told my work very early on - not because I needed any adjustments to my completely sedentary desk job, but because I wanted the support and for people to know that I'm dealing with something scary and feel vulnerable. I have been supported by almost everyone and it has helped.

Congratulations!!

Heavy lifting won't harm your baby. I've been lifting up my heavy 4 yr old since before I found out I was expecting.
She sounds like she's just being a bit jokey. I always got told I looked 'too young' to have a baby and at the time I found it patronising and rude but now it doesn't happen I miss it . (I did get IDd over Christmas in Tesco which felt amazing)!!

The comments and opinions on everything about you and your baby last the whole pregnancy to good idea to develop a thick skin now.

I am sorry for your previous loss; this is your pregnancy and when you tell people and whether or not you choose to lift tables is entirely your decision. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for your choices.

It's your right to not want to lift things in early stages of pregnancy, and no one on here or at work can tell you different. No matter what the facts say! I completely understand your need and want to be careful and don't let that woman make you feel any different! Rude cow! I'd want to smack her haha xx

She sounds like a bee-hatch! So I'd just ignore her. She sounds similar to someone I worked with (I'm currently 5 weeks pregnant and haven't mentioned this at work), but unrelated to pregnancy she's commented on me "looking about 12" (I'm 33!) in relation to the fact that I was her new manager! I struggle with anxiety so I'm really worried that me getting so stressed (seems to have come on yesterday all of a sudden!) will affect the baby.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Im really sorry for your loss and unsolicited comments are never fun. However every day things like arranging furniture, lifting and carrying children doesn't cause miscarriage.
Pregnancy after loss is really hard but you're going to need to take some deep breaths and try and let comments wash over you rather than take every bit of chit chat to heart otherwise it's going to feel like a really long 9 months for you.

Unfortunately pregnancy brings out the worst in some people and almost appears like an open invite to idiots to comment. If it's not on your pregnancy or your lifestyle it'll be about your changing body.

My advice for unwanted comments - ignore ignore ignore. Remember, you don't HAVE to answer these questions as it really is none of their business.

You will find that being pregnant will give people a sense of entitlement to make comments about how you look, what you eat, how you behave...honestly, this will be the first in a long line of unsolicited comments: it will be how small you look until your third trimester when it will be "oh are you sure it's not twins?!"; how you're carrying ("oh that's definitely a 'girl / boy' bump", "you're carrying very high / low - you'll be having that baby late / early"); how you 'should' be feeling vs how you are ("well I felt FINE in my second trimester, why are you still throwing up?") etc. The shock will quickly wear off - try to brush it off and ignore as pp have said. Congratulations on your pregnancy by the way!

I completely get why that annoyed you. When I was pregnant I had a complete stranger say 'you're a bit young aren't you'.... erm no I'm 27. Then followed up with 'Was it an accident?!'
Even if I was 17 and an accident, what business is it of other people!!
You are bound to get all sorts of comments about being too big, too small, should you be eating that etc etc. I would just suggest you find a response you are comfortable with giving or learn to ignore. Congratulations x

I’m 24 too and have had 3 or 4 people at work ask if it was planned. I don’t know how people think that it’s acceptable to ask?! My new response is ‘did you mean to be so rude?’ :)

"Was it planned" is only a rude question if you think there's something wrong with people who have unplanned children.

(unplanned) People like me who had many unplanned children don't find it an offensive question because we don't accept the claim that unplanned is bad.

"You look 16" does not mean you are feckless, either.

I dunno @lljkk , I personally think that it's no one else's business how the kid was conceived. Quite personal, akin to asking if you've been having unprotected sex or not. Bit nosy and therefore impolite to ask, in my opinion, even if the asker holds no judgment. But that's just me, each to their own and all.