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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Please help me stop being anxious about possibly giving birth on DSS birthday

25 replies

anxiouslyanxious · 05/01/2018 10:39

I suffer from anxiety which is manageable most of the time, however at the moment I cannot stop worrying that my current pregnancy will go overdue and my baby will be born on my DSS's birthday, I am even considering asking for an ELCS to avoid this situation (I am eligible for one for medical reasons but do not need one).
If it wasn't for my DSS's birthday being 2 weeks after my due date, and most probably the date I would be induced, I would quite happily not stress about it and accept an induction, if that is what is required. What also hasn't helped is that my DSS has already told my DH that the baby had better not be born on his birthday as that is his day (it will be his 18th). My husband thinks I should just have a section, however the thought of having this major surgery and therefore a long recovery period is daunting as I would much rather have a natural birth.
I know the odds of me actually having the baby on that date is slim but I went overdue with my DS1 and was induced at 42+1, if the same happens this time, that would be the exact date of DSS's birthday. It is keeping me awake at night and I cannot stop feeling fretful about it, I know I should just be concentrating on delivering a safe, healthy baby but my anxiety is really getting the better of me. That added with starting the ECHP process for my DS1 is really, really stressing me out. Has anyone got any advice please? (Apart from "don't be stupid" etc as it's really not that easy) thank you.

OP posts:

Kannet · 05/01/2018 10:42

Your dss needs to grow up

Soon2BeMumTo3 · 05/01/2018 10:46

I’m not going to say don’t be stupid. It’s not your fault your DSS is a selfish brat. He needs to understand this baby will come when the baby wants and you haven’t got any choice in the matter. How ridiculous that he’s made you feel this way. Yes his 18th is a big milestone for him, I understand that he won’t want it overshadowed. But it’s also more important that your baby arrives healthy and you are both ok. You do not have to get a section to please him!! Goodness me. Please try to relax, you and your baby are more important right now than his 18th birthday. You don’t have any control over any of it so do not blame yourself or let him blame you. Get your DH to talk to him be on your side! Xx

thepatchworkcat · 05/01/2018 10:48

I thought you were going to say DSS is very young - he’s 18! He’s an adult, he needs to grow up.

Soon2BeMumTo3 · 05/01/2018 10:48

Tell your husband you will cut open his abdomen and see how fast he recovers if he suggests you have a section again.

SpiderWilliesOnYourFrillys · 05/01/2018 10:53

OP I would in no way let an 18 year old control your life. I hope this doesn’t sound harsh but your baby is as equal as your dss and your DH is a dickhead for even going along with your dss. He is 18 tell him to fuck off and grow up your baby will arrive when it chooses

flutterby12 · 05/01/2018 10:55

He's 18! Your DH needs to put him in is place. What a horrible lad. Please try and relax and don't give this idiot any more thought. All that matters is that you and baby are healthy and safe. Don't have major surgery just to please the 'D'SS. Surely, he'll be out getting pissed with his mates anyway?

SnowannaRainbow · 05/01/2018 10:59

Has your step son always been a petulant child? He could be with a partner and having a baby of his own in a few short years, time he realised the world does not revolve around him. Do not give up the idea of having a chance at the birth you want on his say so.

trevthecat · 05/01/2018 11:02

As others have said, he's 18! He needs to grow up. If your not sleeping, speak to your midwife about some support. But you can't plan your birth to suit an 18 year old. You will end up regretting it. Personally I wouldn't opt in for section unless it was really needed. It's a major op and recovery is long but that's your choice. Your choice. Not his

livefornaps · 05/01/2018 11:02

Deliver your baby the way you want to!!!

I don't think it's fair that people are calling your DSS a twat, though. He is probably also anxious and insecurw! Clearly is worried that he will be forgotten in all the fuss for the baby. I think that's natural! Anyone saying "he's an adult" - well I have never met anyone who magically transformed into a 35 year old on their 18th (I do know 35 year olds who still act like they are 18).

Your husband however should not be shunting you into surgery!!!! Fuck that !!! Time to tell him you will be giving birth in the way that is best for you and the baby.

Then talk to your DSS. Are you anxious about bringing it up with him? I think he just needs to hear that no one will be forgetting his birthday and he is not to worry. But be firm that the baby will arrive whenever the baby sees fit.

Spindelina · 05/01/2018 11:02

My due dates were 4yrs 364 days apart. I don’t have any of the anxiety you have, but I was still concerned they’d share a birthday. I get it.

We sold it to DD as maybe having a very special birthday present. But she was 4. Your 17yo DSS may need reassuring that his place in the family is not going to be usurped, and he might want to rant to his mates, but don’t take account of his feelings when working out your birth plan.

pastabest · 05/01/2018 11:02

at your husband suggesting you have a section purely to avoid his sons birthday.

No wonder his son has the attitude he does.

Thissameearth · 05/01/2018 11:04

Your DH and DSS are being dickheads. ( Nb if do end up needing c section my recovery was an absolute breeze and better than people I know with vaginal births and complications that obviously can come from those - and if you're medically eligible for one then I guess you may well have complications BUT if you don't want one then simply don't get one). Feel really bad for you worrying about this at this time - I know how your mind can get stuck on stuff but please don't worry about this it really isn't an issue. Rage on your behalf!

Original poster

anxiouslyanxious · 05/01/2018 11:05

Thank you for the replies everyone, just to say that my DH only suggested an ELCS to help me stop worrying. He really isn't siding with his son or taking his comments seriously, he just doesn't understand my anxiety and to him this seems like a good way to get the baby out safely and stop me from worrying, which isn't the solution I necessarily want but he is only trying to help.

OP posts:

Thissameearth · 05/01/2018 11:07

livefornaps I had younger siblings at 18 and would never have dreamed of saying this to my stepmum so that colours my view and makes me feel ok calling him a dickhead!

GrooovyLass · 05/01/2018 11:08

Jesus I also thought DSS was about 4! At 18 he's old enough to realise that babies come when they're good and ready so if yours comes on his birthday well that's life.

How dare he and his father try to tell you to have a section just so he keeps his special day!

1stX · 05/01/2018 11:09

Bloody hell an adult stressing about a baby stealing his thunder? Who is DSS Ramsay Bolton?

What will be will be. Follow Medical advice on what’s best for your unborn. If DP or his snotty brat give you grief you can say ‘ it’s what the medical professionals advise’

Or ‘sod off’ which would be my go to response.

Good luck op. Defo mention your anxiety to the midwife x

HoppingPavlova · 05/01/2018 11:15

???? I share a bday with an immediate family member. Tis fun.

FuckyNellYaBastad · 05/01/2018 11:19

He’s old enough to know then that babies come when they come. It surely can’t be a surprise to him. As for a elcs I think you’d be crazy to even consider it as is your dh for even suggesting it

sinceyouask · 05/01/2018 11:22

I thought you were going to say that your dss was 7 or 8. He's being unreasonable and petty. Surely he knows he doesn't own a day and that millions share his birthday already?

sinceyouask · 05/01/2018 11:23

As for your dh, my god... the man thinks you should have major surgery simply so his adult son doesn't throw a tantrum about his birthday? I have no words.

Auburn2001 · 05/01/2018 11:30

Please make sure you prioritise what is best for the baby over your DSS’s self-centeredness.

strawberrypenguin · 05/01/2018 11:32

Your DSS needs to grow up. Babies set their own time schedule, nothing you can do about when he chooses to make an entrance.

Also your ‘DH’ needs to support you not suggest you put yourself through a major surgery that you don’t want just because his adult son is being a brat.

BertrandRussell · 05/01/2018 11:36

Is there any possibility that this was a throw away joky comment by you step son that is being blown out of proportion? Because otherwise he really is a complete arse and should be ignored.

Original poster

anxiouslyanxious · 05/01/2018 13:49

I guess it could have been a jokey comment but we don't really have that kind of relationship, so I think that's why it's bothering me as in all probability, knowing him it wasn't jokey. So that coupled with the fact I might give birth on the same day as my DH's ex wife is just really, really bothering me.
DH finds it really hard to support my anxiety as he just doesn't 'get it' and never has in all the years we've been together. As I said though, in no way was he siding with his son. Thank you all for your replies.

OP posts:

1stX · 05/01/2018 17:28

I think that your anxiety is the bigger issue here. Speak to your DR

In the grand scheme of things what does it matter if you give birth on DDS Birthday or the same day as the x. Focus on yourself and the awesome little baby you’re about to have

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