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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

How long to wait before TTC DC2?

52 replies

WriteAGoodOne · 04/01/2018 10:56

DC1 is 7 weeks old.

How long is medically necessary or ideal before trying again?

My Midwife says 1 year because I had a third degree tear during the pushing stage. Is that true?

OP posts:
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Mybabystolemysanity · 04/01/2018 16:00

Took me at least six months to proper recover from a 2nd degree tear.

I recognise the feeling it's all too easy. I thought so too and then she started to move about 5 months and has never stopped. Took me 9 months to get treatment for PND, because I was in denial.

DD has just turned 1, and at my 12 week scan for no2 today, consultant has written in my notes for midwife to have a chat with me about contraception because of two pregnancies (planned, but a little sooner than we anticipated) close together. I feel thoroughly chastised!Blush

Those first few months are precious and if you're well enough to enjoy them then do! A year comes round really quickly....

PasstheStarmix · 04/01/2018 16:10

I think it depends on the baby. DS screamed for the first 4 months straight, he had silent reflux combined with colic, he catnapped and never slept more than 30 mins straight for the first 6 months of his life. I had a traumatic long labour and hated being pregnant. I'm actually enjoying it as he gets older. The toddler stage is more for me than the baby stage and I feel guilty I've been wishing away the first year! Not long left!!

BertieBotts · 04/01/2018 16:16

We have infertility issues and basically have decided not to go back on contraception after our baby is born. I'll be breastfeeding so I expect that will provide some protection (but it's fine if it doesn't). Yes it does mean we could end up with DC spaced very close together which isn't ideal, but I'd rather that than miss the chance completely.

Batteriesallgone · 04/01/2018 16:16

I know lots of people do have their children close together but I think the strain on your back and your core of being pregnant plus carrying around a toddler shouldn’t be underestimated. I remember seeing my 7m pregnant friend having to manhandle her 18m in and out highchair, onto mat for a nappy change etc and made a mental note to have a bigger gap than that!

12 hours a night at 7 weeks - I’m not surprised you feel great! But really you won’t know how your baby sleeps until you’ve been through the 3/4m sleep regression. It’s a biggie for most babies.

Are you breastfeeding? Breastfeeding through pregnancy can be a struggle (I tried it, milk dried up) and babies still need breast milk (or formula) until a year old.

Also what about the financial and practical aspect. Do you want a double buggy, two sets of rear facing car seats (is your car big enough?) two high chairs at your table, etc etc? Babies/toddlers need a fair amount of Stuff, do you want to buy it all twice?

I initially wanted a small gap between mine, but then I realised how much of a pain in the arse it would be in practical terms.

I’ve had a 2.5-3year gap between my three, it’s worked well. Not needed a double buggy, just the pram with a buggy board. Older ones can come out of the smaller car seat ready for baby. Only one child in high chair at a time. By the time the baby is 6m and throwing food the older ones have table manners and can help with teaching baby rather than joining in the ruckus. You can get out the Playdoh and supervise while you feed baby rather than being needed to help with play and ideas. Etc etc.

My friend was seriously ill having her second baby. She was in hospital six weeks. Her 3 year old could be left with the childminder full time (who was lovely and helped them loads, bless her) while her husband had to go back to work after his two weeks paternity. It’s worth thinking through what your options would be in that kind of scenario.

Pinky333777 · 04/01/2018 16:31

I was advised a year as that's how long it takes your body to fully recover after pregnancy and birth.
Ha, no way!
I would like my babies close together, so I'm going to see how I feel 2/3months after this one arrives.
If I feel physically and mentally up to it, I will be ttc ASAP 😄 And then perhaps do the same again.
Unless I'm lucky enough to have twins next time xxx
I'm 37 and only pregnant with number one. I need to pop a few out as quickly as possible lol.
In my twenties I imagined myself with 5 kids by now 🤣

I'd say ttc whenever you personally feel ready and always consider any extra medical risks carefully x

NeilPetark · 04/01/2018 18:08

Wait and see how you feel after the four month sleep regression and teething.

PasstheStarmix · 04/01/2018 18:25

And the coinciding 16 week imms...

PasstheStarmix · 04/01/2018 18:27

The thing I've realised is that with babies they constantly go through different phases and the first year is anything but predictable.

PasstheStarmix · 04/01/2018 19:15

@Pinky333777 I would see how you feel after you have this baby. You may feel differently. I always thought pre baby I'd have 3 but after having number 1 I've had doubts over a second one! Reality was very different to what I imagined. It's especially hard as you get older and the sleep deprivation is a killer. Babies that sleep 12 hours from birth are very rare. It's usually feeding every 2-3 hours and lots of nappies and crying.

Batteriesallgone · 04/01/2018 19:47

The risk isn’t so much that your first is a bad sleeper.

It’s that your second is a bad sleeper when you also have an older baby to look after, they are both waking in the night and you can’t get them to coordinate their naps.

It’s so difficult to enjoy your kids when you’re fucking knackered. They are still wonderful but it’s like you’re in a fog and you can’t see it properly.

WriteAGoodOne · 04/01/2018 19:56

Babies that sleep 12 hours from birth are very rare. It's usually feeding every 2-3 hours and lots of nappies and crying

I was very confused when DS just slept through from Day 1. It was the other babies keeping me up in hospital Grin

He's also exclusively breastfed. I make a decision with myself to knock it on the head if he didn't sleep well and foolishly thought formula would make him sleep more.

I needn't try it though, he has his last feed and sleeps until 8.30am!

Maybe I should count my lucky stars and stick to one...

OP posts:
piglet81 · 04/01/2018 20:14

Sshhh, don't jinx it!

(says the mother of a chronic non-sleeper) Envy

strangerhoes · 04/01/2018 20:15

Selfish of you

PasstheStarmix · 04/01/2018 20:41

WriteAGoodOne I always thought you couldn't assume a newborn would wake you up for feedings and that's why it's important to wake them in the early weeks. That's what the health visitor told me anyway. I also breastfed and I used to get up to feed ds every few hours. I also watched him like a hawk to make sure he was breathing. It's just as well I did do that as he was poorly at a day old and if I had let him sleep through the night he wouldn't be here today.

PasstheStarmix · 04/01/2018 20:44

I always thought you couldn't leave a newborn more than 5-6 hours without a feed, that's what saved my baby's life so it's something I'd do with a second to be honest (if I'm brave enough.)

BertieBotts · 04/01/2018 20:48

I fell asleep after DS's birth which was prolonged, so did he, and neither of us woke up for 8 hours! Nobody else woke us either, I woke up in a total panic.

Midwives said no need to wake a sleeping baby at night as long as they have been signed off as healthy and are a good weight. If there are any problems, however slight it's best to wake them after 5 hours, 4 during the day.

PasstheStarmix · 04/01/2018 21:02

@BertieBotts new advice is to not leave longer than 5-6 hours without a feed. Ds was discharged healthy from hospital but wouldn't feed after 5-6 hours when has for home and we couldn't rouse him from a deep sleep. If we'd have followed the never wake a sleeping baby he wouldn't be here today.

PasstheStarmix · 04/01/2018 21:02

when was home

PasstheStarmix · 04/01/2018 21:05

The advice to wake is only for the first two weeks and if baby is well and a good weight demand feeding there after.

NC1990 · 04/01/2018 23:57

Christ. My daughter is 8 weeks old and the thought of trying for another right now makes me shudder. She is a difficult baby though and doesn't sleep during the day (cries all day instead), during the night she still feeds every 2-3 hours. Seems very odd for a newborn to sleep right through from birth, you're lucky!

Pinky you may feel differently once your LO arrives and you have slept a grand total of 4 hours in 5 days. You really can't comprehend the exhaustion until you're in the middle of it.

ParkheadParadise · 05/01/2018 00:08

Don't think I have any good advice

I had a 23year gap between Dd1 and Dd2 Grin.

Ihaterapmusic · 05/01/2018 01:29

I'll prob sound crazy here. Took forever to conceive this one. And due to pcos and endo I have never used contraception once me and my partner were properly together iyswim.
We had help to concieve this one too.
HOWEVER. I will not be going on contraception after the birth either... We have discussed it and it will be the case of if it happens then great, which is doubtful. But at mid thirties I would like to have them a close age gap.
Were lucky that of we need childcare we would have it when I go back to work. But I don't like relying on people even the parents for huge amounts of time. So hope you get a jovcloser to home, no travel and minimum childcare /babysitter.

Obviously if at the birth or after for any reason they said not to get pregnant then I would 100% take that on board.

WriteAGoodOne · 05/01/2018 12:00

Well the advice I've been given by multiple health professionals is to leave a sleeping baby and let them sleep, unless they are underweight/poorly.

I did try and wake him in the early days to feed mostly because I was bored, but he was having none of it and got very cross, refused boob and went back to sleep again.

I got really confused because all the books told me I would be exhausted and there were a lot of topics on 'managing sleep deprivation'. I took it all in and expected a rough time. I can safely say I probably sleep too much now DS is here Blush

I even felt a bit brushed off by the midwives in hospital, one of them had a very "You're a lucky cow, just enjoy it" attitude. Wasn't the best when I wondered why my child wasn't waking up!

I put him down at 10 last night and he woke at 10.03am this morning to be fed Grin

OP posts:
WriteAGoodOne · 05/01/2018 12:02

Ihate sounds sensible to me! I hope you get the sized family you're after Thanks

Parkhead I thought my Mum was a shocker by leaving 10 years between me and my DSister Grin

OP posts:
BoredOnMatLeave · 05/01/2018 12:06

Honestly it might be better to just do it asap. I felt like you did when DD was that age, she was similar. She's 18 months old now and it is so much harder. I will be putting it off until she is at least 3. Sometimes I think I should have just got it over and done with.

Although it sounds like you do need to wait to let your body heal.

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