8 weeks pregnant and dad is messing me about

[MissSparkles85]

Hi all please can I have some advice? I’m a bit lost. I was told in my early twenties I would have trouble conceiving naturally. I am now 32. I have been dating someone For four months and somehow I have ended up pregnant. I am eight weeks now. I told the dad as soon as I found out. He was shocked and wanted me to abort. I cannot abort this baby, it’s a miracle it even happened and ive Always longed to be a Mum. The dad is now messing me about. He has two children with his ex and he asked for Christmas and new year to pass as he didn’t want to ruin her Xmas. He still hasn’t acknowledged the pregnancy and can’t even talk about it. We have arranged to meet twice to discuss the baby and our relationship and both times he has let me down. I don’t know where I stand with him, I don’t know if he wants to be with me, or if he wants any involvement with the baby. I have told him on both times we arranged to meet it was his last chance to tell me, I’ve been waiting a month now and it’s really stressing me out. Shall I just call it a day and continue the pregnancy alone, or shall I wait for god knows how long and continue to get my heart broken? I understand I’ve put him in an awkward position, and I feel some level of guilt in changing his life, but I just can’t abort this baby, I just can’t. We didn’t use protection due to me being under the impression I couldn’t conceive. Any help or advice would be so much appreciated xx

Continue without him in my opinion, but not alone! You’re growing a human and won’t be alone . You don’t need him. Men who mess around pregnant women really have a sense of entitlement, don’t they? You don’t need him

Give him details of scans and birth after they happen, get on with your life and enjoy it.

Personally, I'd call time on the relationship but definitely leave lines of communication open regarding the baby. He should have the opportunity to be in the baby's life, even if it takes a long time for him to come to terms with the idea. Did you tell him you couldn't have kids or that it would be difficult for you but potentially possible?

I think you've got to go ahead with the assumption you'll be in this alone, he sounds flakey and unreliable and that will be an extra burden on you.

If I were you I would stop asking him to engage and simply send him important information about the pregnancy and when the child is born let him have your contact details, then any contact he wishes will be up to him.

Did he know you weren't using contraception and why?

Unfortunately it’s fairly clear where you stand with him.

I think he has made his feelings very clear. When someone shows you who they are...believe them...Focus on your pregnancy and move on.

Why do you feel guilty? It takes two people to make a baby.

Personally I think he’s made it very clear where you stand and he sounds pretty selfish.
I would focus all my attention on the baby and plan a good future without the Dad being involved.
Keep communication open regarding baby but don’t let him mess you around and treat you like a mug!
I’m sorry you’re going through this x

Thanks ladies. I think I knew this anyway. It’s just so hard because each time I finish it after he’s let me down again, he proclaims he loves me and he’s just having a hard time getting to grips with it, then he asks to meet only to let me down again. He’s definitely selfish with feelings, clearly does t care about mine xx

It's probably a surprise for him, sure, but that's absolutely no excuse for him to behave like that :( him continuing to be unrealiable and mess you around is just going to cause you so much more heartache than the alternative, hard as that might be to believe right now. I'd say carry on as if you're doing it without him - if he wants information on scans etc, that's fine, don't prevent him from getting involved, but also don't rely on him either.

You are absolutely not alone, with or without him. I'm sorry as this must be causing you distress but focus on baby and enjoy being pregnant take care.

I was told the same at 17. I got pregnant immediately twice. At 33 and 34. Sometimes they get it so wrong, congratulations

He sounds shocked, but so are you? I'd back off, let him know scan dates but put the responsibility back on him to get his act together.

Firstly congratulations. Time for you to be happy and enjoy your pregnancy. Everyone has given you great advice here and you sound like you know what’s best to do really.

Best of luck x

This sounds a bit like my situation. We were together a few months then when I found out I was pregnant he ran back to his ex who he has 2 kids to and told me to get rid of the baby. A few months on he made contact saying he loved me and wanting to be there and be the best dad ever. I fell for his charm again and he done the exact same went back to his ex. So in my opinion I would just forget about him and concentrate on your own happiness with your bundle of joy when he/she arrives. I’m sure like me you have friends and family wanting to come to scans etc and support you. It’s possible to go it alone, good luck x

I would just leave him to it for now. Obviously if you told him you were infertile this will have been a bit of a shocker and 4 months in it’s really not an ideal situation at all for him, he’s now committed to at least paying you money and most likely investing time and hopefully love support and emotional energy for the next 18 years at least, having known you only a brief moment in the scheme of things.

You have to remember this is a happy shock for you and a scary one for him.

That said he should hurry up and get over himself to be there for you both and not mess you around at such a time.

I'm afraid you do know where you stand. You need to make pans without him. You sound like you really want this baby and will be a wonderful mum.