Struggling in the mornings

[User45632874]

Hi, I am 28 weeks tomorrow. Ove the past couple of weeks, I have noticed that I have really been struggling in the mornings, primarily with breathlessness which seems to be much better in the afternoons. So this morning I was breathless doing nothing (really breathless) but this afternoon felt able to go for a walk, put some washing on etc and generally much better...I did feel the baby move a lot then felt much better. I have been checked out for anaemia, bp, infection etc but nothing is showing up and I find it strange how I seem to feel better early afternoons. I am not sleeping well either, propped up to avoid reflux etc which I know I have experienced too. In my previous pregnancy I remember having pregnancy insomnia...the difficulty is that I have a pre-schooler whom I need to get to pre-school (she does mornings only and unfortunately, it is a short drive away). I'm thinking, I'm going to ask dh to work from home certain mornings of the week to help out but I hate feeling that I am incapable of doing these things and really don't like asking for help. I'm going to see both the GP and the consultant next week and will get checked out again then but just wondering if anyone else has experienced a change in how they feel i.e better in the afternoons (or maybe the other way round?). I hate this...I have to look after my two other dcs and can't wait for this all to be over.

Well, that's gone down like a led balloon. I daren't post on AIBU but I am really frustrated with DH: the problem is he is too honest. He has got a senior manager's job and says in order to work from home in the mornings he would have to take time off to take youngest dc to preschool - which to be fair would take 25 minutes round trip. The point is he would waste more time than this going to the coffee machine, interruptions in the office etc. but nope...it is fraudulent and doing those things is different which I suppose it is. But he has had hardly any time off sick (it is v. rare) and we could really do with the leave for after the baby comes. My body clock is all out...I am struggling to sleep at night, struggling to get out of bed and when I did this morning I am greeted with breathlessness (this seems to have replaced the nausea I had previously felt but managed to carry on) but felt better later and now I could do with wearing myself out with a walk it is all dark outside (no street lights) and it seems a bit dodgy to go out walking now which I love to do (did manage to have a short walk with the dcs this afternoon) This sounds really entitled, I know but I wish DH didn't have to work; he has worked hard for years and given the company loads (saved them loads of money etc.) and paid loads of tax too...I suppose I am just feeling desperate and no doubt hormonal and most people wouldn't complain about having a dh with such a strong work ethic...which I truly admire but I feel I need him more than his damn company does at the moment... but obviously could do with the income...and obviously don't want my dh to get sacked due to fraud. I am an older mum but I think it is my youngest dc that is causing the most issue, getting her ready in the mornings etc...but she does get a lot out of going to pre-school...socialising etc. usually I am on top of things (tonight I did a pile of ironing because I felt better)...it just feels something has to give and I'm not even employed (but am usually hardworking nonetheless). I just wish I didn't feel so rough. No extended family to lean upon. Sorry about the rant...just feeling sorry for myself (I was working full-time with dc1right up to a week before she was born - so I'm in no way work shy) but I think it is the combination of being older, having two dc's and probably surging hormones! Now everyone is probably going to tell me I'm AIBU and that pregnancy is not an illness ...this is technically my fourth (and last) pregnancy (following a late loss) and I don't recall struggling as much in any of them...Feel better having typed this but rather sorry for myself!

I’ve felt very similar this pregnancy. I have a 3 yr old but she was born early at 28 weeks so I didn’t experience late pregnancy. I’m 37 weeks now but have felt utterly exhausted most of the time!
How old are you? I think maybe that makes a difference.
I also had to as DH to change his shifts to take DD to nursery - probably from when I was about 20 weeks. It was just too much. At that point she was still in nappies so getting down on to the floor to change he was a struggle and the usual battle of doing hair teeth clothes etc made me feel like I’d done a full days work before I’d even got to work.
Work was actually a relief in some ways because there were fewer demands on me than on my days at home with a toddler.
I have no useful advice other than go easy on yourself and lower your standards!i wish I’d done it sooner. I would have days where I’d feel a burst of energy and do loads but then pay for it for days after. Afternoons were usually my best time if I’d had a restful morning but then I’d crash in the evening and be a blubbing mess.
Sorry that’s very waffley but I do feel your pain!

@User45632874 If it helps I am MEGA bad at waking up atm! As in worse than normal. I really really struggle...

P.s I'm so sorry you're having a rough time :( Rant away chick!!!

And yes to breathlessness, reflux, sleeplessness, pelvic girdle pain, piles and about 8 bouts of thrush! If one more person tells me I’m nearly there now I may punch them in the face.

Are you eating well? Taking vitamins etc? Make sure you look after yourself as best as possible too - not just the kids and DH

Have your iron levels been tested? I'm 29 weeks and was breathless doing nothing much from about 24 weeks and mentioned to midwife who tested my iron and turns out I am aneamic. once I got prescribed iron tablets it stopped.

If you're anaemic, your body has to work harder to provide enough oxygen for you and your baby so it's worth ruling it out :)

Ladies, I am virtually crying with relief at reading your posts because I suppose I have been feeling like such a failure. I will be a month shy of 44 when I give birth (all being well). Yes, to reflux, sleeplessness, piles and most likely thrush. Not a morning person at the best of times. Yes, taking vitamins and iron supplements and fragmin - daily blood thinning injections on account of late loss (hence I've got the anxiety/psychological dimension of loss travelling with me too). Dd 2 has just turned 4 and if you catch her in a good mood she will respond and half dress herself but if she is tired etc. it can be nightmare fighting to brush her hair, coat, shoes etc. She is bright and has high energy to say the least (I did wonder at one point whether she was experiencing ADHD but it is thought probably not). Elder DD has just started secondary school and I still find myself shouting out from my bed ...have you got x,y and z even though it is probably not necessary - dh takes her to school...dh does loads...usually we work as a team but this team player is almost out of it at the moment. Yes, I do need to lower my standards...not so worried about the house...just want my dd's not to be limited by my pregnancy. Thank you once again for your replies, I feel less insane! The usual routine of dd at pre-school in the mornings (so they can wear her out) and quiet afternoons with me, reading, stickers, craft, ipad has worked well up until now...but it is going to be a trial getting her there if I don't perk up (I also need to drive her there).

Oh and yes, Kmo, my daily pattern has been similar to yours not so good in the mornings, better in the afternoon, shattered in the evening. DH has had a weeks leave which has meant that I have been able to have lie-ins which although great at the time has probably played havoc with my body clock (but it doesn't account for generally feeling more crap in the mornings though, I don't think.) I was feeling more rubbish (nauseous, retching) whilst getting dd ready in the mornings before my short-lived lie-ins; this has faded but now I have this breathlessness (until it seems baby moves positions). I will get it checked out next week if it continues.

Oh god I know the feeling of feeling a failure well! You are not alone!!
My DD has had far more days than I’d like to admit of iPad time while mummy rests! I have a friend who lives over the road and I haven’t even been able to face play dates with her for months!
I feel like a terrible mother. I didn’t want to do much at all over Christmas because I’m just so shattered.
My DH is very good too but I feel guilty that he’s having to pick up so much slack.
I’m still not quite ready for this baby and hospital bag still isn’t quite packed which is ridiculous seeing as DD came so early.
I find keeping on top of the general day to day house duties wipes me out so I have nothing left at the end of the day.
I know some people breeze through pregnancy and carry on as they did before but I’ve accepted I’m not one of them!
I promised to look after myself better this time round - eat healthily, 10 mins of Pilates or walking daily but it hasn’t happened. I’m too tired, walking flares up my pgp and all I want is beige food!
You aren’t alone!!

Is there any way your DH work could be flexible. So he could say that youre not well and he needs to help you out in the mornings for 25 mins... But that he could add that extra 25 mins to the end of his day and make it up that way?

I agree with @Hulaballoo - at my work it would be totally acceptable to say my wife isn't feeling too good I need to do the preschool run mid morning for a few weeks, I'll make up the 25 minutes at the end of the day. That's not fraud.

Thanks for your reply ladies Kmo, sorry to hear it has been a struggle for you too, I know what you mean when you say you don't feel like facing very much...you're going to hate me saying this...but it truly isn't long for you now, dd2 arrived early too at 38 weeks x. Well DH normally leaves the house at about 7.40 am and drops older dd off at school - she could catch a bus but it coincides with his journey to work plus he drives straight pass the door. Likewise, he often picks her up at 5.00 pm - she goes to the library and does her homework. TBH I am happier with this than her catching the bus because the route she has to walk is not great (wont go into detail here) though she usually doesn't walk it alone. This Leaves me to sort out young dd (dh gives her breakfast and cleans her teeth before he leaves because she is an early riser whilst I shower). This has been working brilliantly up until very recently. So in order to be of help dh would need to drop older dd off return home and then get young dd dressed etc before doing her pre-school run (you cant just drop and leave and doors don't open until 9.00 am unlike a nursery). I take her to this particular pre-school because it is fab and the staff are amazing too unlike our very local one.

Anyhow attempted to go to bed earlier last pm....and could I drop off...no....did I wake up in the night....yes - several times. But still determined, I got up showered and dressed by 8.00 am this morning (and thankfully less breathless this a.m). Got a call from older dd at 8.05 am...mum I've got the wrong books starting midweek, I've got confused with the timetable, so feeling o.k I took pity on her and drove and dropped off her books (15 min drive). When I came back I did feel tired and managed to semi snooze whilst helping younger dd with her sticker book she is back tomorrow. I am going to attempt to carry on as usual tomorrow but dh has said if it is all too much there is leave there to use (because faffing with both dds and driving would result in using up about 1.5 hours daily). This is why we need both of us working like clockwork to maximise family quality time i.e more leave etc. I'm not one to ask for help but it is very frustrating when there is no-one you feel you can ask - as dh says - it is just you and me, so what choice do we have either a) take time off or b) carrying on juggling it between us. Feeling a bit useless...and hate feeling this way; to say I'm wishing time away is an understatement. Oh...and when dd2 was a newborn have been known to do the school run in clothes thrown over pyjamas, sorry to say this is no picnic either but at least primary school will be within walking distance...hey ho! Best of luck with everything KMO