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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Fear mongering

75 replies

Mrstobe90 · 01/01/2018 01:17

I went out with my husband and a few of our friends to see in the new year tonight. We obviously were sober (33 weeks pregnant) and as people in the pub got more drunk, they were coming up to me, asking when I’m due and telling me all about how horrific their births were, how it’s “the worst pain you’ll ever experience” and literally telling me every horror story you could think of.
Ended up leaving and now I’m in tears.
I’m already terrified and I’m doing hypnobirthing to try to help but this has knocked me back.

How do you all cope with nightmare birth stories? I’m really upset by it all.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

YouCantArgueWithStupid · 01/01/2018 01:20

Try not to let others horror stories put you off. How many of them went on to have more DC? Also it's a badge of honour to have a horrific birth (or rather some think it is!) no one is going to tell you "actually it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be"

PS it was no where near as bad as I thought it was going to be

WatchTheFoxes · 01/01/2018 01:30

Giving birth is often traumatic, even with a comparatively easy birth. Sorry it upset you but i think they mean well and don't want you to be too shocked if the birth doesn't go to plan.

McTufty · 01/01/2018 01:37

I'm with you OP, it’s one thing to warn how bad it can be so that you’re not taken by surprise, but I find some people seem to like to lord it over me that they’ve done it and it was awful and I will get a real shock etc. So nasty.

The thing I try to do (as someone pregnant for the first time) is to prepare for the worst but hope for the best, because yes some people have horror stories, but I also know several people who said it was painful but manageable and they have a positive experience. Hopefully you’ll be in the latter category

Original poster

Mrstobe90 · 01/01/2018 01:38

It was just ridiculous as they were talking about being rushed into theatre and forceps etc and when I said to one lady that I was planning a home birth, she genuinely scoffed, rolled her eyes and said “good luck with that”.
I just felt deflated and like an idiot.

I’m probably just being hormonal but I think it’s a bit insensitive to talk like that to someone who’s due to give birth soon.

OP posts:

GottaBeStrong · 01/01/2018 01:40

I haven't given birth yet, but just think about it... Your birth experience is yours and will never be exactly the same as someone else's. We can spend time worrying about it (as the unknown is scary and so are things out of our control) but worrying about it is not going to change the outcome... it will be as it is going to be... so it is a waste of energy. Don't give your power to other people, which is what you will be doing if you spend a lot of time and energy worrying about what they all said.

Novinosincebambino · 01/01/2018 01:41

Keep doing the hypnobirthing, I can't recommend it enough. My birth did not go to plan, induced, 4 hours from the first contraction to baby, lost a lot of blood but the hypnobirthing helped so much. I had no pain relief, not even gas and air because it happened so quickly. Yes it hurts, yes it's probably the worst pain you'll experience in your life, but it's pain with a purpose. The more you push/give it everything, the quicker it will be over and you'll have your beautiful baby in your arms. I have two DC now and if it was so horrific I wouldn't have done it again. Don't let the scaremongering get to you, it's really not as bad as folk would have you think. I promise you. Happy New Year and good luck.

BroccoliOnTheFloor · 01/01/2018 01:53

My birth experience was great. Not straightforward, and a bit more medical than I wanted, but great. Left me feeling like "This was hard but I did well!!".

Then noone asked me about it, and my life was taken over by a baby who wouldn't eat, and I didn't sleep for the next 3 nights, and the general madness of a growing little human took over.

The point is, those days are not honestly talked about. Ever. Not among friends, not in the movies, not in the popular culture. I had an incredibly intense experience, and never had a chance to properly debrief. The birth is still "women's thingie" that is best done behind closed doors.

I can totally see myself getting drunk and using any pregnant first time mum nearby for my own therapy. Simply, noone else can be forced to listen.

What I'm saying is, these women are not talking about your birth, they are talking about theirs. It's incredibly annoying for you, particularly if you're already nervous about it. Try not to let it get to you. There is a number of great births out there, and most women go on to do it again. There is a website somewhere collecting positive birth stories - perhaps reading those might help as well.

Either way good luck. You'll do great!

Original poster

Mrstobe90 · 01/01/2018 01:53

Thanks guys! Happy new year to you all!

OP posts:

BigBaboonBum · 01/01/2018 02:00

Oh women love to tell you how bad and how difficult their birth was, and how very much worse theirs was compared to yours and everybody else’s. It’s like a badge of honour if your birth was awful or something, and lots of women try to make out it was so much worse.
Of course labour hurts, and it will likely be the worst pain you will ever feel... but it really isn’t as bad as you would think! With hypnobirthing I zoned out so much I only have good memories. You really do forget about the pain almost immediately afterwards, the worst part is the after pains (womb contracting back to size) and if this is your first then the after pains aren’t bad at all.
So anyways, of course it hurts, but if you’ve ever had a bad toothache that is FAR WORSE pain than labour based on the fact it’s for nothing and you don’t know when it will end... labour ends when the baby is out!

thingymaboob · 01/01/2018 02:21

@Mrstobe90 the person who rolled their eyes at a home birth has a valid point but obviously didn't communicate it well. In my area slightly more than 50% of first time mums who birth at home end up going into hospital anyway for some reason or other. I would mentally prepare yourself for the fact that you might need to go into hospital. I'm a paramedic and have transferred lots of women who've had planned home births and many of them had not mentally prepared for it and were really distraught and disappointed. Home births are great if all goes to plan.

Original poster

Mrstobe90 · 01/01/2018 02:29

I’m planning a home birth but am prepared for a hospital birth.
I’ll happily go in if I need to but would prefer to be at home if all is well.
The hospital in my area has extremely mixed reviews when it comes to their maternity department and quite a few people I know have had horrible births there due to staff being aggressive and rude.
I’m with one to one midwives and have loved having one constant midwife throughout my pregnancy and would feel so much safer at home but I’m not naive. I’m aware that things can go wrong and will do everything I need to to ensure that my baby is brought into this world safely.

OP posts:

Piewraith · 01/01/2018 02:36

watchthefoxes
Giving birth is often traumatic, even with a comparatively easy birth. Sorry it upset you but i think they mean well and don't want you to be too shocked if the birth doesn't go to plan.

The problem is people usually don't do it in a helpful way, for example, saying "tbh it was a lot more painful than I thought, and I had x complications afterwards. Make sure you take the epidural and book in with a physio afterwards". Instead they say it in a mocking way, literally laughing and rubbing their hands together with glee at the thought of the pregnant womens pain. That isn't well meaning IMO.

Piewraith · 01/01/2018 02:43

I know what you mean OP, I told a friend about my pregnancy last week, he laughed and took great pleasure in acting out my future labour complete with screams of terror. We were outside in a park at the time so he really went for it with the screaming. He seemed disappointed when I told him I'm booked in for a c section. But he then spent five minutes imagining and describing all the "sharp enormous blades that will be slicing" me. I suppose he's trying to be funny but it wasn't. He doesn't even have kids or any experience of childbirth.

Original poster

Mrstobe90 · 01/01/2018 03:05

Omg @Piewraith I would’ve been furious! Hope you told him where to go xx

OP posts:

SparkleTea · 01/01/2018 03:16

Hi! I’m currently 12 weeks post partum. I had nightmares, anxiety and depression in my first few months, did hypnobirthing around 5 months and felt like a new person. I looked forward to giving birth and it was not as bad as people had made it out to be. Practise your breathing, scripts, get your anchors ready and don’t worry. Your body was made to do this. Don’t understand why people would wan to upset, scare and create stress in a lady whom is pregnant!! Idiots ! Good luck OP!

SparkleTea · 01/01/2018 03:19

Also agree with earlier poster having the baby was the easiest bit! The pain after is not nice at all but tolerable why no one talks about that is beyond me! Get some ice packs, sanitary pads with some witch hazel!! That’s the worse bit

Original poster

Mrstobe90 · 01/01/2018 04:48

Thanks :) I’ve read amazing things about this stuff called spritz for bits. It has witch hazel in and is meant to be a god send for pain relief and healing. Will definitely try ice packs!

OP posts:

Prusik · 01/01/2018 04:53

Don't forget, op, that birth can also go really well. I know it's luck really but my first was a home birth and I honestly didn't find it painful until Ds was crowning. And I guess that bit was the quick bit

Hmmalittlefishy · 01/01/2018 05:19

Think of it like trip advisor. Everyone always posts the worse reviews on there. Or amazing ones.
All the middle - was OK ones are never heard.
I did hupnobirthing with middle dc and it was fantastic. A hospital birth (my choice) although at the time I would have happily stayed at home, very very calm and no pain relief.
Dc1 birth was a different matter but I wouldn't go telling pregnant women in all the details
You will be fine - good luck
And at least tomorrow they will probably be hungover

Original poster

Mrstobe90 · 01/01/2018 05:23

Thank you both!
You’re probably right @littlefishy. I never thought of it like that! And I hope that their hangovers suck lmao

OP posts:

Dscarl07 · 01/01/2018 05:26

I’ll be honest my birth didn’t go smoothly-at all. I’m glad I didn’t have a birthing plan in place as I know how things can change and didn’t want to get my hopes up and be shut down.

That being said, I would go through it all again to see my little bundle of joy (12 weeks old). If possible, take the gas and air. I was so spaced out to recall any kind of pain but remember everything. Just remember things can go wrong but it doesn’t at all mean it will! And you may be worried now but when the time comes, you will be ready and prepared. Soon you will have your baby in your arms, enjoy every moment don’t read too much in the horror stories- everyone’s is different and it’s great you’re doing hypnobirthing.
Congratulations and a happy new year

Foobarjar · 01/01/2018 05:37

It's like nothing you can ever imagine! I've had 2 with long labours and no pain relief. So totally doable, copable. That's why people who've been through it like to tell you the worst bits. Not helpful I know, but you may end up doing the same in a couple of years!

It can be empowering though. Be prepared and feel ready to be strong. Ignore the horror stories x

Beakyplinders · 01/01/2018 06:12

I've had similar experiences in that people have tried telling me their negative birthing stories. I'm all for being prepared but as I'm also doing hypnobirthing and want to remain as calm as possible I've stopped these people in their tracks and simply told them I'm not listening to any negative birthing stories as everyone's labour and birth is unique anyway.

Mustang27 · 01/01/2018 06:31

Ignore ignore ignore. I'm post partum of 6hrs after doing hypnobirthing it was fantastic. Iv had two great labours!!! I won't lie they are not pain free they are intense, beautiful and hard work and I shit you not you should be proud of your labour and birth however it comes about. They were not easy, you are bringing a baby into the world after all. I did resort to gas and air for last hour or so but it really took the edge off for me and was great afterwards when getting my stitches. Please ignore all the scare mongering. We are taught throughout society as women we will fail but our bodies are designed to do it, you will be wonderful no matter what and at the end you will have a beautiful baby. Listen to your body and your instincts and the experts when you are labouring.

OuchBollocks · 01/01/2018 06:47

There was another thread on here not so long ago by a poster asking why nobody had warned her of all the things that could potentially go wrong in labour. This is why. IMO it's better to listen and be prepared for all eventualities. Your labour and birth may be textbook but then again they might not be and surely you would rather know what's going on? If the women sharing their birth stories aren't normally arseholes then why assume they're being arseholes now? If they are normally arseholes why engage with them at all?

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