Pregnancy advice for my male friend!

[bitzy12]

Hello, this is going to be a strange one but wasn’t sure where else to post. I am pregnant but my pregnancy has nothing to do with this post. It’s for a male friend of mine.

Yesterday he confided in myself and dh that he’s got someone pregnant. Pretty much a one night stand but in 2 separate occasions 1 week apart. She told him she couldn’t have children so they used no protection - very silly of him and he does know this.

The dates they had sex were 10th October and 17th October.

He’s been asking when the baby is due but she won’t tell him. All she’s told him is her 12 week scan is 9th January.

Now I’ve worked this out and that would mean she would be around 13 weeks now, 14 weeks next week when the scan will take place.

Anyone think she’s having him on? She broke up with her partner not too long before sleeping with our friend and she said they were trying but it never happened.

I don’t know this lady at all so I’m in no way judging her, she may of conceived differently, I don’t know. I just find it abit odd that she won’t tell him roughly when they baby is due. It would be early July I’m guessing. But he has heard from one of her friends that the baby is due end of June. Which still makes no sense. His head is all over the place. And unfortunately she does have a reputation so there is no way he can 100% believe the baby is his.

We have advised him to defo get a dna done when the baby is born and then go from there. He’s a lovely guy and know he will be in the babies life. But I won’t lie, he is also absolutely gutted too. But he realises he is all part in this too.

Basically we are just wondering that if the dates do add up, do the hospital ever scan at 14 weeks for a 12 week scan? I’ve always had my scans on the 12 week mark but do understand they may not have the appointments etc.

I’m so bloody annoyed at my friend for not using anything - he should know better at his age - sound like his mother lol - but what’s done is done and he’s come to us for support and advice and to be honest, I’ve got no idea what to tell him.

IME it is possible to have the 12-week scan late (closer to 13/14 weeks) due to lack of available appointments - especially around Christmas. And she may have shorter than average cycles so her last period started later than you’d expect. 9th Jan does sound late, but when did she split up with her previous partner? It would have to be literally days before.

I think your friend would be within his rights to ask for a DNA test after the baby is born. However, until then I think he must assume it is his, because if it is, he will want to bond with his child and that may not happen if he’s going by the assumption he/she is not his child.

I can see it’s not the ideal situation for your friend. But he has to remember that the baby’s need for a caring dad is more important than his own feelings.

My 12 week scan was at 13weeks.. with Christmas/new year it would be understandable that it would be late.
Would be an early July due date with those dates yes.. unfortunately the only way he will know for sure is a paternity test

The due date is usually calculated from the first day of the last period, which we don’t know, not from the conception date. So the due date could be late June not early July if she has short cycles or conceived early in the cycle.

Well I'm afraid I'm no help with the situation but can help a little with dates. I'm 14 w and due 30th June... But I did conceive 10th Oct, my original due date was 8 th July but an early and 12w scan has changed that.... Originally my scan was booked for 2nd Jan... In my 13th week.... It's possible but 9th Jan does seem late for 12w scan but if she's going by 17th Oct conception date then it's still possible and she would be due roughly first week of July to 16th July I reckon but not 100%. I think it could all make sense but he won't find out until DNA...I can only suggest to try and stay on her good side and be as supportive as possible until then so he doesn't shoot himself in the foot... Hope it works out ok for them all.

I've got my 12 week scan and we will be 13+4. We're due 6th of July if that's any help at all

I had appts all over the place due to busy clinics!

I don’t think you should assume she was lying. If her partner was shooting blanks she may have assumed it was her that was infertile. What would be interesting is if she gets back with the ex soon...

At this stage give her the benefit of the doubt and encourage him to help her have a stress free pregnancy. Most likely she is carrying his child and if the DNA tests says it’s not his then he’s done a good deed with no harm to himself.

I had my scan at 13 weeks, because I had to have another scan at 8 weeks to make sure I hadn't miscarried. Then I suppose they sent in the 12 week scan request late and I couldn't be seen until 13 weeks.

I don't think her dates are inherently implausible. Sperm can hang around for a couple of days, so let's say she actually ovulated on the 20th - then she'd be due July 13th, she'd be 12+1 today, and on the 9th she'd be 13+4 (these are all easy dates for me because it's exactly one week ahead of me!) - exactly the date they initially sent me for my 12 week scan (although I did manage to get mine moved to 13 weeks on the dot).

I wonder if she's a bit confused about her own dates? If she ovulates late then she could be 'due' late June by LMP, but she knows she didn't have sex at the right time for that and so is assuming she's actually later.

I think he's totally entitled to ask for a DNA test but he should be prepared for the strong possibility that this is his child - which, as you say, he can't much moan about given that he had entirely unprotected sex!

I think the last date NHS like to do the 12 week scan is 13+6.

Of course if he goes along to the scan he'll hear it direct.

That’s great thank you for replies here. I’m totally leaving it up to him and not getting involved however that was just something that rang alarm bells in my head. He will do the best he can, I know that for sure. He’s just still in shock I think. Being pregnant myself I do feel for her, i just hope neither one of them will be awkward about it. My friend needs to stand up and be there, get the test done and go from that.

She needs to update him a bit more with what’s going on and basically just be honest with everything.

Fingers crossed for them both x

That sounds just about right to me. There's no way of knowing when she ovulated, but if we just opt for midway between those two dates, that would make her due date the 8th of July (and she'd currently be 12 weeks). I had my scan for my first at 14 weeks. I didn't opt for the nuchal scan, so they often don't rush those scans. I also imagine the sonography unit wasn't doing anything but emergency appts over Christmas (I know my midwife wasn't doing any routine appts between Christmas and New Years), so everyone right now is a week or two late. That seems right on the mark as far as I'm concerned, especially if she may not know her dates exactly yet (because she wasn't trying, tracking periods, has irregular ones, etc.).

Thank you, I totally agree to be honest. I’m going to keep out of it all to be honest as I have my own pregnancy to worry about - I’m only 4 weeks with baby number 3 - but these replies have been helpful so thank you :-) x