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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

DD attending scan

24 replies

mustbemad17 · 28/12/2017 17:15

Total first world problem, i know!

My DD is 5, for the first four & a bit years of her life it was just us. Then my partner came on the scene, which was hard for her but she adjusted. I'm now 17 weeks pregnant & my partner has peed off...i'm worried she will get used to it being us again & have her nose pushed out of joint. Trying to get her fully involved with baby stuff; choosing outfits, sorting baby's bedding etc. I want to take her to my 20 week scan so she can take it in, get excited with me...but her school are frustrating with pulling them out unless they have a valid medical appt.

Am I being a bit naive to her educational needs (phrase used) by pulling her out an hour earlier? She's in FS so still really in the learn through play stage! I can't organise a scan later as our hospital only do them up to 3pm during the week

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

missjulia · 28/12/2017 17:18

I would go to the scan myself to check everything was OK, and then book a private one to take her to.

DearMrDilkington · 28/12/2017 17:19

I really wouldn't take a child to a scan, most hospitals wouldn't allow it anyway.

AccrualIntentions · 28/12/2017 17:23

I wouldn't take her; not because of school but because I don't think young children at NHS scans is a good idea.

PotteringAlong · 28/12/2017 17:26

Do not take her. Because if they very worst happens the last thing you need to do is to hold it together for her and she doesn’t need to be there for the “there’s not a heartbeat” moment.

It’s a medical test. Take her for a private scan later if you must but don’t take her to your anomaly scan.

Tinselistacky · 28/12/2017 17:27

At 20 weeks they saw my ds had club feet. I was in no state to have dealt with a dc also.As nice as it would be if all is ok, you can't guarantee that as yet.

Kardashianlove · 28/12/2017 17:34

I wouldn’t take her unless I had to. Imagine if you got some bad news while she was there.
At 5, the baby being born will be so far away. I don’t think it will be the ‘bonding’ experience you want it to be. 5 year olds just don’t see things like a scan in the same way as we do.

You could book a private scan much closer to when you are due and take her with you to that.

I think though by making things too much about the baby (scan, sorting clothes, bedding,etc) you risk her feeling pushed out. I would concentrate on putting your time and focus on your DD - doing what she wants to do, where she wants to go, rather than on the baby.

GinIsIn · 28/12/2017 17:35

I really wouldn’t - the 20 week scam is the anomaly scan. What if you get bad news?

Callamia · 28/12/2017 17:35

I also had worrying news at 20weeks. We were going to tell our then three year old straight after, but we waited a little longer until we were more clear about the baby’s prognosis.

I don’t think your daughter needs to be at the scan to bond with the baby. You are involving her in nice things, and that sounds lovely and appropriate. You might need someone to take to the scan, but I’m not sure your daughter is the right person.

FWIW, my son came to a late scan because he had to (positioning scan v close to term), and he was weirded out by the whole thing and preferred to look at his magazine. He really didn’t like the scan process, I think it was too overwhelming for him.

Original poster

mustbemad17 · 28/12/2017 18:16

I can't afford a private scan unfortunately 😔 She came to the private scan of my surro baby & was intrigued, it was all she could talk about.

Kardashian i totally get what you're saying re everything being baby...i'm not even really into full baby mode atm so it's not taking over. I had a friend bring me a load of stuff so DD was tasked with helping organise it, which she loved & told her GPs she felt very important. It's definitely a fine balance & I am terrified of cocking it up if I'm honest.

Thank you to everyone for your input, i really appreciate it. I think perhaps i'm being clouded a little by the last two pregnancies being so smooth & easy

OP posts:

DPotter · 28/12/2017 18:24

I can understand what you are trying to do, but it is a medical test, and you can get print outs of the baby.
Whatever you decide I would check they allow children in, many won’t especially a school age child.
Best wishes for your family in 2018

Wolfiefan · 28/12/2017 18:28

I doubt they would even let her in. It's an anomaly scan and not appropriate for a child.

Tollygunge · 28/12/2017 18:31

I’ve had very bad news at a scan. Please god you won’t have the same but I really really wouldn’t. My hospital don’t allow anyway

Original poster

mustbemad17 · 28/12/2017 18:31

We're allowed children in, i queried it after seeing kids there with my last scan. The sonographer said it's quite common at later scans.

Thank you DPotter

OP posts:

MotherOfBeagles · 28/12/2017 18:32

My local hospitals don't allow children into the room for scans. They have signs up everywhere warning that you cannot take them in or leave children unattended in the waiting room so pleas arrange alternative care. It made really wonder wth single parents do.

Hope your pregnancy goes well!

Original poster

mustbemad17 · 28/12/2017 18:32

So sorry to hear that Tolly

I think everyone is right, i think my panic over wanting her to feel involved is taking over a little. I'm terrified of mucking up & her feeling shoved aside

OP posts:

Crumbs1 · 28/12/2017 18:33

At five I wouldn’t push the baby on to her all the while. Let her enjoy just you two together until nearer the time. She’ll see the bump grow, feel the movement and gradually take it on board in her own way.

LostMyMojoSomewhere · 28/12/2017 18:34

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 28/12/2017 18:37

So many people forget the actual purpose of the anomaly scan, and treat it as nothing more than an opportunity to see the baby on the screen...
You probably won't be allowed to anyway, op.

Original poster

mustbemad17 · 28/12/2017 18:41

Llama we are allowed children in scans at ours, hence why i was debating it. If she wasn't even going to be allowed i wouldn't be fretting over it.

My DD is so excited about becoming a big sister. She brings it up herself to anyone who will listen; she's going to help, & make sure the baby knows what it needs to do. I haven't actually told anyone further afield yet 😂 Fine balancing act

OP posts:

Kardashianlove · 28/12/2017 19:54

That’s lovely she wants to be so involved. She sounds really sweet and I’m sure she’ll be an amazing big sister. She’ll get loads of chances to bond with the baby before it arrives (talking and feeling your bump,etc). I just don’t think the scan is the best way of doing it, especially if you did discover there was something wrong. It could be really traumatic for her being there and difficult for you too.

You can get deals on private scans. If you saved £5 a week you could probably have one at 30 weeks although personally I’d rather spend my money on something different!

I’m sure you won’t cock it up, you sound really considerate and aware of her needs. I think it’s hard as at 5 they understand what a baby is and what having a sibling means but in reality have no concept of what living with a newborn baby is like so if you build it up too much it can be a bit of a crash down for them.

Original poster

mustbemad17 · 28/12/2017 20:00

Thank you Kardashian

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superduperdo · 28/12/2017 20:02

I found out my baby had died at the 20 week scan. I had no idea before the scan, and my previous pregnancy had been textbook. I had DS1 with me, he was only 20 months so thankfully too young to understand, but DH and I were in absolute pieces, and it was made much worse by him being there for the discussion about what happened next, and clearly being distressed by our distress.
I would second what others have said - find out if everything is ok, and then book a private scan. Failing that, maybe put a scan photo in a special "big sister" frame for her?

superduperdo · 28/12/2017 20:04

There are some lovely books you can buy too. We had "there's a house inside my Mummy" for my next pregnancy, when DS1 was three, and he loved it.

Original poster

mustbemad17 · 28/12/2017 20:15

So sorry to hear that Super that must have been awful.

I will definitely have a look at the book, thank you

OP posts:

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