I'm very unhappy in my 16 year marriage.
But I don't know if I am just being a spoilt, mardy cow about things OR have genuine reason to be unhappy.
I have tried so hard to get some clarity. Nothing has helped, to be honest. Have spoken to supportive friends and my mother and sister in confidence over the last 2-3 years. I've had counselling to try to sort my head out. No joy. I just feel increasingly unhappy and I am driven mad by the guilt about potentially breaking up our family (two DC, 13 and 10) because I am not happy/satisfied. Seems so selfish.
DH is a kind man. He is a hard worker, very practical and organised and by far the better earner. He has supported me through a serious illness in 2013/14. He is 50/50 with childcare, utterly devoted to our DC and does a lot practically in our lives, although not so great with housework and very hard to talk to about the big issue - money, our future plans etc - as he clams up and gets really stressed.
He is also massively obsessive about his hobby, which he has now turned into a pretty decent money-making second career, which means his obsession is justifiable now. He is absent from family life SO much because of this, and I feel increasingly distant from him.
He makes it up when he is here to a certain extent - very hands-on with DC, lovely to me (will cook, give me massages, talk and be interested and affectionate)...but its not enough. 80% of the time I'm alone, lonely and feel at the mercy of his agenda.
Because of the unpredictable, self employed nature of his work, I can't plan anything much in advance. No 'Tuesday night I go to the gym' or 'Fridays once a month I see friends'. Everything has to be OK'd against his schedule to see if it fits in. He has about 10 dates booed in in Deceber for Xmas do's before I'd even had a chance to book a single night out, so I had to woe around him as usual.
He is so dynamic and proactive about his life, which I admire and always found attractive about him, but I have suddenly found I feel like a complete spare part and housewife stuck in a rut (I work full time, I have great friends, I'm not some sad case....but I just feel suffocated by HIM and HIS shit). Everything is about him, his career, his hobbies, his ideas. I have morphed in to her indoors. WTF?
Is this my fault? Am I going totally mad? Ive spent Christmas feeling quietly sad about us. I organised everything, the presents, cooked etc. He just turned up and was a jolly and kind but pretty useless addition. He is off at the pub tonight watching football and I feel about 75 years old instead of 40 and really don't want the next decade to be all about him...