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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Christmas cake while pregnant?

51 replies

LisaSimpsonsbff · 22/12/2017 14:16

I am 10 weeks pregnant and both DH and I are incredibly nervous because I had three miscarriages before this pregnancy. Last night I ate a big slice of Tesco Christmas cake and went to have another slice today with my lunch; DH pointed out that it says on the packet it has Cognac in it, and asked me not to eat it. I'm going to do as he asks - he's been incredibly kind about trying to help with my anxiety about this pregnancy and I don't want to stoke his - but was just wondering: this is actually fine, isn't it? It must have a tiny bit in; unlike alcoholic liqueur chocolates it isn't sold as a product that contains alcohol, and children eat fruit cake, right? Do other pregnant women eat Christmas cake?

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AnUtterIdiot · 23/12/2017 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harrietm87 · 23/12/2017 15:34

Hi @LisaSimpsonsbff and huge congratulations!!!

I had no sickness in this pregnancy but had terrible nausea 1 of the 3 times I was pregnant and miscarried - don't worry about that.

And tbh I'd eat the cake. As is explained in expecting better, it is perfectly safe to drink small
amounts, even in early pregnancy, and the amounts in cake are minimal. Children can eat it! If it makes you feel better to avoid it then fine, but if it's really coming from your DH and you want the cake, you could ask him to read the book and he might chill out a bit!

Original poster

LisaSimpsonsbff · 23/12/2017 20:36

Thanks for the reassurance all!

Thanks Harriet - still only 10 weeks so a long way to go but first one in which we've ever seen a heartbeat and got this far so trying to be cautiously hopeful! You must be well into second trimester by now?

OP posts:

chocolatepudandchocolatesauce · 23/12/2017 21:26

I dont understand all this "its your body, do as you please". Its his baby too, and he doesnt get to make any decisions before it is born? You are expecting him to care for the baby and make responsible decisions for it once its born so its very mean to not allow him any say in its care before that. When i was pregnant with our second i didnt want any diagnostic tests, i wouldnt have any tests if the first one came up high risk. My husband wanted the tests done (involving me giving blood, so a physical "pain" to me.) You know what i did? I had the test. Why? Because it was his child too. We were parenting this child together, we made decisions together right from the start.
Yes the cake is incredibly unlikely to cause any harm to OP's baby but her husband is concerned. It wont hurt her not to eat the cake but it will alleviate his fears, and i think she is right to take his feelings and wishes into consideration.
Good luck with the pregnancy OP. I hope your husband can relax as you get further along. X

Nelly5678 · 23/12/2017 21:46

Alcohol is alcohol to me, you can't guarantee it was all cooked off, why would you risk it, especially with a history like yours. Plus you know Xmas cake has booze in it so why would you willingly eat it without thinking about it first. So stupid....

harrietm87 · 23/12/2017 21:54

@Nelly5678 do you realise that you're implying the OP's actions may have impacted on her previous losses? Why on earth is her history relevant? Also are you saying that a minuscule amount of alcohol causes miscarriage?

There have been numerous studies into this, which are reviewed in detail in the book expecting better. They conclude that small amounts of alcohol are safe.

Also @chocolatepudandchocolatesauce I agree that it's important to take the father's views into consideration, but only if they are informed ones. If he decided it wasn't safe for her to drive in a car in case she was in a crash and it might harm the baby, would you think that was reasonable? It's about properly evaluating levels of risk, which you can only do when you know what those levels are.

harrietm87 · 23/12/2017 21:56

@LisaSimpsonsbff massive congrats! 10 weeks is a huge milestone - placenta takes over around now. I'm 25 weeks - can't believe it! FWIW despite my losses I've had a couple of drinks this Christmas (half a glass
of prosecco on 3 occasions), and have been told by my consultant that this is absolutely fine.

Nelly5678 · 23/12/2017 21:57

No not at all!!!! I had two before my ds and was terrified of consuming any after. I wanted to avoid anything that could contribute. I guess I assumed all people would be that anal about avoiding things at all costs when having that kind of history

harrietm87 · 23/12/2017 22:05

That would make sense if avoiding all alcohol would prevent a mc, which it wouldn't. I've had 3 mcs because I have an autoimmune issue. No amount of stressing over cheese and alcohol etc is going to make a difference. Drinking alcohol in large amounts (extreme binging) can cause an early mc. Drinking large amounts consistently later on can cause FAS. Eating a slice of Christmas cake will do f*ck all. And it's not helpful to call her stupid after the event, even if it was (which it wasn't given what I've said above).

LurkingQuietly · 23/12/2017 22:16

Nelly5678 how about practising a little kindness? Your post was uncalled for. I suggest a New Years resolution for you is to try and be less of a dick.

OP, it wouldn't even have crossed my mind tbh, try not to let it worry you. I'm currently pg with my 3rd and each time I've been on a big boozy night out 3 or 4 days before finding out I was pregnant at 7 ish weeks. It happens. For what it's worth, you and your husband sound like a great team. Best of luck.

Nelly5678 · 23/12/2017 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Somerville · 23/12/2017 22:38

Supermarket fruit cakes are between 0-5% brandy. This is utterly negligible - less than you'd get from a swill of mouthwash. Hence why there are no age restrictions on purchase.

And seriously, relenting to someone's anxiety-driven request that is based on incorrect information (such as that a negligible amount of alcohol could be harmful to the baby) isn't helpful to their anxiety at all. He needs counselling if it's really so bad that he can't cope with you eating a piece of fruit cake.

Original poster

LisaSimpsonsbff · 23/12/2017 22:54

Thanks so much for your advice nelly, which I'll be going back in time to follow straight away. Was it strictly necessary to call me stupid, though?

Btw I showed DH this thread and he now keeps reassuring me that I should have the cake if I want it! We are both basically basket cases at the moment (and I am having counselling, which is helping a bit) but I think I made it sound like he's constantly anxious or hovering around watching what I'm eating, which he's not.

OP posts:

Afterconkerseason · 24/12/2017 08:51

I wouldn’t give a second thought to the slices you have eaten, the amount in shop bought cake is likely to be low. If it makes you and DH happier to avoid it for one Christmas then do that I’m 35 weeks and keep reminding myself next year I can bath in prosecco, mulled wine and pate if I want to!

Smurf123 · 24/12/2017 09:04

Lisa both me and my husband do this too.. He is not being controlling or trying to make me stuff. He anxious just like me! Tbh I wouldnt have thought twice about eating the cake (Except I genuinely don't like it) and similar to you I think I would then have panicked when dh or anyone else asked if it was OK to eat it due to alcohol... But it won't have done you or baby any harm (when I'm thinking rationally I know this) however usually for me it takes a day for me to have calmed down enough to think things through - it took me three weeks with a prescription of gaviscon for heartburn to actually take the first does (and it specifically says it's safe!!) but for what it's worth we are getting there and i hope things continue to go well for you and your husband!! Merry Christmas!!

eurochick · 24/12/2017 09:46

I would - and did - happily eat Christmas cake when pregnant. Mine was an ivf pregnancy after a previous ivf miscarriage. I found out I was pregnant again the week before Christmas. I ate Christmas cake, mince pies, Christmas pudding. The amount of alcohol is negligible. I was a very nervous preggo but there is nothing to be nervous about around this issue. I'm really surprised at replies on here saying they wouldn't "risk it". What's the risk from consuming small amounts of alcohol in food? Show me the evidence and I'll accept there is one. Otherwise it's like saying don't drive a car because giraffes. I.e. nonsense!

BigBaboonBum · 24/12/2017 10:06

People saying if it makes OH feel better then avoid it... lolllllllll! This forum cracks me up at times.

BigBaboonBum · 24/12/2017 10:09

People saying if it makes OH feel better then avoid it... lolllllllll! This forum cracks me up at times.

CurryWorst · 24/12/2017 10:15

I dont understand all this "its your body, do as you please". Its his baby too, and he doesnt get to make any decisions before it is born?

No, he doesn't.

Humaning 101.

Original poster

LisaSimpsonsbff · 24/12/2017 10:20

People saying if it makes OH feel better then avoid it... lolllllllll! This forum cracks me up at times.

You're right, DH's anxiety and fear after seeing his wife go through depression and anxiety after repeated miscarriages is just SO FUNNY, isn't it? Really glad this thread gave you a good laugh.

OP posts:

Gwenhwyfar · 24/12/2017 10:25

" If he decided it wasn't safe for her to drive in a car in case she was in a crash and it might harm the baby, would you think that was reasonable?"

I had a colleague whose husband wouldn't let her drive when she was pregnant.
One day she was voraciously hungry and talking about how much she wanted chips from the chip shop. Go for it, I said, but she said her husband would only let her eat healthy foods during the pregnancy.

BigBaboonBum · 24/12/2017 13:51

@LisaSimpsonsbff
Aw, yeah, you’re right. His anxiety at watching somebody else go through depression means he can control you.

Because his feelings, right?

just no. It’s not his body and since it has no affect on the baby it has NOTHING to do with him. People can be controlling in a ‘nice’ way.

Original poster

LisaSimpsonsbff · 24/12/2017 15:27

Look, he isn't controlling. I'm sorry if I inadvertently gave the impression he is, but you seem to lack basic empathy.

OP posts:

BigBaboonBum · 24/12/2017 15:51

I’m empathetic for you, just not him. I fully understand the feeling of loss and depression, and I hope that you can heal... but he’s just telling you not to eat something and obviously making your anxiety worse. I think he should be more thoughtful and empathetic towards you, and not worry about how he feels and focus on yourself. He’s not been through anything, you went through a list of things you have been through, not him!

Take care

Original poster

LisaSimpsonsbff · 24/12/2017 16:44

If you think miscarriage is not an emotional trauma for a man then I was right - you lack basic empathy. And I don't want your sympathy.

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