Midwife is a bit... useless

[Paperchains1986]

My midwife is a bit useless. She is scatty as anything, resends me for blood tests I've had, cancels apps I don't need which she has booked, then forgets. Texts me with useless questions which I've already told her. I text her the Friday as I couldn't keep water done for some advice but still havent heard back from her. All my dates seem wrong as each scan tells me a different due date which I'm worried about. She text me to come in urgently a few weeks ago making me think something was wrong but she had forgotten she'd already seen us the week before so thought we needed another antenatal appt that we didn't.

This is my first and I've no idea what's going on and feel more confused than ever now.

What can I do? Help!

My first midwife was pretty scatty too. She failed to tell me that the recommended date for having the whooping cough jab was now 20 weeks. I only found out it was late when I moved house - ended up having it at nearly 30 weeks, babies were born at 35+1 and one had growth restriction.... 8 weeks later, guess which one caught whooping cough? No idea if that was to blame but it still makes me angry!

I work with midwife supervisors and head midwives and I am sure they would assign you to someone else if you're uncomfortable, and hopefully they can also offer some support to this midwife who sounds completely overwhelmed. It's an incredibly hard job with ridiculous workloads and sounds like she's struggling.

Hear u never get to see the same midwife u don't have a mobile number for them u have to ring the office and they only listen to massages at 8am Monday to Friday. So when I had a problem had to ring hospital felt bad but was something that could wait 24 hours I think there is a real issue with midwife at the moment with under funding and staffing

I booked my 20 week scan after my 12 week scan, there and then, midwife had nothing to do with it, she just confirmed with me if this was done later. I would ring the antenatal dept in your hospital or midwives office to doublecheck if your midwife is unreliable when it comes to getting in touch!

I didn't know whooping cough was 20 weeks either, that's pretty soon for me!

I have the same midwife eveytime I go firstchild7. I've got her mobile number too.

Did you all know to book your own by instinct or did someone tell you? Annoyingly she told me I'd be offered flu jab so sounded like I needed to wait for an appt. Also, my 12 week scan was booked for me and no-one said I should book my own 20 week one.

12 week scan was booked for me too. But when I was leaving my 12 week one the person who did it told me I would need to book the 20 week one and went to the reception desk with me, but that was maybe just the day they do it with my hospital.
The flu jab and whooping cough I had to book on my own, the midwife told me to arrange it and gave me a phone number-
in my hospital antenal services do all this. Have you got a booklet with phone numbers? Maybe best if you ring them. Whooping cough does not to be at 20 weeks, I think I had mine at 24. And you can get free flu jabs from Boots anyway and that's what I did, as the waiting time was long for the hospital and flu season in full swing, and Boots was a walk in service almost.

12 week scan was booked automatically after booking in appointment. I got a letter from the hospital. I then booked my own 20 week appointment at the hospital after 12 week scan. I've got to have additional growth scans due to bmi and I will be booking those at the hospital after 20 week scan. I was aware pregnant women should have a flu jab so I just booked myself to see the nurse at the surgery. The nurse advised me I should have whooping cough after my 20 week scan so will be booking that shortly.

Hmm, it seems like some of you have been given information I've not had about booking 20 week scan, whooping cough and flu jab. Sausageroll and LadyRenoir, you say you booked your own 20 week scan, but how did you know it wouldn't be booked in automatically like your 12 week one?

I wish my midwife would have been clearer with me about this as I would have got it all sorted by now, or tried at least. I don't think it's unreasonable to have assumed that being told I'd be offered a flu jab meant I'd get an appt. I went to my 12 week scan and no-one mentioned my 20 week scan, I just went straight up to the blood tests and then left the hospital.

I'm back at work Tues and obv Sunday and BH today and tomorrow. Annoying to have to sort this all last minute when I could have done it while off over Christmas. Maybe that's me just being anxious and grumpy but I can't see how first time mum's can just guess this stuff without being told by someone!

My midwife booked my 12 and 20 week scans so it might be yours will book yours at 18 week appt? Might be worth asking though

Hi paperchains i just commented on your other thread

I too have had pretty patchy community midwife care [although the ones I’ve seen at the hospital have been fab!].

I think you need to take control yourself a bit. Don’t wait to be told, ask at every appt ‘so what do I need to do next then?’

I’m a bit of a control freak though but I’ve found it means I leave the appt knowing exactly what the next steps are [i probably am mentally just treating my appts more like meetings lol but I figure I wouldn’t leave a work meeting without a clear understanding of who had got what actions to follow up afterwards 🙈😂]

Scarlett, I too ask that. I have also been very proactive and read as much online as possible. The flu jab I was told I was offered one in the same way I was offered a 12 week scan which was booked for me. I have asked the midwife what to do next, and she literally says "I'll see you again on the xx/xx/xx [date we've just scheduled for next antenatal appt]"

Not sure if you read original post but my midwife seems to be overly confusing lots of things - additional unnecessary appts and questions about my ethnicity which she knows, second blood tests because of lost results, emergency appointments that put the fear of god in me which turn out to be superfluous etc

Many users on here got booked into their 20 week scan at the end of their 12 week scan, and this didn't happen for me either.

Thanks for the patronising work advice too (😂🙈) !

Sorry I didn’t mean to be patronising! Just people often seem to want their hand holding through life (not saying that’s you) and it drives me crackers!

@paperchains1986 my scans were all booked for me but I needed to book the flu and whooping cough vaccine, so there is clearly some variation in practice across the country.

However, I would strongly advise you to change midwife. Yes, they are very busy but if your midwife can’t manage that business they may, unwhittingly, put your baby at risk and make your pregnancy harder. I had two like this and one of them almost killed my son during birth. I completely understand the British reserve but you must do what’s right for you and your baby.

Sorry Scarlett, prob my frustrations with MW coming through. I do really hate that stupid crying laughing emoji and see no evil monkey though. Best way to rub me up the wrong way! Perhaps second only to people that write something rude on his then cross it out as if it makes any difference to what you've just typed and acronyms I don't understand

No worries I have a 12yr old step daughter so probably have got in the habit of overusing emojis as that’s the only way she seems to communicate!

I do understand your frustration, my 36 week appt was the first time I had seen the same mw twice, ‘my’ mw works 3 hours 1 morning a week, and thinks I’m the unreasonable one if I can’t make an appt with her in that time frame...

Wow OP your midwife seems awful. Surprised though that (a) you've got one dedicated midwife and (b) you can text her! I've had a different person every single time, and if I want to ask a question I have to ring a "maternity hotline" that's only open for 2 hrs a day and always engaged! Sorry to derail slightly but things really vary so much depending on where you live, which doesn't seem fair.

Hope you can get moved to a different one.

Re 20 week scans, where I am they’re booked in by the hospital (not midwife) and you get sent an appointment letter in the post. I had a number on the front of my notes to call if I hadn’t received an appointment - is there not one you can try? I didn’t get mine through until gone 18 weeks mind.

And whooping cough vaccine can now be given at 16+ weeks. I had it at 17w when I had my flu jab, but I had to arrange that separately at the doctors. More info here: www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/whooping-cough-vaccination-pregnant.aspx#When

I don't think u have to have whooping cough at 20 weeks I had mine at 32 just ring ur docs and ask for this a nurse did mime same with flue

paperchains after my 12 week scan I was told to take a seat back in the waiting room (I actually thought it was to see the consultant but my trust has changed that now). The receptionist called me back up, made an appointment for 20 week scan and handed notes back.

So I called my hospital on 4th Jan to mention mine hadn't been scheduled and they told me that a date is sent to me in the post . Usually about now, but they are delayed because of Christmas. Surprisingly different around the country as some of you say it was booked at 12 weeks and some by you directly.

I also booked my flu jab and whooping cough on 4th and then that night a letter through my Drs surgery to say a date had been scheduled. So turns out in my neck of the woods it IS all done for you! Christmas just delayed the appts and post (flu jab letter dated 11th Dec) so I was panicking unnecessarily. Particularly because no one else had this experience.

Thanks to those of who you responded!

My first community midwife was terrible, fortunately it turned out that I could only get to appointments on days that she didn't work so I was transferred to someone else! Brilliant.

I use www.nhs.uk/Conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/Pages/antenatal-appointment-schedule.aspx to double check what I'm meant to be doing, and I call the hospital/GP/midwife HQ to confirm if what I've been told doesn't match. I have been given the run around on a few things, so now I just keep asking with my oh so innocent face on . It's annoying and disjointed but also hard to say who is at fault overall. Example today is GP saying they had booked me in for vaccine but no record of appointment when I called to confirm the time. It's tiring having to keep checking but I will.

My midwife is atrocious.

*She miscalculated my due date at the booking-in appointment, which resulted in the hospital scheduling my 12 week scan too late (if I hadn't realised and got it changed I'd have missed the window for screening).

*She booked my scan and the follow-up appointment with the consultant a week apart, so I had to go for the scan then trail all the way back to hospital a week later for the 5-minute follow-up with the consultant.

*She failed to give me my MAT-B1 form and I had to drive to a neighbouring practice to collect it, then when I got there she hadn't done it and I had to drive all the way back to collect it the following day.

*She put my husband's date of birth as my date of birth, which resulted in me being wrongly classified as high risk because of age.

*She gave me loads of info about breastfeeding classes which had been cancelled and completely failed to book me onto alternative classes when asked.

*She failed to give me any info at all about ante-natal classes and I had to research and book them myself.

*She passed incorrect info to the health visitor who assumed I was an unmarried mother because that's what the midwife had told her.

I was so relieved to find out she isn't actually in charge of delivering the baby when I go into labour!