Announcing baby name before relatives who are also pregnant give birth?

[greybunny]

I'm not very far along at the moment and hopefully all being well, based on due dates I'll be having little one 4ish weeks after sil and 8ish weeks after my sister. I had a previous loss in my first pregnancy.
So during my last pregnancy with dd we felt much more connected when we found out the sex and chose a name. We talked about her using her name between ourselves and kept the name from our families until she arrived. It did feel a bit weird telling the midwife whilst I was in labour what dd was going to be called when we hadn't told our parents yet.

Anyway we'd both agreed that next time it would be nice to announce the name to our close relatives before little ones arrival. Plus due to sickness etc and complications after birth we weren't able to tell them face to face what her name was.

Now that my sister and sil are pregnant and giving birth before me, I feel like it will be awkward and they would see it as a dick move to announce a name, when they are the ones giving birth first.

I struggled after the birth of dd and felt that things would have been much worse had I not felt a bond with her which I felt really increased once we knew sex and name. I felt very detached before we found out the sex and confirmed a name.

On the other hand I don't want to have a name for baby and use it for months prior to his/her arrival , talking about the baby's name in front of dd and then find out my new nephew/niece has that name and I can't use it!

Any advice would be appreciated. Would you be offended in this situation?

How far along are you exactly?

I have a few friends who have announced their baby's full name when they've posted their 12 week scan on Facebook!! If you want to name your baby, I think you should. I don't think they should be offended (unless you choose one of "their" names...?!) I can actually understand the fear that they might choose your name, tbh. I was so relieved when my colleague had her baby (she was due the same time as me) and the name wasn't on my shortlist!

We didn't name ours until they were a few days old but everyone is different!

Don’t forget if they tell you the sex, it’s not always accurate. I had a girl’s name ready, but no boys’ names for the boy I got!

So you’re basically worried that your sister and SIL could beat you to the name? You could mention the name you’ve chosen to them. But who knows, if they’ve chosen the same name for their children, they might just go ahead with it despite your ‘announcement’. And tbh, an’announcement’ of the name before the baby has been born sounds a bit self-absorbed.

@JoJoSM2 I'm not worried about being 'beaten' to a name, I'm really worried about having a connection to a name and bonding with my baby with that name and then potentially 4weeks or less prior to due date, through no choice of my own my baby can't then have that name.

There's quite often posts on here where people have announced the name before birth then got annoyed that others then used it. If you'd mind that I'd keep it to yourself

Surely you don't need a name in order to bond with your unborn baby. I mean, it helps you perhaps identify more with your baby. But bonding? You need to sort that out.

In all honesty, you strike me as a bit anxious about something you just can't control.

Why don't you just casually tell people/refer to baby as that name. An announcement sounds self absorbed and like you might be planning a reveal cake with the name baked into the middle in pink/blue sponge. I can understand why you want to know the name/sex/make your baby more 'real' prior to birth after what's happened to you so I think it's fine to just tell people the name once you know sex

They might feel the same way about the name they pick and then feel obliged to change it after your ‘announcement’

If it means that much to you tell them how you feel about and discuss it with them. You might be working yourself up over nothing.

Don't think you should do a full announcement, but I'm sure people will ask how your scan has gone and if you've found out the sex. I don't see why you shouldn't reply with "it's a girl, think we're probably going to call her Jane" or similar.

Worst case senario your daughter has the same name as her cousin. Even if they do happen to chose the name you use, it doesn’t mean you can’t use it also if you really wanted.

I don’t think it’s weird, in fact people have been asking me for some weeks for her name, as they feel better using it than ‘baby’ or ‘bump’ and i’m 30 wks.

I would be worried that when you meet your little one, they don't seem like the name you have chosen. Happened to me! I was certain about a girls name all throughout my pregnancy and then it just didn't seem to fit her when she was born.

This is so odd. I find it really strange and self-absorbed when people keep the name a secret. Just say your pregnant etc and then refer to the baby by their name. If you don’t make s big deal hopefully they won’t either.

I’m a Spanish and it must be that the culture is different. You normally announce the name of the baby once you’ve got it chosen.
That way any other pregnant people around you normally don’t use it. I’d rather know that I won’t be able to use x now that I’m 6m pregnant than once I’m 8.5m and my sil has used it so need to think again. Also normally people buy you things with the name engraved which they won’t be able to do so easily if announced when giving birth.

I’m planning sending a pic on Xmas day to my family with the chosen name, we finally chose it over the last weekend. I’m lucky nobody will use my name as I come from an area with local names so non on my British friends will use it nor will anyone from home as currently nobody is pregnant.

With all the names that are in the world itd be really unlucky that the one you’ve chosen you can’t anymord for any reason. I think itd be really aibu that you announced it and others that give birth sooner go an use it. As per other people not liking it , I find critics will come sooner or later , however , the most important is what you and your dh feel about that name

Op I’m sure whatever you choose you’ll like it once baby is here.

I can understand your wanting to have a name for the baby, our daughter had a name from the day of the gender scan and like you say, it helped me feel connected and for this growing bump to have a name

If your DD is very young she will probably blab anyway!

Just tell people. No great announcement. I told people who asked.

I think it is a bit weird to tell people its name before it is a proper person. I get that the parents may want to give it a name, just like some people give their "bump" a cutesy nickname, but I could never bring myself to call an unborn child by an actual name (that may not even be used by the time it is born)

We’re oregnant with our first, we’re having a baby girl. We’ve always had a name chosen for a boy and a girl. We’ve told our families and closest friends but no more than that. We’ve even got blankets personalised for when she arrives. If you are definitely sticking to the name chosen then I don’t see any harm in telling your closest. X

Just because you announce the name, it doesn't mean that the relatives won't use it though.

One of my colleagues is pregnant. Has told us in wirk its a boy and told us his name. We didn't even blink. Everyone does their own thing. I didnt tell anyone the names as l didnt want any comments. So up to you. Maybe over Cheistmas throw a name into the conversation but don't make a big announcement.

You can use the same name, it's not that big of a deal. Lots of families have multiple Sarahs and Beckys or Daves for example, just by marrying in! It just means they'll end up being known as Sarah G and Sarah K or whatever, different versions of a nickname like Becca and Becky, or big Joe/little Joe.

I can’t see why you wouldn’t just use the name and let people know that’s your choice. If others did choose the same name that’s no big deal either. There are lots of Charlottes/Mollys/Catherine’s in the world so most names aren’t unique. Personally I don’t get that a name helps you feel connected - the babies growing inside you so you can’t get much more connected. No harm either way.

Sounds like you have to your reasons for naming your baby. Just go ahead and do what will work for your family.