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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

BFP after ivf, emotional mess!

2 replies

ColaCube22 · 17/12/2017 09:24

I want to start of my saying that I'm so grateful that we got our BFP and I'm hoping that all the couples that are going through infertility treatment get theirs too.
I better star at the beginning.
We had been trying to conceive for 4 years and we have our BFP after our second fet embryo transfer (our last Fe).
I found the whole process really difficult, I have a fear of needles which I managed to drag myself through for the grater good. I was hospitalised after HOSS, they retrieved 15 eggs but only 3 fertilised and then 2 blastocyst were frozen until I recovered. I was put on a really high dose of progynova and obviously the progesterone pessaries before the fet that worked. They made me feel ill anyway but that was fine, again for the greater good.
So BFP, amazing! So happy!
I'm now 8+1. We've had our scan at 7+1 and saw our little bean with its lovely heart beat.
I'm so ill, as mentioned in a previous post. I have constant severe nausea, Ive only been sick a handful of times but I'm the verge constantly of throwing up, it comes up then goes back down and the acid heaves me with terrible heartburn. I have to force myself to eat and work is so hard as I have quite a physical job (they have moved me onto lighter work) but I'm still bending and lifting all night so the sick feeling is even worse.
This may be tmi but weeks of pessaries have made me very uncomfortable down below. Needless to say the combination of severe nausea, lack of energy, uncomfortableness and fear of it all going wrong has killed any romantic feeling.
So my Dh has been really good up until yesterday. Before he's been gently suggesting we could try and have sex until that point. He basically pestered me all day for sex, I gave in, it was tense and uncomfortable for me but he seemed happy. Wake up this morning and he's wanting to again.
I burst out crying, all these feelings just spill out. I'm not sure if I even meant all of them.. I say I'm fed up of feeling like this I hate it. I'm sick of sticking things (medication and needles) in me and up me. I'm run down, out of puff and if it's going to be like this for months on end I can't do it! I can't go back to the begging!
You have had to do nothing, apart from watch all of this happen (awful thing to sayI know) and make jokey comments about how you hope to get your wife back at the end of it!
He went in a huff and said "oh well I know not to ask for sex again, I hope your yourself again after all this is over"
Arghhh I don't even know who I am anymore, what if this is me now!
I'm so miserable, I just want to know when it gets better. I've been crying on and off for days.
Has anyone been left with these feelings?
I sound so ungrateful but im not, those two lines were one of the best moments of my life, I don't know why I'm feeling like this.

OP posts:
ShottaSheriff · 17/12/2017 09:33

As much as I personally think he deserves both barrels for being a total arsehole, I think you need to sit him down when you are both calm and explain to him exactly what you have been through and why sex is not the priority. Of course, he should understand this, but it sounds as though he needs reminding. My DH is wonderful, but sometimes I think he forgot how hard things were for me during IVF/pregnancy/miscarriage. This was because I’m good at coping with a lot of shit. Because I was stoical and got on with it, I think it wasn’t always obvious that I needed looking after.

I would be telling him that his behaviour has been extremely disappointing and selfish, and that he needs to step up and support you during a very challenging time.

And a practical tip with the pessaries - I’d go for up back door rather than vaginally if things are getting uncomfortable - much less mess.

Good luck with your pregnancy - the early weeks are a horrific rollercoaster of emotion but it does get better. Flowers

elvesareneverhappy · 17/12/2017 09:55

I also agree your husband has been an asshole. Your body has been through so much, the last thing you need is pressure for sex. IVF is physically and emotionally draining and I think partners/men experience it differently because it isn't their bodies being poked and prodded. I agree that you need to spell it out for him when you are both calm.

I agree about the progesterone tip above. Much easier and more convenient once you get used to it.

Good luck!

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