I found out nearly 2 weeks ago that I'm pregnant with my first child. It wasn't planned, and I wasn't going to go through with the pregnancy to begin with. My partner was really upset and wanted me to keep it but said either way he would support me. I gave myself a little time to get my head around it, and decided that I have enough support and love to make it through this.
Iv always suffered with depression and my lifestyle has always been around drinking and going out and socialising.
Iv found myself crying most days, questioning wether or not I'm making the right choice, Iv been so tired and depressed and realised I don't have any friends other than the ones id go out with. Iv been stuck in the house spending all my time with my partner who just sits and plays on his games all the time and Iv never felt as alone and as less like myself in my life.
Iv talked to him about it, then found myself having to reassure him that I'm ok after all because he was just worried and nothing he said could make me feel any better.
My boobs are swollen Iv put weight on my skin is breaking out and I feel disgusting. I feel like I have no life or identity anymore, and that I'm going to be a terrible mother and when it is born il have no connection to him/her.
I have never liked children either, I see them when I'm out screaming or running under my feet and it irritates me.
Iv spoken to friends with young children and they said that it's different when it's your own and that il love them very much, but I just can't see it right now.
I just feel completely hopeless and at despair. Getting rid of it isn't an option as I couldn't go through with it, I'm just fed up of feeling like this.
Has anyone been through something similar? It's just such a huge shock and change to your life, and it feels like I'm having to start my life all over again and build it up from the beginning.
I'm sorry for rambling, I just didn't know where else to let it out.