Should I tell my mum over the phone or wait until I see her?

[MissScarletinthePantry]

This isn't a huge dilemma or anything, but I'd welcome people's thoughts on what they would do in the circumstances.

I will be 12 weeks pregnant at Christmas and we are planning on telling our parents then. It is the first DGC on both sides. However, this year I will be with the ILs over Christmas. We will travel to stay with my DM on 28 December. To be honest, my ILs do often get preference over my DM in many respects as my DM is not at all demanding whereas my PIL are more so - I feel the need to make sure that I look out for her interests more carefully in these circumstances.

We plan to tell ILs on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day - the not drinking would be a dead giveaway anyway. The question is - should I:

1. Telephone my mum just before telling the ILs. That way there is some balance in that she will know just before them but they will get to celebrate in person.
2. Telephone my mum just after telling the ILs. That way she knows around the same time as they do.
3. Wait until we see her a few days later and tell her in person. That way she finds out after my ILs but gets the joy of finding out in person which is better than on the phone.

My mum is not a petty person - ie she would be unlikely to take umbrage at either being told over the phone or being told after the ILs, but I would like to tell her in the best/most considerate way. What would you do?

Personally, I'd tell her in person - I think it might be a bit awkward telling her over the phone, especially if you do it beforehand and so have to do it without the ILs wondering what's going on! However, I think all three options are absolutely fine and unlikely to cause any upset to someone as reasonable as your mother sounds, so go with whatever feels best/most natural to you. Congratulations!

Tell her over the phone first. She's your mum so I think it would be nice for her to find out first especially as it isn't in person

I live abroad and had to tell my mum over the phone - she was so happy, I could hear her smile on the phone.

I know I’d tell my mum first in the day and then tell my ILs later

I'd wait to tell her personally (and make it clear to in laws not to tell ANYONE till you've told your mum)

Then label one of her Christmas presents 'to grandma' and put a teeny babygrow in it?

If you are going to ring before I'd do it a couple of days before - before you go to the ILs. I just think otherwise you'll be skulking around in their garden or something, trying to have a private chat with your mum!

I sent my mum a picture of my pregnancy test.

I FaceTimed my parents to tell them which i think they appreciated and lovely to see there reactions but if that wasn't an option I would just wait the few days, it's not long

I think it's fine to wait a few days to tell her in person. I told my inlaws first as we live abroad and they were staying with us and I'm telling my parents in person at Christmas. Inlaws will have known for 7 weeks by then. Bit ideal but I couldn't hide it when they were here as I've got HG. It's a shame for you to miss a lovely moment in person for the sake of a few days.

Not ideal not bit

FaceTime her now. Give her a two week head start!

I'd tell her over the phone first too but tbh I really don't think it's that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. I'm pregnant, 12 weeks now with the first grandchild on both sides of the family. The first person we told was my DM, I told her over the phone at about 7 weeks purely because I have hyperemesis and by that point she knew I'd been very ill for a week or so and off work so felt like I had to really so she didn't worry that I had some dreadful illness or something! We are only just starting to tell other friends and family now that we've had our dating scan, but it's not in any real order and mostly via phone especially as I'm essentially housebound with my HG anyway. I doubt anyone will even remember in the future who we told when etc.

Thank you all for your thoughts. @LisaSimpsonsbff, you make a good point - I'd probably have to be fairly quiet on the phone if ringing from the ILs, and any sounds of excitement would immediately arouse suspicion (DH told MIL that we are trying so she is waiting impatiently for an announcement...). I think telling my mum before Christmas wouldn't be quite as special as Christmas Eve/Christmas Day, so if it were a choice between speaking on 21 Dec before we leave for ILs and 28 Dec in person I'd probably go with 28 Dec. And probably not worth telling her over the phone after I've told ILs as she would be finding out after them anyway so might as well wait a few days and tell her in person.

@hellybelly and Clare unfortunately my DM is technologically challenged so Facetime not an option!

@Clare I don't want to tell our parents before in or around the 12 week mark, I'm not willing to run the risk, especially before any scan.

@thingymaboob My DM doesn't even have a phone on which she can receive photos

@Squ1ggle I know she's my mum but my DMIL is my DH's mum and he doesn't see why mine should get priority! I'm sure he'd be okay with telling my mum first shortly before ILs given that she won't be there in person, but otherwise he would have an issue with it. Certainly if I told her now he would want to tell his DM now.

I didn't get to tell my mum in person the first time around as ds was a surprise and the first I knew about a possible pregnancy I was rushing across London to have emergency scan for suspected ectopic pregnancy. Thankfully everything was fine but I had to tell her what was happening over the phone as she was really worried.

It was sooooo much nicer the second time when I could tell her in person... The look on her face, the hug, how she kept on beaming at me for a whole day... I would wait!

Thanks @Lorelai that's helpful, I think I will wait...