Advice on dealing with colleagues

[SurreyMay]

I'm a Account Manager work for a large blue chip company in Central London. My commute is 2 hours each way and I've got my midwife to write a letter to ask work to let me work some days at home as the commute is exhausting. So I now work Mon/Weds/Fri in London and Tues/Thurs at home.

I am now getting negative comment from my (male) colleagues saying that I'm letting pregnant women down and that unless there is a issue with my pregnancy they don't understand the issue with the commute. I can do my work from home and other people work from home without issue.

I want to stamp out these comments - any advice on how to do this? I don't want to make too much of a fuss but I also don't want to worry about what my colleagues are saying behind my back and potentially damage my professional reputation.

Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy! And also I think you deserve a massive pat on the back for having such a long commute, regardless of whether you are pregnant or not, it sounds strenuous. I think it shows real dedication to your job.

Secondly, how dare your work colleagues say that to you. I would never make those comments in a professional environment. I know you don't want to make a big fuss over this but I don't think these colleagues should get away with being so openly judgemental about this matter, especially since they have never experienced pregnancy themselves. Personally I would complain to HR as those comments are unacceptable. However if you really do not want to raise this, you could always quietly ask for a word with the culprits. Then explain that you find it a complete cross of boundaries for someone to make those comments. You are still capable of doing your job and you would appreciate no future comments be made regarding the matter. I wouldn't even bother trying to explain about pregnancy hormones causing fatigue or how bad stress is for the baby. I would have the conversation end there and then, and remember that the majority or sane people would never judge someone in your situation.

That is just what id do, but of course do what you feel is right for you and try not to let this situation ruin such an exciting time. Good luck.

Tell them that until they carry a child themselves their opinion is not valid.

You are absolutely not letting pregnant women down, you deserve a bloody medal because I know I couldn't cope with that commute on the days you are in the office.

I think I would tell them that I don't appreciate their ignorant comments. And acutally, they come across pretty offensive so they need to filter.

Thank you both for your comments! It means a lot!

One of the guys is quite a influential (bully) character and is on the same level as my manager. I am thinking about speaking with the two main culprits but it's finding the words and the confidence.

HR aren't great in our company - they are there to follow UK employment law but they never support the employees. We do have a Working Women's group at work, I was thinking of reaching out to the leader. Whilst I'm not a working mum yet I wonder if she has advice on how to deal with a negative culture from colleagues over flexible working. I would like the comments documented in some (if only over email) as I would like to return to work full time after maternity leave but work in the local Surrey office and only go up to London once a week. Nurseries do not open early enough to drop a child off and get into London for 9am. I'm hoping work will approve this as it seems a fair request and with it being a large multi national I'm hoping they should support the principal of working mums.

I'm the first pregnant woman in our male dominated department for many years. I find it frustrating as the men that are making the comments are dads themselves but their wives don't work. I don't think they would speak to their wives like that.

Thanks JoJoSM2 :)

The next time someone makes a comment I would ask them what their medical qualifications are and you are following medical advice.

I bet if one of them had a bad back/dodgy knee no one would be questioning them!

If HR are there to uphold employment law they should be very interested in these comments. These men are discriminating against you and should be disciplined for it.

Thanks everyone! I've just emailed the Working Mother's leader asking for some advice/support. Your comments were the push I needed to do this.

I agree with @BringMeSunshinePlease - I'm a HR Advisor, and what they've said to you would be considered harassment under the Equality Act 2010 - you could raise a grievance with HR and they would have to investigate it and take action.

Agree with all previous comments. Carry around a notebook and ostentatiously write down their comments. Ask them to repeat their comment - tell them that you want to be sure that you've recorded it accurately for HR.

I had no idea that this could be considered discriminatory. My line manager is based in the USA and is over next week, I'll mention the comments to him. Whilst I don't want to be perceived as a trouble maker I would like this culture stamped out for other women.

@SurreyMay CAB sums it up pretty well if you want some info about it:
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/what-are-the-different-types-of-discrimination/harassment/

hannknitted - thanks for sending this link! I'm going to keep it on file in case I need it.