Pregnancy and bump bonding

[HAYZ0]

So I was wondering what do other fellow pregger mothers do to bond with there baby? My midwife has concerns because I dont chat or sing to my bump. Should I be worried I dont feel the need to?

Wow, my MW has never asked that! No I don't talk to my bump, but DP and I chat to each other a lot in the evenings etc, so bump must know both our voices quite well by now. Has the MW got any other reasons to think you aren't bonding with your bump? If not then its just plain weird

I sing along to songs i'm playing to it but mainly because i feel like its ability to hear the connection between the tune of the song and the tune of my voice (such as it is) will help its development.

I also repeat "mummy loves baby" while I stroke its little foot which it often pokes up the top of my bump.

Basically I am (futile I know) trying to do things that might help soothe it after it is born to reduce the amount of crazy crying it does. I doubt this will work!

I am not sure it can tell the difference between when you are speaking to it and when you are speaking to others anyway tbh.

This is such an interesting thread. A lot of midwives are now being trained in 'neuroparenting' - a lot of neurobollocks about how babies' brains are receptive to parental 'input' during pregnancy and need to be 'stimulated' even before they are born. The scepticism and serious objections raised on here are really interesting. I hope you won't mind if I extract them for my research. You can read more here. drjanmacvarish.com/
This is not a plug for my book (it's at a stupid academic price! so I don't expect 'normal' people to buy it), hence free content on the blog!

My midwife is very keen for me to talk to my bump and Kris bringing it up (apparently it helps release oxytocin).

I try to say good night to her, and get DH to as well, but that's as far as I go, it's just not my thing.

I do talk to my dog loads (so don't think I will have any issue chatting away to baby when she arrives) and am making a point of talking to the dog more than normal so that baby hears my voice lots...I think that's the best I can manage.

*Keeps

That’s just so weird. She’s concerned? Lol. Sounds like she needs more to do

A lot of midwives are now being trained in 'neuroparenting' - a lot of neurobollocks about how babies' brains are receptive to parental 'input' during pregnancy and need to be 'stimulated' even before they are born

I'm interested, as a midwife and midwifery lecturer, to see where information has come from? It is certainly not part of NMC validated pre-registration programmes and i've not heard of it in practice?

A lot of midwives are now being trained in 'neuroparenting'

Really? By who? The NHS has many flaws, but (unlike the education system) they're certainly scientifically literate and I can't see them falling for this bollocks.

If Sue Gerhardt's 'Why Love Matters' is read by midwives, then there's a lot of this stuff in there. There are neuroparenting advocacy groups who speak to trainee and trained health professionals, maybe not as part of the official curriculum, but they are certainly keen to get the message out that 'bonding' begins in utero. I have spoken to a lot of midwives, health visitors, social workers and early years workers who have been shown the 'shrivelled brains' image (a dramatic picture of two brains, one 'normal', one under-sized and with 'black holes' in it, not scientific evidence) which is used to convey the message that mothers' love builds brains from conception.

Maybe saying midwives are trained in it is not the correct terminology to use in this case then because it's untrue. Reading a book and been shown a picture hardly equate to formal training. When I did a search on the topic, the only thing I could find had your name all over it. Which is interesting.

That's because this is what I have researched and written on and I have used the term 'neuroparenting' to try to describe it in a concise way.

There is a lot more research from the US which is questioning the wisdom of women being encouraged to see themselves as directly 'building their babies' brains'. This places an incredible pressure on mothers, which must be unbearable if things go wrong with the baby. But even if things go well, raising children with a constant view to 'building their brains' is likely to be pretty anxiety-inducing.

It is the case that this kind of thing is now pretty embedded in many places across social policy even if it is still patchy - midwives, health visitors, teachers, social workers, foster carers, nursery workers have all seen the two brain image. Even the police are going on training days where they are taught that they can spot children at-risk of 'brain damage' if they come from the wrong sort of family.

Ok. I think I'll be flogging a dead horse going back and forth with this one. I'm a midwife and I've never heard of it. I'm a lecturer and I've never heard of it. It isn't embedded in midwifery, patchy or otherwise. I teach a research module and they are taught not to prescribe to any old pseudo-science so please don't think midwives are passive sponges who believe any old crap. We don't.