Pregnant after recent loss

[Dorabean]

Just need a little bit of advice. As I've mentioned on some threads, I gave birth to my son in July this year at just 24 weeks gestation. He didn't survive due to multiple organ failure and obviously it's been a very difficult time. I'm a teacher and work have been absolutely fantastic, I'm not yet back and they're very supportive! I was wanting to get back into school before Christmas, I've been away for a while now and whilst I'm feeling better in myself, I'm scared because there are so many people to face! I am ready to get back to some routine though!

I've just found out I'm pregnant again (very early, 5+3) and am very scared (but very happy). However, I feel looked after my the NHS already. The doctor has referred me for an early scan, the midwife has rung today and is seeing me next week and the week after.

I'm a little nervous as I don't want anyone to know about my pregnancy just yet but I feel bad about work. I will be going back but come January but the 2nd week in Jan would be my dating scan and then a couple of weeks later I will have the cervical stitch put in which may require me to have a couple of days off.

I feel that they've been so amazing with me that they'll be fine but I'm anxious about going back and asking for more time off! Just looking for some reassuring words from people , or any experience!

Hi so sorry about the loss of your little boy.
I am also a teacher and lost my little girl completely unexpectedly during labour at 41 weeks in February. I started back to work after the summer holidays but found out I was expecting again a couple of days before I started back. I had to have some time off for bleeding in my first trimester (to visit epu for scan) and I've been to my dating scan/Midwife appointments and a consultant scan during work time so far (19 weeks now). I haven't really told many people just my principal, my classroom assistant and the school secretary as she has to put through the appointments as pregnancy related. I'm getting pretty big now though and there is only so much a baggy jumper can hide. I think maybe after my anomaly scan next week I might start being a little more open about things. Everyone has been very supportive and understanding. I'm understandably ridiculously anxious and I'm sure you are too but work have been very good about everything and my principal has basically told me take all the time I need.
Please don't feel bad about being pregnant when you go back to work I'm sure everyone will be supportive and happy for you. Either way pregnancy appointments and absence are protected so there isn't much they can do if they aren't but I'm sure this won't be an issue.
Congratulations on your new pregnancy and I hope everything goes smoothly for you. If your anything like me it's going to be a very long and scary few months ahead but hopefully it will all be worth it in the end! Xx

Also just wanted to say how nervous and scared I was about going back to school after losing my little girl but it really wasn't as bad as I had thought, everyone has been really lovely and it's good to have a bit of routine back in my life. It's been hard because sometimes I feel guilty for feeling normal when at work but I think that's pretty normal from what other mums who have lost a baby have told me. Good luck going back to work - it's a big step but you're school sound really supportive and like they will make things as easy as possible for you. Xx

Thank you SO much, you have reassured me with your posts! I am heartbroken for you and your loss too, it's awful being able to relate to a loss. School have been amazing, and my head of department is also a friend! Not everyone knew I was pregnant, I suppose I'm worried about any questions someone might ask and I have to deal with them which I think I can do, I just don't want to have to. I'm sure school will be fine, I suppose I should just tell them when I have my back to work meeting and go from there!

It's such an anxious time isn't it. I'm scared about facing work again even though I want to, I'm scared about my pregnancy, I'm just scared! Being a teacher isn't the easiest job to go back to either! Did you have a phased return?

I know it's really awful to talk to someone else who knows the pain of a loss.

I was worried about questions too but honestly most people just said they were sorry for my loss and glad to see me back. I think people are very cautious of saying anything that might upset you so won't ask any difficult questions. In some ways it makes it easier but other ways it's quite hard that no one wants to ask/talk about your baby for fear of upsetting you.
Haha that's an understatement - teaching is definitely a hard job to go back to but I find when I'm at work I'm so totally busy with the children and paperwork etc you can't think about much else which is good in a way especially now I'm pregnant again, I know if I was at home all I'd be driving myself even more mad with anxiety.
I didn't have a phased return because I just started back with a new class after the summer holidays, I could have had one though and think I might have if I was starting back mid year but it just seemed easier to go back full time with a new class. I was worried about parents and children too but again I think the worry was worse than the reality - some children asked about my baby and I had a planned response for them that she was very sick and she's in heaven now - kids are great and just take things at face value. I'm still quite worried about the reaction of some staff and parents when they realise I'm pregnant but hoping it's another case of over thinking things.
Have you booked in with your Midwife yet? It sounds like you have a good plan in place for this pregnancy if you know when you will have your stitch etc. I've found medical professionals really helpful this time around but I've also been quite clear with them about what kind of care i would like this time around and so far they've been really accommodating (even if I've seemed like a crazy paranoid crying pregnant lady at my appointments lol). X

Haha I think you're totally justified to cry at those appointments! I just want to make sure that I feel reassured and can air any of my anxieties. I spoke to my midwife today for the first time, she's going to see me next week just to meet me and then do my booking appt the week after. I have also been referred for an early scan to put my mind at ease.

That's what I'm most worried about, people's reactions. I have a planned response too, that he was born too soon and isn't with us anymore. It's just so awful that we have to have that isn't it!

Did staff know what happened before you went back? I don't know how many people know about me at work and I don't know how many people knew about my pregnancy really as I wasn't showing much, so it probably doesn't need to be announced whole school. But then how do people know and not ask me about my baby? I hate these anxieties!! Going back in for the first time is going to be hard, I'm scared and it's silly!