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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Termination or not?

48 replies

ImNewHerePeople · 22/11/2017 07:21

First time poster here, so be easy on me :-)

Me and the GF have just recently found out we're pregnant, which is something we have spoke about before and both want, and should be a happy time in our lives, but the timing is so so bad I need some advice.

We still have situations with our ex's, paying half of mortgages and bills etc, we don't yet live together, and have kids from above said ex's (not that that matters but trying to give you the whole picture as best as can be). Our kids also don't know about us yet either, they think we are just good friends, as we have been trying to take it slowly in regards to causing as much damage as possible with them having new people in their lives etc.

We both want to keep the baby but it seems our situation dictates otherwise.

I don't know if I'm actually asking for advice, or letting off some steam as we have nobody to talk to about this, but thanks for reading.

OP posts:

2sly4you · 22/11/2017 11:04

Yeah, I don't think anyone would go through with a termination just to avoid awkwardness. It's messy timing for sure but you'll get through it. Good luck!

Original poster

ImNewHerePeople · 22/11/2017 11:09

Genuinely appreciate all these replies.

OP posts:

BigBaboonBum · 22/11/2017 11:29

“It’s not just the woman’s decision” - yes, yes it is. Ideally they discuss it together and make a rational choice, but it’s ultimately her decision.
Whenever there’s a post about “OH wants me to abort...” everybody agrees the man has frick all say, but the moment a man shows up you’re all like mmhmm yep absolutely your choice too.

No, absolutely not.

I hope you can have a good conversation about everything you laid out here - but you cannot answer for her

Original poster

ImNewHerePeople · 22/11/2017 11:32

I hope you can have a good conversation about everything you laid out here - but you cannot answer for her

I never suggested I would, and neither would I answer for her. I support whatever decision is made 100%.

OP posts:

BigBaboonBum · 22/11/2017 11:41

I’m glad you feel that way, and I think it sounds like you aren’t in a bad situation- not the best but far from the worst. It’s perfectly doable if that’s what she wants

wasMissD · 22/11/2017 12:04

Are you implying men don’t have the rights to a say in this? It’s 50/50, surely?

shutitandtidyupgitface · 22/11/2017 12:05

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shutitandtidyupgitface · 22/11/2017 12:06

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thelittlethingz · 22/11/2017 12:08

@ImNewHerePeople congratulations on the pregnancy! If you both want the baby, go for it. Everything will figure itself out! I fell pregnant and me and my partner had spoken about wanting a baby but in reality we are really not in the right situation!!! However it happened!!! It’s not ideal but we both want it and are figuring it out along the way. Good luck xxx

shutitandtidyupgitface · 22/11/2017 12:10

Why would you congratulate someone on a pregnancy when they have explicitly said it might be terminated?

BigBaboonBum · 22/11/2017 12:17

@wasMissD no it’s not 50/50. It’s 50/50 to make the baby, then it’s inside her body and her decision.
He has input on whether or not to put his sperm inside her, after that it’s her territory and her choice, her decision. He has absolutely no say what she does once that baby is growing inside her womb. In an ideal world they can work it out together with his full support whatever her choice, but it’s still ultimately her decision

thelittlethingz · 22/11/2017 13:34

@shutitandtidyupgitface why would you not when they have said it’s something they both want LOL

thelittlethingz · 22/11/2017 13:37

@shutitandtidyupgitface oh wait... I see, your one of those people who likes to try and cause arguments on here..

expatinscotland · 22/11/2017 13:42

What Big said.

shutitandtidyupgitface · 22/11/2017 14:27

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Original poster

ImNewHerePeople · 22/11/2017 14:52

Thanks for everyones input, even if this did go off track

OP posts:

Dorabean · 22/11/2017 14:57

Sounds like you're both very stable and obviously able to parent. My friend and her boyfriend found themselves pregnant at a time that wasn't suitable for them and they terminated the pregnancy. For them, this seemed to be the only option but it tore them apart. Please make sure that whatever decision you make, it's the right one for you and you'll support each other through it.

CityOfStars · 22/11/2017 15:03

Someone please tell me how it's 50/50 when it's the WOMAN who carries the child, the WOMAN who gives birth to the child, and most likely, the WOMAN who will be putting her life on hold to raise the child.

It's her body and therefore 100% her decision.

None of that was a pop at you, OP!

CityOfStars · 22/11/2017 15:05

Also, for anyone saying a termination can or will tear you apart, NOTHING will tear a relationship apart faster than having a child to appease someone else. The pain that you may feel after a termination is temporary, a child is not.

thelittlethingz · 22/11/2017 15:10

@shutitandtidyupgitface it must be half term with people like you on here not reading post properly. Poor little thing. So hilarious you must have a really sad life to come on Here and argue with people to find some happiness.

T200 · 22/11/2017 15:12

Hi I'm 17, will be 18 in January. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 2 years now we live toghether at his mums house and 2 weeks ago I found out I am 8 weeks pregnant today! I was so scared but now I can't help but feel lost I don't know what decision to make I don't know weather having a baby or abortion is going to be the right option for me! My boyfriend is supportive and has said he will support me whatever decision I make we both work at the moment. However he has said he feels his not ready for a baby. I don't know what I feel or want I don't know how to make this choice i never have had to make such a big decision in my life like this. My boyfriend will be 20 by the time our baby will be here. However his parents are very old fashioned and always said they don't want to be grandparents until me and him are over 30 but I don't agree with being that old and having kids aswell as I am scared encase what decision I make with be the wrong one I don't know want to regret the decision I make. :'( I won't have a lot of support I don't think my sister will be supportive as she had my nephew at 16 and my mum said she will support her but my mum has a drinking issue so she hasn't really helped her out like she said she will. I don't know what to do and I need help deciding what to do.

CityOfStars · 22/11/2017 15:22

T20 I am completely pro-choice, but I absolutely wouldn't have a child in your circumstances. The fact that you're not sure says to me you're not ready. And I don't want to be condescending but you're still SO young. I had an abortion when I was 19 and as horrid as the few months after it were, my God I'm so glad I did.

It's a big decision for sure but try to be pragmatic if you can.

thelittlethingz · 22/11/2017 15:24

@T200 I’m sorry to hear your in such a difficult situation. I don’t have any advice to give as I’ve never been in that situation, but I am thinking of you!
Maybe go to the doctors and see if they can refer you to speak to someone? Ultimately it’s your choice, it’s your body and it’s your life, so you need to decide what is best for you.
When I was younger my friend had a termination, we sat down and spoke about all the things she wanted to do with her life, and if a baby would effect that. Ultimately she made her decision and even to this day said she never regretted it because that was right for her at time. I also had friend who went ahead and had children in difficult situations, they have told me they made the right choice because they wouldn’t have the life they had today. I hope you figure what is right for you, take care of yourself xxxxxx

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