How to stop worrying?

[Panoramarama]

Hi all,

I'm new here. Just found out that we are expecting out first baby! I'm about 4 weeks gone and I just can't stop worrying that something might go wrong. I want to relax and enjoy the amazing news but I am literally keeping myself up at night with the anxiety that I could miscarry/just have a chemical pregnancy, that there could be no heartbeat at the first scan, that flying abroad to see family at Christmas might do some damage.

Did anyone else experience this? If so, how did you manage to relax and let go? I've slept about 3 hours a night for the last few nights. Just want this so badly!

The first trimester is worrying I agree, I just stayed positive throughout but I did worry about things going wrong too so I know how your feeling. Just try and not worry easier said than done I know.

Worrying is par for the course now you're a parent I'm afraid! You'll worry about your child for the rest of your life. Try to relax and realise that worrying doesn't help anything (in fact stress hormones are bad for baby). My midwife recommended calming the mind by doing guided meditations using a free app called Insight Timer.

Ooh thanks User, I'll look it up.

I was like this until about 14 weeks. Now I have a beautiful 7 month old. Just take 1 day at a time

I am expecting a baby in 5 months from now. I was worried a lot in the first trimester. The nausea feeling made me worry more. But now after seeing (feeling) my baby growing in my tummy, I feel great about it. I am sure you will too. Just ignore the negative thoughts. Stay near your loved ones.

Hi OP!! Not sure how to help you with the worry as I’m an absolute bag of nerves myself but just wanted to let you know I’m just the same and that you aren’t alone in how you are feeling xxx

I feel the same! It's horrible. My first scan is not until 11th January and we'd like to tell family at Christmas so I've booked a scan for 22nd December when I'll be 9 weeks. I'm now worrying that it'll be bad news. I'll try the meditation app, I need some help :)

First you'll worry you will miscarry
Then you will worry about scans
Then you will worrry about birth
Then you will worry about feeding
Then you will worry about development
Then you will worry about school
Then you will worry about exams

And so on. You'll always worry. You just learn to cope with it!! Try and laugh at yourself a little bit; we all do it.

Just to echo what the others say really, you'll never be truly relaxed ever again. Enjoy this time when your baby is safely tucked inside. Soon enough they won't be and it's like your heart is wandering around vulnerable and outside of your body. It's worth it though :)

Thanks all, it's so good to hear your experiences. Tried the meditation app last night - for sleep rather than worry, specifically. It was actually quite a good distraction (even if you're synical like me!)

Woke up 2hrs later though and found that watching First Dates on the sofa under a blanket was also quite effective . Mindless rather than mindful!!

Has anyone tried that Headspace app? Or anything similar? Just would like any suggestions, books apps anything really x

Hello,

I feel exactly the same - just found out I was pregnant last week and am only 4+3, but already beside myself with worry - struggling to focus at work and not sleeping great at night.

It's really out of character for me as I'm not normally a worrier at all - I'm super laid back and am always the one who says "I'm sure everything will be fine!" This is really the first thing in my life that has for some reason brought me anxiety. My husband is struggling to understand why I'm so worried - which is fair enough because it doesn't make much sense!

I'm pretty much the same as you @MrsKrantz - won't be due my first scan until sometime in January (no date booked yet - got my first Midwife appt on 12th Dec so I guess my scan will be booked after that) but have booked a private early scan for 21st Dec when I'll be 8+3 because I think we will have to tell some of our family over Christmas as they'll guess, and I want the reassurance before we start telling people.

@hannknitted - I know exactly how you feel. I also booked a private scan yesterday. We are going abroad for Christmas so the latest I can do it is when I'll be 7+5 - I really, really hope it is late enough to see a heartbeat. I feel like telling people before that is a risk. Even just booking the scan made me feel more relaxed. Will be worth every penny, you're doing the right thing!

Oh - one thing that did help was to stop testing every day. Initially the anxiety made me want to pee on any stick I could get my hands on, but then I found I was reading into the strength of the line and just worrying more.

If this applies to you, the advice from a midwife I spoke to is this - a positive is a positive and if you've not had any pain or bleeding, there's no reason to think anything is wrong.

Easier said than done though, I know!!

Thanks @Panoramarama - it helps to know it's not just me and there are others who feel anxious too. I never considered that I'd feel this way when I imagined finding out I was pregnant so I wasn't really ready for it!

Loads of people seem to get a private early scan to put their mind at rest though, so hopefully that will give us both some reassurance so we can relax a bit and enjoy Christmas - fingers crossed you will be able to see a heartbeat at 7+5

Thanks for sharing the advice you had from the midwife too - that actually is quite reassuring to hear, and of course is absolutely right and completely logical! I've had no bleeding and nothing other than cramps which I hear are normal so I have no reason to think anything might be wrong. Must try to stay positive!

It's hard going, but realistically, you now have something to worry about every day for the rest of your life!
Pregnancy wise though, it's much easier once you can feel movement etc, although it's kinda something else to worry about then, recognising patterns etc...