Worried About Interfering In-Laws

[HanMumFK1489]

Hey all,

This may sound like something silly to worry about, but I'm slightly concerned as I don't particularly get on with my partner's family (there's no rift, we're just not really close). They're first grandchild / niece is on the way so of course they're all really excited, but they can be very over-opinionated into how we should live our lives and I've no doubt they'll be the same with how we bring up the baby.

They're quite 'go with the flow' type people, where as I'm a firm believer of organisation and a good routine.

I'm worried with sleep deprivation etc I'll end up snapping at them and cause problems.

Has anyone been through this ?

Any advice appreciated.

You’re getting worked up over a completely imaginary situation in your head.

You’re not even close so presumably won’t see them very often so there will be little scope for them interfering. And try not to get worked up over the smallest suggestion - perhaps it’s a good one and they want to help?

@JoJoSM2 - yes take your point and I wouldn't dream of stopping them, but it's not really imaginary. They've already been quite opinionated with how we live our lives and they're approach isn't very polite. Probably sounds like nothing, but I'm worried for them that I won't be able to keep my cool if they're rude to us about how we bring up our child.

What's your DH's take on it?

You might need to start practising the stuck record technique with a few non-confrontational phrases said in a polite but firm voice "That doesn't work for us". "We prefer to do it this way". "We won't be doing that."

Just keep repeating. If they try to argue back or ask why/why not use on the other phrases and just keep repeating. It's amazing how quickly people get fed up of the brick wall response.

Honestly, just focus on the exciting parts of your pregnancy and cross this bridge if/when you come to it. I have my fair share of issues with in laws, so I do get where you’re coming from, but the baby isn’t even here yet, so it’s a total non-issue for now.

Just make sure you and oh are in agreement with how you do things when it comes down to it and make sure you back each other up if/when they pipe up.

You don’t even know what kind of parent you’ll be till your baby arrives. I’m a creature of habit normally but I surprised myself by being more of a free spirit when it came to my baby.

Yes. I just snap at my in laws. Everyone is still more or less talking to everyone else most of the time...

Just nod and smile! Just because they are going to tell you their opinion doesn't mean you have to take their advice. Just listen, then ignore it and do it your way!!

I can completely sympathise. I'm only 18 weeks and my in-laws have already told me a list of names they don't like.They have an opinion on everything we do and treat my husband like a child even though we're in our 30s. My husband doesn't seem to notice which then annoys me even more.

My in-laws had 4 children under 4 years old. They like to continually remind me of this and tell me how well they managed and how my MIL was like Wonder Woman. I already feel inferior and not even had my baby yet!!

I've already decided that no matter what they say, I will (try) to take it with a pinch of salt. Just because they like to express an opinion doesn't mean I have to put it in to practise. I can nod and agree but then continue to do what I want to do.
You will do what you feel is best for your baby and although they might get on your nerves, try to remember that in their mind they think they're helping.

I'm not close to my in laws at all and had dd 4 months ago. She is the first grandchild in the family so everyone was very excited.

I had an awful traumatic birth and me and dd were both very unwell in hospital afterwards. Even though the in laws knew I was really unwell they came to visit every day expecting me to get up to let me then hold dd and basically making me even more exhausted than I already was. In the end one of the midwives told them how ill I was and to leave it for a couple of days. They still didn't ask how I was feeling though.

They did the same thing after we got home. Completely bombarded us and overwhelmed me. My partners grandmother has said terrible things to me. They act like I had no part in creating or bringing dd into the world. They offered me no help when dp went away for work for a month.

I've never said a word or snapped as my dp would be really angry with me if I did. I usually take the opportunity and have a bath when they come round or do takes dd to visit them and I stay at home. That way I avoid them completely