Would you tell?

[EastDulwichWife]

I've had bleeding throughout my pregnancy so have had a number of scans so far, and all is fine. Most recently, at exactly 11 weeks, I was back at the hospital for a check up. The scan showed a very healthy heartbeat and I was sent home.

I'm now 11+3 and have my 12 week scan in 4 days time. In 2 days time I have a friend's big birthday that I refuse to duck out of, with loads of mutual friends. So far DH and I have only told very close friends and parents.

How comfortable would you feel 'going public' on the basis of a healthy scan at 11 weeks?

*Obviously I don't propose an announcement at this party, but rather quietly telling 3-4 people who will find the lack of drinking, frankly, alarming.

Help!

Can you not say you're driving?

Sadly not. It's in London and we'll be going to a few different pubs before ending up at an event at the end of night. To be honest I'm shattered even thinking about it...

If you want to tell, tell.

Presumably these are people you’d also be comfortable telling if things didn’t go to plan?

I told people as soon as I got the positive (sort if had to, had my head in a bowl since then). I figure if something goes wrong, it’s be easier explaining to people if they’re already aware I’m pregnant.

One friend had an ectopic and another a miscarriage, and both kept them secret causing huge speculation. Once it was out in the open, people were a lot more sensitive. I decided I’d rather be open about it, rather than it being something no-one could talk about.

There’s way too much stigma about miscarriage or problems. I had no idea how common they were. I’d like to think if people were open about it, it might help more women.

Order a tonic with lime, ice etc. Nobody would realise it's sans alcohol.

To be honest though there are loads of grown up soft drinks you could have that nobody would clock. Plus I think as the pregnant person you tend to overthink these things way too much.

I'd be very reassured with a strong heartbeat at 11+ weeks. Hope your dating scan goes well

Would they be friends you'd feel comfortable talking to if anything happened? I had a mc before this pregnancy and also had two early scans (one a private scan, one in EPU for bleeding, I always bleed lots in every pregnancy but we just wanted to be sure). We definitely told a few people before the 12 week scan. But it was very controlled (I knew they wouldn't tell anyone else) and they were people that we would have felt able to talk to if we had another mc. Could you maybe tell them before, so it's not like you are announcing it at the event? That way it's kept a bit more hush hush on the day.

If you want to tell, then do.

Personally, I’d probably keep it quiet until you’ve got through to the second trimester. At the pub crawl, I’d just say I had an early start/was on antibiotics or was pacing myself- alternating fake drinks with glasses of water for example. Or doing a pre-Christmas detox.

I faked a whole hen weekend just pretending to drink. Ordered myself mocktails (virgin mojito is great) looks exactly like the real thing. Then if there's wine etc mist bring it to your lips then leave it at bar, pour down toilet. It's a lot easier than you'd expect.

Thanks everyone. I've been doing a few of these tricks over the past week (swapping glasses with someone who's drinking, tonic and lime etc) and can definitely do a bit of that. Two of the women going already know so I can get them to help out by going to the bar etc. I'll see about the other 3 and maybe make a decision on the night.

Cannot wait for the 12 week scan!

Personally, my position on this has always been that you should tell people who you would want to support you if the worst happened.

If these friends fall into this group, then it might be sensible to tell them so they are informed should the worst happen and they can run interference for you if you don't want others to know.

I find the idea of not telling anyone strange as it would make me feel that if I had a MC it would be something to keep to myself and not to share with people who could support me.

Only my personal view though OP, do what is best for you of course. We are all different x

I'm inclined to agree Ausparent. It's only 3 people at this event and if the worst should happen on Monday I would be okay telling them.

Really I suppose, I was wondering how likely it is that the 12 week reveals something awful that was not picked up at the 11 week scan.

EastDulwich, did they do nuchal translucency and the such at your 11 week scan? Was it a very thorough scan + the blood tests? Or just a reassurance scan to say the fetus is still there and alive?

It was a quick one just to make sure the baby was alive. They did bloods (I haven't heard back so assuming there's nothing too awful) and checked that the baby was wriggling around and that the heart was beating. I could hear the heartbeat (amazing!), but didn't get to see anything on the screen due to my position. My 8 week bloods came back yesterday and they are/were all okay.

DH and I went to a beer festival when I was 5 weeks with 8 of our friends, we were there 12 hours and nobody noticed i wasn't drinking. I bought the odd half pint throughout the day, had a sniff and the odd sip then passed it to DH in exchange for his empty glass. "Actually I'm quite thirsty, could you get me a coke please" is a good response when you're offered.

I was happy with the 10 week scan I had with the harmony testing, so told people after that, if you look at the statistics, there's not a huge difference between 10 and 12 weeks