Pregnant with 6th..mother has said I should abort ! :-|

[icantgetnosleep5]

I guess this is a bit of a rant and an appeal for opinions / support..
I'm in my early 30's , have been with my OH for 15 years, we have five healthy, happy children.

Our youngest is only a year old and this pregnancy wasn't planned .. But we have a large house and we have 100k + income (and I'm a stay at home mum& their dad works from home).
We rely on no one for child care help or money to support the children, but my mum is Cross with me.
She says I should have a termination and put the children I already have before the one who is 'a bunch of cells'.

My children often ask when we are having another baby and our home is a noisy, happy one. I can understand that I'm old enough to 'know better' about getting pregnant , but in my defence I haven't even had a period since my 1 year old was born and I'm still breastfeeding through the night and we had been careful.

Sorry for the long thread, I literally found about the pregnancy this morning and my OH is on a rare works trip away so want to wait til he gets back and tell him properly.
But now I just feel sick to my stomach, we weren't planning anymore, but I can't imagine having a termination when we all love each other so much, even though the thought of putting my body and mind through another pregnancy right now makes me feel sad when my youngest is still young etc
Blleeeuuurghhh thanks so much for taking the time to read x

Congratulations! I have 6 DC - all grown up now. None of them ever had to grow up fast, every one pretty much pitched in like most families do.

When folk would ask how many children I always said ‘only 6’. Often that’s say ‘brave’ if follow with ‘that’s one word for it’ end of discussion.

Your mum is bang out of order.

I wouldn’t bring it up unless she chooses to harp on again (which would be totally out of order).

In her defence, abortion of an unwanted pregnancy at an early stage, especially where the birth of another child might mean the other children would miss out, is not a crazy or evil suggestion. And if I had a close female friend in your situation then I might mention gently that it would be ok to prioritise your actual children over the continuation of this pregnancy, if that’s what you wanted to do. But clearly once you’ve indicated that you definitely don’t want to do this and that you think your existing children will be fine then the time has come to shut up.

Congratulations! Your mum is being horrid.

I can't imagine there's a big difference between having 5 and having 6 tbh. If you're fit and healthy and can afford it then why not

Congratulations!!! Ignore your mum it’s your family not hers !! Love and enjoy as many children as you like 💜

BUT - how the hell do you cope!!!!

Thx all,
Dubai- I am definitely stealing that 'only six' ! :-D

EvilRingu, thx for the balanced response , I don't hold the suggestion necessarily against her, I just could have done without feeling like I was committing a crime and being detrimental to my other children AHHH!

NerNer, Ausparent, thanks, i didn't find going from 4-5 difficult, so I'm hoping the 6th will just slide right in too!

Have yet to tell my OH, he's not back til the weekend, it dsnt quite feel real whilst he isn't in the loop
Keep remembering and feeling like my stomach is about to drop out of my ass!!

Haha flumpybear! Sometimes it does feel like making it through til bed time!
Thank you - the funny thing is my mum had four , and all through our childhood we were told the story of how she cried for days after my dad insisted on having the snip, because she wanted more !!
We are in a better financial situation than they were and my OH is always around and more of a get on the floor and play kind of dad, so I don't know y she begrudges me something that she herself wanted ?!

Congrats! 1 more won't make any difference, so if you're happy, embrace it and tell your mum to keep her opinions to herself.

Congratulations!
I have 2. My mum's comment when I told her about the second one was "well if that's what you want but I don't know why you'd want 2" No congratulations at all - and she was planned. I know how it hurts.
The really great thing about being a grown up though is you get to decide what you do. The moment I realised I really didn't need my parents approval for everything I felt like a weight had lifted.

Congratulations!

Your mother is entitled to her opinion, but not to express it.
If she did not want 6 children then I hope she did not have 6 children.
You sound happy about your unexpected news and many an unplanned pregnancy has turned in to a much loved child.
Your mum needs to apologise and butt out.

Oh mothers!!

OP however much we adore our mums they'll always see us as 15 years old with a sulky expression when they're 'telling us off'.

I would tell her you think she's bang out of line but you love her and need her to just shhhh now.

Good luck!!!

Congratulations!
Sorry your mum couldn't be supportive. It sounds like you already know what you want and your DH will be happy too.

If it makes any difference I'm the youngest of 6, although there was a bigger age gap between me and my youngest sibling, but it's brilliant.

You have the space, the money, are already used to a big family. Honesrly, why does your mother get a say in this? Don't even think about what she wants, just decide what you want. If you'd like to keep it then fine, in your situation going from 5 to 6 probably won't make you much busier than you already are and you can provide for them. If you don't want to keep it -for whatever reason- then that's perfectly fine too.

You might want to have a look at your anti conception method in the future, this one didn't work for you so you might want to try something else.

Mothers! They can be so insensitive. We have 6 & it is fab. Similar situation to you. Decent income (we both work), very hands on husband & we ask for zero help from parents. My mum reacted like yours when I told her I was pregnant with no.2!! Not the termination bit, but she was so negative. It was so hurtful as all 6 of my babies were planned & much wanted. Anyway, long story short, I told her how I felt & how hurt I was. She never reacted that way again. She was shocked at no.3 but managed to keep it buttoned. No.4 it was 'Well you may as well...' & 5&6 had a much more positive reaction all round. I think that she realised that we cope well, we can afford it, we provide for them, they're fab kids & we love them more than anything in the world. Her initial negative reaction came from a concern that we wouldn't cope. Still hurtful though. I hope you tell your mum how you feel. And I hope she winds her neck in. Congrats OP. 6 is ace (and no real difference!!) And the siblings will ADORE the new little one. X

I’m starting to wonder if these ‘insensitive’ mums have always been around, or if it’s getting worse since the baby boomers became the grandmas? I suppose it could be both (and I’m making assumptions about your dm’s age, I guess).

So many of them on mn recently- saying the most horrible overstepping, boundary-trashing stuff. Where did their filters between brain and tongue go? It’s fair enough perhaps to think these things, but the speed and lack of consideration in coming out with them is gobsmacking! How do they justify it afterwards? Why do they get so instantly prickly and defensive when it’s pointed out to them? Why is ‘no contact’ and ‘low contact’ becoming so often the only way to deal with them?

I’d be horrified to find out that I’d been so hurtful with a passing comment to a loved one, and I’d do everything possible to apologise and make up for it. I’d probably be horrified the moment I heard myself say it, and start back-tracking like mad! I know all my girlfriends would react that way too (we are gen x, by the way).

I’m going through similar with my dm at the moment. I honestly can’t remember these problems with either of my grannies, or many great aunts.

Congrats, by the way. I’m sure you’ll be a terrific granny yourself one day- a busy one too, no doubt!

Congratulations Totally envious I would have had 6 babies if doc hadn't told me to stop after 3. Your mum will come round to the idea - maybe she is worried about your health?

It has nothing to do with your mum. You do exactly what you want!

I think it's amazing what you're doing and if you want this child you have it! Your mum will come round eventually and if not it's her loss.

Congratulations x

@skittlesandbeer

You make a ruddy excellent point; I’ve thought this myself of late about my DAunt who’s said some pretty choice stuff of late regarding the arrival of my DS - baby #2!

My grandmother - nearly 50 years ago!

My mother was the youngest of 6, 3 boys and 3 girls. She had the benefit of a brother just one years older, they were very close, her two sisters used to help her with her homework and make clothes for her and later she helped out with their children. She always says she had the happiest childhood anyone could and I've always thought a nice big family with 6 children was a lovely set up. This has also left me with oodles of cousins, which makes for a great family party when we have anything to celebrate. Please don't take any notice of your mother OP, any decisions are yours alone.

Congratulations! Please don't listen to your mother, you sound like you are quite happy and work well with 5, I don't see the difference adding another will make, apart from bringing you all lots of happiness.

I have an 18 month gap and although I only have the 2 and know no different I don't feel like our little boy is missing out.

My mil was rather nasty when we told her we were having our first (in our 30s but were unmarried at the time) so I know how it feels to have it go down like a lead balloon. Please don't let your mum put a dampener on your happy news, I let my mil and regret letting her make me feel that way.

Congratulations! Sounds like you guys are well able for this addition to the family.

Maybe he/she can take your mothers place at the table.

Unforgivable comments from her.

Just to put another spin on it..

I have two. I would love a third but I do know that putting my body through another pregnancy would be a really silly (and possibly dangerous) thing to do.

My mum often makes comments like please don't be stupid, please just treasure the kids you have etc etc

Now I'm older I realise that it's because she's terrified of me being pregnant and me dying. I think we do forget that pregnancy, even a normal one, is actually a high risk thing to do!

Could your Mum be worried about this? you're a mum of 5. If you died, what would happen to those 5 children? She'd lose her daughter and her grandkids would lose their mum. She may well think, you've got 5 isn't that enough, we've survived 5!

As a Mum now myself I'll be honest, I think i will be terrified as and when my daughter is pregnant and won't 'relax' until the baby is here alive and she is still alive! Sorry to be blunt, but I do think it could be something to do with this?

Your body, your choice.

I think six kids is mad, frankly, but neither I nor your mum are the ones that are pregnant, here. It always, always has to be your choice. Not even your DH's choice - yours.