Reassurance about a 6.5 year age gap - does it work?

[AKP79]

Hi - I've just found out I'm pregnant, which should feel wonderful after two consecutive missed miscarriages, but I'm yet to feel elated. I just feel engulfed with a myriad of worries and concerns.
At the top of the list is my DS. I'm worried about him and how he'll feel. I think I'm worried about this mostly because I am separated from his dad who lives 2.5 hours away. It's a terrible relationship and I know his father will manipulate the situation to his advantage (you must feel left out with a new baby etc). My DS goes there on alternate weekends and for half the holidays.

I'm also hugely worried about the big age gap too and the children bonding. My son will be 6 in Feb and the baby is due in July.

Anyone in a similar situation or with a similar age gap?

My son will be 5.5, a year less but it feels big. I’m feeling quite positive about it actually as I can spend 1:1 time with baby while he’s at school. Less positive about the holidays but I figure for a while baby will sling / push chair for what ever we do together. I also feel my son needed a lot of attention as a younger boy - he would have been very jealous of a younger sibling. However I feel he’s got more understanding now. He’s keen to have a baby, not told him yet.

My eldest is 6.5 years older than his smallest brother, they get on like a house on fire, my youngest hero worships his brother and the bond they have is lovely.

Thank you both and Phillipa12 you've just made me cry. My DS is absolutely desperate for a sibling (very early days so he doesn't know yet), but when I got a positive I just felt this overwhelming worry about the impact on him. He's been through so much and he's my world at the moment.

*cry in a good way that is.

I have a 6 year gap between dc1 and 3 and almost 6 years between dc2 and 4. They have bonded really well. Having the bigger gap means they can properly help out and really enjoy their baby sibling. They also understand that sometimes they have to wait where a smaller child wouldn't.

That's the gap I have and it's working well. Ds1 is ace with ds2 and ds2 thinks ds1is the best thing on earth. He's almost like another attachment figure for ds2.

I have a slightly bigger age gap of 7 and 11 yrs and although not without challenges at times, it has been so lovely to see their younger sibling bring out a nurturing and caring side that we probably wouldn't have seen otherwise. They adore her and she worships them. It has also kept them a bit more "child like" in that they can play silly games with her and not feel embarrassed. They often say that they just can't imagine life without her now and they are so glad we had her.

Best of luck with your pregnancy and I'm so sorry to hear about your son's father's behaviour. I don't get why people are like that.

6.9 year age gap here and brothers totally adore each other. DS1 is always full of amusement at things DS2 has done, and DS2 thinks DS1 is great. They are nearly 3 and 9 now. They play together a lot - DS2 just muscles in.

My first will be 6.5 when my baby boy is due and she's so excited. I think it's a nice age gap as they will understands a little more and can be great little helpers 😊

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to reply and share your experiences. You've really helped to lift the worry and gloom I was feeling. My son is with a childminder after school 3 days a week and she has lots of 18 month olds - he's incredible with them and loves caring for them. I need to focus on that.

I actually would really like a big age gap between my last child and their siblings, but due to ages I doubt I will be able to.

I have an 8 year age gap with my brother, and from the day he was born people could not believe how close we were, and how much we adored each other.
My parents loved it as I was like a mini helper for them with the baby, and it was always an ongoing joke that he had 2 Mums. Ha.

I'm now 31 and my brother is 23, and we couldn't be any closer. That bond between us has just got stronger as we have got older.

I think that the 6 year age gap will be brilliant for them both :)

I’m the oldest of 3 and my siblings are 4.5 and 9 years younger. I’d say the 4.5 year gap has never been a problem and we’re very close. However, the 9 year gap is massive and we get on but have never been that close. I think 6.5 sounds quite a lot - it won’t cause problems and they’ll love each other but growing up the children will be at different stages - when the older one goes to uni, the younger will still only be 12. So it won’t be the same sort of relationship that siblings closer in age might have.

7 year age gap between dc's and they adore each other and have a really close bond. I worried about this too but needn't have, they don't compete over things in the same way that they might have done if they were born close in age. It works really well for our family x

I think a lot depends on personalities. DC1 is 7.5 older than DC3 and they got on until about a year ago but are both forceful personalities and at 12.5 and 5 they clash fairly often. DC2 is 4.5 older than DC3 but is very pliable so gets on better with his younger brother than DC1.

Congratulations!!

What a twat your ex sounds. No wonder he’s an ex. Just focus on cancelling out all his “you must feel left out” rubbish with a whole heap of “what an amazing brother you are- look how much the baby loves you” stuff. You have the advantage of more time to instil your positive vibes than he has to spout his negative crap. So try not to worry about that (easier said than done, I’m sure!)

I had a friend at uni whose little sister had just started high school and they absolutely adored each other - and still do several —decades— years later.

Also, we have (adult) twins in our family who fight like cat and dog, so a small - or in this case non-existent - age gap doesn’t necessarily mean a close bond. Sounds like your son has the potential for a great sibling relationship if he’s so good with the little ones at the childminders. Xx

My eldest is 9.5 and my youngest is about to turn 4. It’s a lovely gap - he’s old enough to be understanding with her and she utterly idolises him.

DS will be 6 in February too, also have a DD who will be 5 in July.

I’m due with our third in April (not sure if it’s a girl or boy yet!)

Both of my children are super excited and always cuddling my bump, telling me they love the baby.
Bonding will be through things like playing, reading to the baby, helping me get things for the baby. I’ll pump some milk so they can help with feeding. Cuddles etc.

My gap is nearly 6 years, but its been brilliant. The kids are at different stages, so there is never any competition. Also when the eldest was doing lots of after school activities the little one was easy to cart around. Then by the time the little one was doing lots of activities the eldest could be left at home for an hour or two - which made life a lot easier for me.
They still get on well and the youngest sometimes goes to stay with big brother at his uni house.

I have 5.3 inbetween my boys. They have always got on really well and have a genuine bond, it is lovely to see 😊 I think it can work really well.

The kids are at different stages, so there is never any competition.
^This. I grew up with a 6 yr gap from my elder brother and had all the advantages of single-childness, with the benefit of a very caring older sibling looking out for me. Good friends then and now, although that is down to personality and luck more than anything.

Ds 1 is 6.5 and I am due in a few weeks. Never wanted this big an age gap either.....but having suffered 2 miscarriages also, it's the way it's worked out. Ds 1 is so so so excited about his baby brother and can't wait to help!?!? My dh and his brother have a 6.5 year age gap and they are best mates too.....although competitive at times now. I'm sure it won't be all plain sailing.....but hoping for some harmony and to have a little helper to fetch and carry the odd nappy or babygro will go down a treat. Sure the news will go down a treat when you share it. Good luck.

I have a 7 year old DD and a 7 weeks old DS, my DD absolutely adores her new brother and he is mesmerised by DD already and has the biggest smiles for her. Try not to worry, I had the same concerns, I had 4 mmc's and thought it would never happen but it did and I just think it was meant to be when I see the two of them together xx

I have a 6 year age gap between my first and second
The younger one whose now 14 gets on a train to see his brother at uni occasionally,and they talk on the phone a lot.
He really looks up to his big brother and ds1 always makes time for him

They got on really well when they were younger to, unlike ds2 and dd, 2 year gap fight like cats !

Thank you everyone for your responses, this has been the most amazingly reassuring read. I have sent the link to this thread to myself to read back through when I am having a wobble.

Congratulations
I’m currently 32+3 with my 2nd and dd will be 6years 4 months when baby arrives. So I will let you know how we get on.
She is super excited and most I’ve spoken to with larger gaps have not found any problems. Fingers crossed :) xx