Sat here in a state and don't know what to do.. Antidepressants

[CinnamonAndSpice]

OK so brief history. Used to be on a lot of different antidepressants and came off when ttc.. Now 23 weeks pregnant
. However I'm struggling soo bad. My relationship is amazing. Lovely kids etc. However I just can't seem to shake this feeling.
I'm spending so many nights Sat up crying and getting myself in a state.
Tonight it's because I'm dreading Xmas. Really dreading it. My DC is going to his dad's from the Fri to boxing day. First time ever I 12 yrs he's not been with me
Altho we have both our kids boxing day at home which will be fab. It's just not the same and I know my DS will be happy at his dads.
Then dp has been Asked to work nye night as well as the Fri night before. . Now the money is too good to say no to and would be mad not to as the two 5 hour shifts works out £1500. However the thought of being in with just me and DS on nye is killing me. I hate new year and have spent so many ones alone before I met dp and it's not like I want to go out because I don't.
I can't tell dp how I feel a the working them days as hell turn it down and he loves his job too.
Now it's so many things making me feel so low. And they r silly things like above but I can't seem to get on top of them.. I tell myself I'm being silly and not to feel like it but I can't help it. I'm getting so worked up I'm literally grabbing at my skin and hair in some sort of frustration?
I really feel I need to gok back on the tablets but I'm scared.. I'm scared for the baby. I'm scared what people will think. I'm scared that I'll never come off them again.

The tablets prescribed in pregnancy will be safe. Plenty of women need AD help in pregnancy. People who judge just don't understand but you don't need to tell people. Only your medical attendants need to know.
A well mother is a good thing.
For NYE it is fine to say "Fuck it" and go to bed at 9pm. Or invite a friend round to watch a film. It feels like it should ne fun but why? It's an artificial thing to sell drink and tv advertising.
You have a nice bf who can earn good money for 10 hours work. You're in bed sleeping. That's nice.

First of all you need to be taking your medication and have it changed if it isn't compatible with pregnancy.

Secondly I hear you on NYe. Best year yet was going to bed at 10pm with hot chocolate and a box of fancy truffles. I was asleep after one sip of coco and woke NYD happy.

Who cares what anyone thinks, your health comes first, if you needed medication for diabetes or a heart problem whilst pregnant you would take them. Take care of yourself

I struggled through two pregnancies and turned down the offer of antidepressants, I have avoided taking them whilst breastfeeding as well so I understand your concerns.

If you weren’t pregnant would Christmas/NYE affect you so strongly? I struggled with Christmas too whilst pregnant because I live abroad and have no friends and family to spend it with, just DP’s- which is usually find but I found it hard to deal with when pregnant. However, the day comes and goes and all those feelings that had built up weren’t really so bad on the day!

Pregnancy both times drove me utterly crazy, my feelings were all over the place, I have suffered lots of bouts of depression and anxiety before but I find pregnancy worse because you just can’t seem to rationalise with yourself. I think you need to explain to DP how you feel and if he decides not to work then that is his decision, some things are worth more than money.

Yeah I totally get that. And that's what makes me so sad. He's so good at providing and making sure we're OK all the time
I just don't know what's come over me. All our friends have partners or family and wouldn't want to ask them to come round otherwise I would but would feel I'm putting them out.
My head is literally spinning not knowing what to do for the best.
Each time I'm like this I tell myself I'll make an appointment then bottle it.
I know I need to, I really sowand I need to make myself do it tomorrow really. And good opportunity to do is is this week as have 4 days annual leave from. Tomorrow

Have you got a GP who understands? Book an appointment, he’ll have the research on the meds and can go through them and work out the best options. Healthy mum is the most important. If you can’t face meds then talking therapy or CBT.

NYE on your own isn’t great but you do have DS. Choose a new dvd, buy some tasty sweets. Blow up some balloons. Play some silly games, the two of you, or have some sparklers in the garden - you don’t need to wait till midnight, choose another time zone and celebrate with them, say 8pm!

Yeah I see what you mean about rationalising with myself. As sometimes I convince myself that it's just the hormones. But I know deep inside it isnt. And that I probably do need to go back on something
.
Think I've also been avoiding it as recently changed gp surgery and don't really feel comfortable there like I did at the old one. But it was being moved so needed to stay in catchment

Depression isn't logical. You can have everything and feel awful whilst a friend who has nothing, doesn't have depression amd is more cheerful.
I've been depressed and it's been different to the times I'm struggling with bad life events.
Don't feel guilty!

Food ideas :) thank you. Will defo give those ideas to DS. He's 12 so will happily stay up till midnight as a treat and wev would wait up for dp to get in anyway about 1.30am..( Altho DS will prob fall asleep)
Thank you all so much xxx

Good not food

Have made an appointment for this eve.. So nervous but I know it needs to be done. Have spent to day forcing myself not to go to bed as I'm in that ' f it I can't be bothered with anything mood' so tried to keep busy..

Sorry that you’re struggling op well done for making an appointment with the GP. Let us know how you get on?

I’m in a similar position with my mental health so hoping to draw some strength from you!