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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Unsympathetic DHs / DPs

11 replies

Eaglebird · 14/04/2007 17:38

Does anyone else's DH/DP seem unsympathetic / disinterested, or is it just mine?

eg. The other day, after being sick:
DP: You look hideous.
Eaglebird. Thanks. I've just been vomiting my guts up.
DP. Oh. I had a terrible nights sleep last night.

And after the 12 week scan he was more interested in dragging me round the town to look at frames for his new bloody specs.
Men!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

sunnysideup · 14/04/2007 17:48

Eagle, it will seem more real to him when the baby is here and not before!

You need to start a campaign of TELLING HIM WHAT HE NEEDS TO DO, now.

eg DP 'You look hideous'
Eagle 'Thanks. I've just been vomiting my guts up. I need you to make me a cup of tea now please. Oh, and can you just pop to the shop and get me a magazine. Thanks'
DP 'Oh. OK.'

hopefully.

MrsBadger · 14/04/2007 17:52

he's probably feeling waay out of his depth - have you left the NHS pregnancy book lying around for him to read (do not nag him to read it, totally counetrproductive) so he can get informed if he wants to?

and has he got a role in project baby? DH felt utterly useless until we started building the nursery, because now every power tool and demolished wall is 'helping with the baby'. Can you make him the pushchair expert or the carseat guru or something?

and give it a bit of time - at 20ish weeks when the baby starts kicking pick a time when it's really active and let him feel it move under his hand
reduces strong men to tears, I tell ya

October · 14/04/2007 17:52

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Eaglebird · 14/04/2007 18:23

I've left a pile of pregnancy magazines & a couple of pregnancy books lying around, but he seems more interested in his mountain bike magazines & fishing magazines .

The nursery is on the to-do list, after the kitchen gets replaced. Hopefully this will be before the baby arrives....

I might nominate him as car-seat guru, as he likes gadgets, and he can spend hours reading 'What Car Seat' deciding which one is the best.

Thanks for your replies. Glad it's not just me. Sometimes, though, it would be nice if he just asked how I was feeling. Maybe he'll change when I get a bump (I'm currently only 12 and a half weeks), so don't look obviously pregnant.

OP posts:

MrsBadger · 14/04/2007 18:25

try leaving one off the less scary /less frilly pg mags in the bathroom - anything in there gets read

PurpleLostPrincess · 14/04/2007 18:45

I was having this problem too with my DH. Only yesterday, I was really uncomfortable and my hips clicked but he was sitting there worrying about his coldsore!!!! (sp?)

We had a bit of a 'heated discussion' and he has admitted its pure fear, he really doesn't know how to handle it all so he is pretending to ignore it! This has broken my heart but at the same time, I'm prepared to keep trying to bring him around without forcing him. I actually said to him earlier that I'm going to keep talking to him about it whether he can handle it or not! (bit of a contradiction I know!). I've left the NHS book lying around and told him there's a section for 'fathers' - don't know how long it will take him to actually read it though!!

Let us know how you get on...

lizziemun · 14/04/2007 19:54

I have this to, with my first pg one night i woke in tears as i had trapped my siactic nerve in one leg and realy bad cramp in the other leg. I tried to wake him for help he told me to turn over and go back to sleep, i layed there in tears he turned over and snored.

Then a week before i had dd, he told me he wasn't ready, i told what did he want me to do cross my legs until he decided he was. I think him putting the final bits in the nursery and it bought home how close it was.

This time he has been much better.

Original poster

Eaglebird · 15/04/2007 16:35

The other day I was having a bit of a grumble about an achy feeling in one of my buttocks, like someone had kicked me in the pants. DP responded by moaning how tired he was.
Can't wait 'til labour. Dying to know how he'll out-moan me on labour pains .

I might buy him that Hayes baby manual, which is in the style of a car maintenance manual. Has anyone read it? Is it any good?

OP posts:

Loopymumsy · 15/04/2007 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

skidaddle · 16/04/2007 15:25

Eagle, your dp sounds just like mine - especially with the mountain bike magazines!! I found it very hard to accept in my first pregnancy but am trying to be more understanding this time round although it really annoys me that we are supposed to be all forgiving because it's hard for the poor things to come to terms with - compare that with having ms, sore boobs, bad backs, carry around a baby for 9 months, go through labour etc etc etc - think I know who i feel sorry for!

However, as MrsBadger says nagging gets you nowehere so this time I have told him I get upset when he seems totally unconcerned and I need him to want to talk about the baby sometimes (names etc) and to remember that I am knackered and sick. Since we talked he has been quite good - I think a lot of the time they just need to be told but we expect them to guess.

Good news though is that the moment dd was born he completely changed and was totally amazing with her and to me so here's hoping yours is the same!

bumperlicious · 16/04/2007 16:01

I'm really sorry to hear about this, as my DH has been running around after me and it's made such a difference.

Can you get someone else to have a quiet word and explain to him what he should be doing for you, and how uncomfortable, painful and generally crap it is to be pg? Hell, give me his email address and I'll have a quiet word with him!

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