Pregnant and don’t know what to do

[AnnM08]

I’m almost 40 and have twins age 6.
Hubby and I decided to try for another around June time. We weren’t careful and nothing happened, but then Last month I was late, I was convinced I was pregnant. But got repeated negatives. AF turned up a week later. Im never late. Always 28 days. After that and the rollercoaster of emotions I went through with being late that month. Feeling excited and scared at the prospect of another baby’s we decided that actually we are great as we are, we weren’t going to try now. Happy with it being just the 4 of us. The boys are 6 and at an age where we can just do anything. They did a 13 mike bike ride with us a couple of weeks ago!!
Anyway hubby booked in at the docs to talk about getting the snip. He’s booked in next Friday.

Again I’m a week later than usual and so I’m thinking now I’m getting older my periods are getting longer (after the 35 day cycle last month!).

I decided to do a test just to prove that they’re getting longer still. But got a BFP at 5:30am Saturday morning 😳 hubby heard me cursing in the bathroom and asked what’s up. Told him and he was totally fine. I’m a little shocked to say the least. Had got my head around not having another..

The only time we had unprotected sex (since we didn’t not to try again) was 4 days after AF! Typical!!

I just can’t get excited about it. I’m really scared now and really not sure if I can do this? I’ve always been anti abortion (if you get yourself in the mess then deal with it). After it had sunk in Hubby was also feeling a little scared. Although I think he has his head around it more than me. But he said he’ll support whatever decision I make.

I’m scared about my mental state, I had PND after the twins?
I’m worried about the twins, will they get neglected?
We live in a 3 bed and the third small room is currently a dressing/ironing room. We have no storage space. No chance of moving for at least 5 years.
What if it’s twins again?

We don’t have loads of money, but we would scrape by.
The twins have said they’d like a sibling when we’ve asked them previously.
I so wanted this a few months earlier!
I’m scared that I would regret if I had a termination.

What’s most confusing is that I wanted this so much just a couple of months ago. Would I have left like this had I got a positive back then?

I just can’t feel happy or excited about it.

Anyone been through similar?

Really appreciate any comments xx

I think just give yourself time. I'm 24 weeks now and I got pregnant a month after I had a mc in April. Both pregnancies were very much wanted and planned. But I really didn't think I was pregnant. I felt awful, but took a test and it was negative. I only tested again because AF was late. And I was pregnant. We were actively trying to get pregnant. And I still didn't quite know what to feel. The shock and trauma of everything we went through meant I just couldn't process it all. I wasn't genuinely excited until after my 20 week scan. Only you know what is the best decision for you, but it sounds like you would genuinely regret a termination and I would give yourself some time to get over the shock. Mine is also about to turn 5, so the baby stage also seems very far in the past. But I know we'll do just fine like we did before. Sorry you're feeling this way, just wanted to say it can be a shock and that is totally normal. I would just go easy on yourself until you get used to the idea.

I’m 33 weeks pregnant with our unplanned number 3. I know how you feel. At first I wasn’t sleeping because of the panic, but that has eased off. It’s all the unknown for you ATM but you have a long time to go, to get your head around it. I’m still not completely feeling it, but relying on that when it arrives, it’ll be hard but it’ll also be brilliant.
The boys will be neglected by you for a short time, but your OH will step up. I’m preparing mine (5&3yo) by explaining I will be very busy with the new baby. Remember the billions of us who have siblings and we all survived

Thanks Ladies.

After writing the post I felt a kind of sense of relief and a little more positive. Hoping that it doesn’t fade again later.

I guess the first time round we were so excited. It’s difficult when you feel so different this time x

You just need to give yourself time, be kind to yourself and don't be so hard on yourself. It will be a huge adjustment for all of you, but will be so worth it! Your boys will love a sibling, and they're both at an age where they will love to help! I'm guessing they're at school? At least that will give you a little time to be with baby during the day.

It will be amazing I'm sure :))) xxxx

Aw thanks BettyDraper

Yeah they’re at school. I know they’ll enjoy having a little one around them. Just hope they get used to it, as it’s just been them for so long xx

They will, kids are so resilient, they will love it x

I feel so numb. Why can’t I just be okay with being pregnant. I can’t stop thinking that I should end it. If I wanted the baby wouldn’t I be okay and jus stop feeling like this?

I feel lonely as ultimately it’s my decision. My hubby says he will support whichever I decide. But has said he is worried about my mental state if we do go ahead. I had PND last time. Quite bad initially 😞