Antenatal depression and/or no excitement

[Whereisthebuzz]

This is my 2nd pregnancy and it was unplanned/ surprise. Is that the reason I feel so underwhelmed/flat about it all? I was so buzzy in my first pregnancy once I got over the morning sickness etc.
This time around I really noticed the effect of that horrible first trimester on my mood and not just how I felt physically. Low, down, anxious, just not myself. The sight of baby things leaves me cold this time around.
My toddler is such hard work and while I enjoyed the newborn stage, I am not under any illusions this time around about how hard it is and for how long.
A final factor that I feel may be significant is that I accidentally found out (it's a long story) the sex despite not wanting to/ not being sure I wanted to. It's another boy. I wish I didn't know. I definitely don't want any more children after this so (I know a healthy baby is all that matters) I think I'm sad I will never have a girl. Like I say, I wish I hadn't found out. I reckon I would have been more excited to be speculating now and I think more accepting of a boy as a surprise at birth.

The big question that's been on my mind is am I suffering from a case of antenatal depression or is it non-antenatal related. Am I just flat out depressed? I'm 35 weeks now and it feels like I have been feeling low forever. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I no longer know what I want in life, career, house, I'm questioning my marriage almost daily and I have little or no interest in hardly anything. I feel trapped/joyless/just really blue. Obviously some days are better than others. Does any of this resonate with anyone?

I think it does sound like you're suffering from depression, I've not gone full term in a pregnacy yet and am preg again but only 4-5 weeks so have my own worries about that so wouldn't be able to relate to you in that aspect but I do know what it's like to feel like you do and question everything within your life ect. I'd defo contact your doctor and try to talk to some, maybe a friend or a family member. I'm hopeful that once you have your son you'll be thinking abit more clearly!

I'd see your doctor if I were you - you sound depressed. It's really hard with a toddler - they sap the life from you. There'll be a 5 year gap between my children because the thought of having another when my son was 18 months to 3 yrs made me cry.

It's so common to feel like this. Please seek some help

Yes! I was put on antidepressants at 17 weeks because of all those feelings you described. I was struggling on a day to day and with other small children to care for, like you. Now 28 weeks and the meds have kicked in and I feel able to cope so much better. I'm still not 100% myself, but I am coping with everything so much better and feel ok. I have been seeing a lovely perinatal MH nurse for counselling and it has massively helped too.

The depression you are describing could turn to post natal depression, which I think the perinatal team are quite worried about with me.

It's not too late to ask for support.

Thank you so much for your replies. I will see my doctor. I certainly don't want this to lead to postnatal depression or longer term issues. I have a feeling I'll be referred for counseling first which I don't want but I guess that's the path the doctor might prefer. This feeling sucks.

I think it's normal isn't it? Like you said, you know what's ahead of you. A lot of pretty shit times. It would naive if you did feel excited.

Sorry not trying to make you feel worse. I'm preg as well and feel the same way. To me it's not depression, just being realistic.

Yes, Piewraith. The contrast between my feelings as a first-timer and this time is unreal. And then that makes me feel ungrateful/guilty. Because as well as a second-timer I'm a last-timer so I really "should" get a grip but I'm just feeling nothing but bleurgh and maybe my husband is too. Just no excitement or interest. Hopefully it will come in time.

Hi OP. I could have written your post. I am early stages pregnant with my second and am feeling the same as you. I feel so guilty because this was planned but I don't feel great about it all.

I was on sertraline pre pregnancy and it really helped me and then my gp told me to reduce the dose and see how I feel. It's safe to say that I feel awful. At my midwife booking in appointment I explained how I felt and she referred me to the mental health midwife team who contacted me yesterday and told me that it's safe to take sertraline in pregnancy, so I'll be taking them again.
I think if you're honest with your midwife they will be able to advise. I feel relief that I don't have to go through my entire pregnancy feeling this way.

I just wanted to say that you're not alone.

Thank you so much and sorry you've been struggling too. I already feel like this baby is missing out compared to #1.