Scared & need advice

[MissSophieB397]

So, I posted last night regarding my BFP which I am so pleased with. However, I’m with my partner of almost 3 years, we are both still young (21) and he is at uni currently and I work full time. This was unexpected and he is unhappy, and is almost begging me to get an abortion and saying it’s either that or do it alone. I can’t bare the thought of an abortion and I just wanted him to be there, I know the circumstances aren’t great but after losing my dad this was for me good news and it’s made me feel better. I have a feeling if I keep the Baby, the father will end up leaving which I know is selfish and horrible of him but I understand he feels he isn’t ready and can’t afford a child. I know I have a supportive family and friends and I would get through it alone, just wanted some advice and if anyone has been in a same situation and what they did?

Oh so sorry to hear that. Did you talk about contraception before you fell pregnant? You're both young and he is probably not ready from what you say - I am 40 and am expecting my first and I don't feel ready, so there definitely has never been a eureka moment that this is it! If you keep it, he probably will walk away, but is he worth abortiing a child over?

Nobody can advise you what to do, you have to do what feels right for you. If you want to keep the baby and think you'll be able to cope, then I'd say go it alone, otherwise you may abort and regret it.

My sister was in a predicament with her ex-partner and he said he wasn't bothered about kids, but when she fell pregnant he wasn't best pleased. She saw the pregnancy through adn for a while they stayed together, but he resented the child and never bonded with her. Thankfully my sister saw sense to walk away and is now much happier, but it could have had a damaging impact on their daughter. He's that much of a loser, he doesn't bother to ask after her or even buy her a birthday or christmas present.

Thank you for your response, yeah we are both young however I’ve always been a very family orientated person and I absolutely love babies. I’ve had 1 other abortion due to only being 18 at the time and with a horrible person, and I was on the pill so it was a mistake and I had to do then what was right. But this time for me is very different. He knew I wasn’t on contraception due to coming off the pill to let my body and cycle go back to normal as I’d been having irregular, long and painful periods. I’m just stuck right now but I know I don’t want an abortion

That is such a sad response from your OH. But I cannot help feeling that his response is telling you things about him that perhaps you did not know - and better to know now than later.

Stick with your pregnancy if this is what feels right for you. You may finish up going it alone and that is not ideal, but you can do it.

I was only 19 when I fell pregnant. Me and my ex moved in together and had DD1 I wouldn't change her for the world. It then turned into am emotionally abusive relationship and now at 26 I've only just cut ties with him after the birth of DD2. He doesn't see either of them. It's hard but they are the best thing to ever happen to me. That said I wish I was older and in a stable relationship. If you are prepared to be a single parent and want to keep the baby then that's what you should do. I do get jealous when I see other people my age building up their careers and travelling etc but I don't regret my babies at all. Do what's right for you

If you don't want an abortion he absolutely shouldn't try to talk you into it. If he's not ready to be a parent then you need to go your own way. However, he probably should have thought about the consequences before he had unprotected sex with you.
I'd call it a day with him then let him know scan dates etc so he could attend (if you want him there).
Look into financial planning for you and the baby and send him all the information regarding maintenance payments etc. So it's all agreed before baby arrives. He might surprise you and be supportive, he might not but need to get your ducks in a row and prepare to raise this kid alone, if that's what you want. Plenty do it and manage just fine, I think most would advise getting all this stuff organised early though.

Thank you all for your responses. I’m going to speak to family, speak with the midwife and prepare myself. I just can’t face getting rid of a life, but I know I can do it alone

Good luck and keep us posted :-)

I did it alone, I was also young (15). My dd's dad didn't want to know. He was never involved in her life. It was hard and I had to grow up quickly and I missed out in alot of my teenage years. BUT it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Good luck.

You most certainly can do it alone. He will miss out on the most amazing journey but that’s his loss, hopefully his family will be ashamed of him and want to be there for you and your child.
He’s shown you his true colours which is good that he’s done it now and not 6 months down the line

I was in a slightly different situation to you but I had a surprise pregnancy and knew of I went through with it I'd be going it alone..... She's now 9 weeks old. Enlist family and friends for support and do what's best for you, either way. If you've spent 9 months preparing for going it alone it will seem completely normal once baby arrives, honest. Xx

Don’t abort if you don’t want to. My friend was in a the same situation to you, she kept it and there relationship is great now. He just panicked! But he has grown into an amazing father and would do anything for his child! It could just be nerves and not thinking straight.

21 is well below the average age nowadays, but not historically. You are a full adult. You will be able to cope, even if it's not what you imagined.

Mumsnet is very pro-abortion, so not the best place to come for advice. But the one mantra of "your body" means that you are the one who decides to keep going.

There are plenty of us here with unplanned pregnancies. Mine is an absolutely delightful 15yo, who is so clever and talented, with amazing prospects. She has been a total joy. And we did cope!