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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Home birth? Advice needed.

22 replies

GillL · 10/04/2007 14:29

I'm contemplating asking for a home birth. Dd was born in 5 hours (from water breaking and first contraction) and I'm just worried that I won't get to the hospital in time, especially if we go in rush hour. I also have the problem of what to do with dd. I'm sure we could find someone to look after her but it may be difficult to get her there at short notice on the way to the hospital, depending on the time of day. I think I would be much more comfortable being at home with dd and my mum (who will be my birth partner as dh was like a rabbit in headlights at dd's birth).

The problem is that Dh really isn't keen just in case there are any complications. Dd was born with no problems at all and although I tore there was not much bleeding. Has anyone got any advice on how to talk him round? I'm going to speak to my midwife next week to see if I'd be allowed to to do it but I'd like to have dh on my side beforehand.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
aragon · 10/04/2007 14:31

Hi,

Check out Angela Horn's website here - masses of research and info for your hubby.

hewlettsdaughter · 10/04/2007 14:33

Have you seen this homebirth site ? There's a page on there you could show your dh called "But What If...?"

hewlettsdaughter · 10/04/2007 14:34

snap aragon!

TeeCee · 10/04/2007 14:37

All I can say is my DP was really against a home birth, was terrified at the thought of it.
Me and the midwife just told him it would be fine and better at home than on a hard shoulder!
2 seconds after DD2 was born at home he was telling everyone that home births are the way to go and how fab they are.
The fact he got to get into his own bed and curl up with a cup of tea while the 2 grandmothers cleaned and chatted and looked after DD1 helped!
DD1 also got to see her new sister being born (she came in at the very last stage when there was no mummy pulling scary faces!)
We're not expecting no 3 and neither of us even considered anything other than a homebirth.
They are FAB.

liath · 10/04/2007 14:47

I'm 39 week pg & booked for a HB (second baby) with a pretty unwilling DH. I've made it clear to him that I will go in if things aren't progressing smoothly and I think the fact that we're 5 minutes from the hospital helps. DH is a doctor and as a breed they're generally very anti-HB so it has taken a fair bit of pursuading. I've gone for the gently gently approach rather than "this is what I'm doing and you can stick it", tempting though that was.

Good luck and it's worth trying to find someone's DH who has found it very positive to speak to yours.

rubles · 10/04/2007 14:51

Have you looked into a local home birth support group? There may be experienced fathers there who can help give the father's perspective. I know that if my partner was to go to one of those meetings he would give a very convincing and enthusiastic argument for home births to all the other fathers there. Like TeeCee's dp he still tells everyone how great home births are.

I hope the midwife is strongly supportive & helps you out (as she bl**dy well should be). He may just need to know a few more of the facts to open his mind to the idea.

Pannacotta · 10/04/2007 14:57

Perhaps try reminding him of the benefits, such as:
no childcare needed and therefore less stress for your dd (as well as you both) in that respect, own facilites/privacy for you such as own loo/bathroom, less chance of infection (MRSA - nasty!), own bed for you all to cuddle up in post birth (best bit of home birth IMO) and general level of attention fron MW.
From what I gather I had far more personal, one to one MW attention at home than all my friends who gave birth at hospital (who saw lots of different hospital staff while in labour). I also had the simplest birth with no complications, in part due to no interference etc. HTH and good luck...

TeeCee · 10/04/2007 14:59

Your DH can come on here and I'll get my DP to post if you like?
DP's so not the home birth hippy type but he'll wax lyrical about how they are the only way to go if you'd like him to.

ChasingRabbits · 10/04/2007 15:16

have to say i went for the "this is what i am doing and you can stick it approach" lol. worked for me

TeeCee · 10/04/2007 15:19

Me too chasingrabbits!
So glad I did as it was the best decision.
DP just sat quietly while me and midwife told him it was happening and to lump it!
We did try and convince him to be the one to do the catching and he didn't go for that one though!
After the birth anyone would have thought it was his idea to have the birth at home!

ChasingRabbits · 10/04/2007 15:27

lol at catching the baby - my dh was on the other side of the room cutting bubble wrap when ds2 was born (rather quick birth). and pmsl at it being your dh's idea to have it at home, from the way my dh was going on about it you would have thought he had given birth himself!

GillL · 10/04/2007 15:49

Thanks everyone for your advice. The web site is great, although I think it might scare dh a bit with all the problems he wouldn't have thought about.

TeeCee, that would be great if you can get your dp to add a post about how he was converted.

OP posts:
TeeCee · 10/04/2007 15:49

LOL

Homebird8 · 10/04/2007 16:15

I second aragon's advice to look at the UK homebirth site. It's fantastic. Also the Yahoo homebirth group is a great place for support from those who've done it, midwives, those who're planning it and all sorts of other interested parties.

You don't have to ask anyone if you may have a homebirth. The phrase to use is that you are 'planning a homebirth'. Don't let them fill your head with all the what-ifs. If they start on that then tell them you have your baby's best interests at heart and will act on evidence of your personal health and circumstances as they happen.

If your DH needs to talk to someone get him to post here and my DH will be honest about what happened with us. He was sceptical at first but saw it was the best way for me and in an uncomplicated pregnancy home is the safest place - even if it's your first!

I had both of my boys at home and wouldn't have had it any other way. The first time was long (19 1/2 hours with 2 1/2 of them pushing) but other than a slight tear (which didn't need stitching) all was fine. The second time was shorter (5 hours) but I bled a bit (300ml) and they gave me two lots of the syntometine jab for the placenta to stop it. That was fine except that it makes me sick and one of the midwives (you have two at the end - one for you and one for the baby) went to the hospital to get me an anti-emetic to stop me being sick (which I was doing into DS1's seaside bucket with fish on the side)!

The other thing about 'planning a homebirth' is that it's not set in stone. Even part way through labour you can change your mind though I shouldn't think you will if it means travelling in advanced labour You can certainly change your mind (and might have some pressure to do so) right up to the end of your pregnancy. It's your decision though it is good to be supported by DH.

Loopymumsy · 10/04/2007 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Londonmamma · 10/04/2007 20:28

I had a home birth and it was wonderful. Your DH sounds like he needs a 'medical' person to put his mind at ease. He may be feeling that he would have more responsibility for your wellbeing on his shoulders at home rather than in hospital. I'm sure a confident, experienced midwife would talk him through the practicalities - it's surely common for men to be unsure about it.
Good luck!

Homebird8 · 10/04/2007 21:30

I'm the other, more mad side of HomeBird8 - her dear husband...

I'm not a tree-hugging hippie type, and wanted to make sure that homebird was doing the right thing, when she proclaimed, we're having this one at home, as pregnancy hormones make for very erratic 'bird to say the least , excepting when she slept, and I reckon she could have taken that up as an Olympic sport she was so well trained.

However, the 'Home Birth' bee in her bonnet just got louder and angrier the more she read up... and she encouraged me to do so too. I'm d**ned glad she did.

Firstly, the midwifry support to home births is excellent - yes you get no machines that go ping, you get no clamouring nurses, and more importantly, you do get to have a midwife around, all the time once things have progressed.

Secondly, she was relaxed -whether that makes for an easier birth, being male, I have absolutely no comprehension, but, she didnt need much pain relief during, was able to take her time (and was actively encouraged to do so to reduce tearing) during second stage, and third stage was natural, with a small shot of instant vomit aka syntometrin to make sure little bleeding happened.

Once the formalities were over, they left our house, and we were able to sleep, have a cup of tea, eat a little, when we felt like it. There was none of those stupid rules - thou shalt not have sandwiches, beans, a glass of water heaven forbid a yoghurt or six - fresh, your favourite flavour, and in YOUR fridge...

Finally, no great fanfare, palava, transfer from hospital, just peace, quiet (yeah right, with a newborn in the house!) and us.

In our bed.

The post partum infection rates are lower at home, the incidences of so called 'complications' at home are treated in a more woman-centric sympathetic manner. Pain relief can be arranged in the form of gas and air, or meptid (which is loads better for baby than pethidine), and from gut feel it just felt right. Its a brave decision, one that runs counter to the huge propaganda effort that has been mounted over the decades that hospital is the best place.

First time round, I was quite frankly, very, very, very concerned.

I neednt have worried.

Second time around, yes there was a bleed, but the midwives did thier jobs, stopped it, made sure that HomeBird was comfy, and then went on thier way.

Midwives are funny - they seem to be fuelled by chocolate cake, buscuits and tea. They'll also help you to make the decision that you both feel comfortable with.

One of many leaps of faith that I'm very glad I took.

Londonmamma · 10/04/2007 22:13

(They've all been off watching the last episode of Life on Mars) That's a great testimony, welcome to Mumsnet!

GillL · 11/04/2007 10:19

Thanks everyone, especially Mr Homebird8. I broached the subject with dh last night and he said that if that is what I wanted then I should do it. He did, however, tell me that he really wasn't happy about it and was now really worried.

I'm going to get him to read all your comments. I'm hoping it will set his mind at ease but even if it doesn't, the more I think about it the more I think it will be best for us, dd and the baby. Hopefully my midwife will agree. I'm sure she will, she's very nice.

OP posts:
Homebird8 · 11/04/2007 13:49

I'm sure Mr Homebird8 would answer any questions your DH might have GillL! Just ask.

GillL · 11/04/2007 16:41

Looks like we're making progress Homebird. I copied the thread into an email to dh (I didn't want him to see my comment about being a rabbit in headlights ) and this was his reply:

"That was quite a useful e-mail thread.

Good quote: ?Midwives are funny - they seem to be fuelled by chocolate cake, buscuits and tea.?

I would still like to talk to Andrea about it but I am a little more relaxed about it now."

He's even thinking about coming to see the midwife with me next week! Yesterday he didn't seem interested.

Can I CAT you if we need to know anything?

OP posts:
Homebird8 · 11/04/2007 16:55

Not sure how CAT works but you can try it

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