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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How to tell brother I''m pregnant

22 replies

bettydraper31 · 04/10/2017 20:28

Hi,

I need some advice. I'm 11 weeks pregnant with number 2. My mum knows and my hubby and my best friend but that's it.

My brother and his long term gf have been trying to conceive for around 4 years now, tried IVF but told her eggs are poor quality & low amount and basically it won't help them so I think they've reached the end of the road for now..

BUT my brother has told me none of this, I didn't even know they were ttc when we announced (at a family meal) that we were pregnant with ds1. My mum has told me everything in confidence (only to me, not in a gossipy way, just in a caring way). My brother has told me nothing.

So how do I tell them we are pregnant again, being sensitive but also not too sensitive as I'm not even meant to know?! I'm stuck!

I was thinking maybe a letter or card, as face to face may be a little hard to swallow, I want them to be able to digest the news, not have pretend to be happy for us (which I know they will be once it's sunk in).

Please help! X

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thegirlupnorth · 04/10/2017 20:29

Would it be easier for,your mum to break the news first without you supposedly knowing and then when you tell them a little while later they're prepared X

Bobbiepin · 04/10/2017 20:30

Text or email. Let him process the news in his own time without having to instantly respond. Tell him like you are telling your brother and make no reference to their fertility problems - if you haven't been told its not your knowledge to have so you act like you don't know.

AnUtterIdiot · 04/10/2017 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/10/2017 20:32

I would get your DM to tell them tbh. As it could well be another blow to them that she has broken their confidence.

Then give them some space.

Congratulations on your news

RefuseTheLies · 04/10/2017 20:33

Your mum's probably told him already.

Invisimamma · 04/10/2017 20:33

Just send a text, it means they can digest the news privately and work up to congratulating you next time they see you.

We had difficulties conceiving ds2 and each time another friend announced 2nd and 3rd babies I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. It was nothing personal and I love all their children now, I was just grieving for what couldn't have at that time.

Original poster

bettydraper31 · 04/10/2017 20:33

Thanks everyone that's what I was thinking. I thought maybe a card would look a little suspect.

I wasn't going to mention anything about their issues xx

We don't see them too often as we are about an hour apart, so I may say "not sure when we'll see you guys next but blah blah" x

OP posts:

OlennasWimple · 04/10/2017 20:34

In sort of similar circumstances, I told my best friend over the phone. I would normally have told her good news in person, but the phone made it a bit less direct

AgainPlease · 04/10/2017 20:37

Very tough. I've been in the position of your brother and SIL and news of your second pregnancy would make my heart sink. I think I'd rather my close family know that we are having fertility issues rather than everyone not talking about it/sweeping it under the rug/being awkward, mainly to avoid situations like this.

Speak to your mum and ask her advice on what to say - she obviously knows more about how your brothers feels/is struggling and how he might take the news.

Workingonthemoon · 04/10/2017 20:40

Congratulations.
I'd ask mum to tell them too. Or a text. If you're not meant to know, just be normal about it.
It's lovely how thoughtful you are being. Don't let it take the joy out of this for you though. X

Original poster

bettydraper31 · 04/10/2017 20:46

Thanks everyone, you're all so kind xx

I feel guilty about announcing it over dinner last time when they were ttc! I would never have done if we'd known x

My brother is SUCH a private person. Which he's allowed to be I guess. X

OP posts:

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/10/2017 20:51

Please don't feel guilty.

My DSis told everyone she was pregnant at dinner. We had just had another failed round of IVF but had told no one.

My DSis felt guilty later when she found out, which made me feel awful as she didn't know.

Original poster

bettydraper31 · 04/10/2017 20:53

Ah Piglet there really is no right answer is there. They're/you were perfectly entitled not to tell anyone, some things are easier when kept in your own little circle. X

OP posts:

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/10/2017 20:55

There really isn't.

It's so thoughtful that you are thinking of them.

Original poster

bettydraper31 · 04/10/2017 20:56

Ah thank you x I hope things have worked out for you? X

OP posts:

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/10/2017 20:58

They have, but after much heartache.

I wish you all the best.

Original poster

bettydraper31 · 04/10/2017 21:00

You too x

OP posts:

NikiBabe · 04/10/2017 21:08

My brother is SUCH a private person. Which he's allowed to be I guess.

YOur mother is not allowing him to have his privacy which is reprehensible imo. She has no right telling you his business.

my mum is the same, if there is something I dont want my sister to know about, I know I cannot tell my mother as she will tell my sister as she cannot keep her shut.

I think you should tell your brother you know it all so he never tells his treacherous bitch of a mother anything ever again .

hayli · 04/10/2017 21:27

so he never tells his treacherous bitch of a mother anything ever again .
need a drink?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/10/2017 21:31

NikiBabe completely unnecessarily nasty post.

Original poster

bettydraper31 · 04/10/2017 21:31

Thanks for your input NikiBabe!

I'll be sure to take on board your advice.

OP posts:

Lilbeth1986 · 04/10/2017 22:16

I think the fact you're thinking about how to tell them so carefully shows how thoughtful you are.Maybe your mum could tell them before you do so they've had time to digest it?I know from my own experience of pregnancy announcements when you're trying that although it hurts a bit at first,you then feel really happy for the ones experiencing it.

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