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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

DH at which appointments

69 replies

HolyShmoly · 02/10/2017 20:11

Hi, which appoints did your DP come along to? Ive told my DH that he's coming to the initial GP appointment (although it sound like that's not much) but then I guess it's just the scans? Is it useful for him to be at the booking in appointment or any of the others?
It's all very, very new!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MagicFajita · 02/10/2017 21:20

He's come to them all as we're both super anxious due to a previous loss.

seven201 · 02/10/2017 21:27

Are you sure you even need a gp appointment? I didn't, went straight to midwife. My dh came to scans and some important ones towards the end as my pregnancy was not straightforward.

Original poster

HolyShmoly · 02/10/2017 21:33

Not sure on anything seven201 how do you even find out?
I called the gp reception and said I was pregnant so guessed I needed to see the doctor and she made me an appointment. If I could self refer, I assume she would have said so?

OP posts:

AccrualIntentions · 02/10/2017 21:42

I had to see the GP to be referred to the midwife. It was completely pointless, but it's the way the system worked in my NHS trust.

gamerchick · 02/10/2017 21:47

GPs don’t like to be asked to look at someone else’s medical records other than the person who the appointment is for. He’ll need to make his own appointment. Don’t ask.

Scans only for the dads. There’s no need for them to be at the others. Midwives like to talk to m2b without the men there. Helps weed out the abusive controlling ones.

Zebrasinpyjamas · 02/10/2017 21:54

My appointments roughly alternated between gp and the mw team. The gp ones were entirely routine for blood pressure/checking there were no concerns. Dh was definitely not needed or interested in those. He did come to most of the MW ones, especially in the last trimester as we started to ask questions about my birth plan, how to get in to the hospital at night, when to ring the labour suite etc. Plus listening to the baby's heartbeat and getting results of the blood tests which I would have wanted him there for if there were anomalies.

Original poster

HolyShmoly · 02/10/2017 22:03

Even if he's there Gamer? He got diagnosed with a heart condition a few years ago, but wasn't sure exactly what it was called as it was a mouthful and we just want to check to make sure it isn't hereditary. So it's actually relevant to the pregnancy, not just a random query.

OP posts:

PinkHippo1 · 02/10/2017 22:04

My DH has come to them all. This is mainly because I'm consultant led for a couple of things and at each appointment/growth scan there is something to be discussed. It also helps to have two of us hear what the consultant is saying so we can remind each other if we forget bits. It's also quite nice to have the feeling that you're in it together, whether DH finds the appointment a bit boring or not. If you'd like him there, go for it. There are always plenty of partners at my antenatal clinics.

2ducks2ducklings · 02/10/2017 22:23

Just scans here and once out of the twice so far I've been in for monitoring.

JaneEyre70 · 02/10/2017 22:26

It can be nice to have company as clinics often over run badly, but I do know from a friend that having a very involved partner that comes to every single appointment and scan can get you a potential DA flag........ It's personal choice, I found DH got in the way and asked stupid questions most of the time so I went alone . He came to anomaly scans though and any late pregnancy consultant appointments.

DueNov · 02/10/2017 22:31

Mine just came to scans as he works full time. Booking in apt is so boring I doubt your dh would enjoy it

gamerchick · 02/10/2017 22:39

No he needs to make his own appointment Op. your gp will have your notes open that’s all. The appointment is for you only. By all means mention it if you’re concerned.

If there’s a medical history that needs to be brought up it might be worth mentioning it to your midwife at your booking in visit.

AnUtterIdiot · 02/10/2017 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lemondrop99 · 02/10/2017 22:54

DH came to the first booking appointment, but honestly that was a waste of time and really boring for him. If he doesn't come, you'll need to know some of his basic family health history (parents).

Aside from that, he's come along to the 12 and 20 week scans. These were the best ones for him to come along.

He's offered to come along to other ones, but doesn't seem worth him nodding work. It's just pee in a pot, blood pressure, measure bump, Doppler, repeat. Pretty boring stuff.

He did come along to my 40 week appointment because it was a Saturday and he thought we might be discussion overdue options. But that's not being discussed till 41 weeks so even that was a bit of a waste of time!

NapQueen · 02/10/2017 22:55

Dh came to the scans and also my anti d injection appointments (I think I was 28 weeks both times).

TillyTheTiger · 02/10/2017 23:01

DH came to my booking in appointment but had to leave the room when she took blood as he hates needles. Then the two scans, but none of the other MW appointments, as mine was a straightforward pregnancy. I asked if it would be ok to record the sound of the heartbeat on my phone as the midwife checked it so he could hear it when I got home, he really liked that.

Original poster

HolyShmoly · 02/10/2017 23:07

I didn't know they would use the doppler.
God I don't know anything! I think I was partly scared to do much research in case I jinxed things. How do you know in advance what happens at the appointments? Do they tell you?
I'm not from the UK and not telling people until after the 12 week scan, so can't really ask anyone in real life.
A friend is a midwife in my area, but don't exactly want to start grilling her... yet.

OP posts:

Lemondrop99 · 02/10/2017 23:24

Here you go OP

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/Pages/antenatal-appointment-schedule.aspx

practicalmagick · 03/10/2017 01:32

having a very involved partner that comes to every single appointment and scan can get you a potential DA flag

Really?! That's stupid. Mine has come to all my appointments. Not because he's an abuser (he's not!), but because he's excited about the baby, and the midwife clinic always happens to be Tuesday mornings when he starts work later anyway so he can easily make it before work. It never occurred to us that he wouldn't come tbh, and it's nice to have him there rather than me waiting alone etc. It's personal preference but I don't think it's weird for men to come or not come either way, up to you.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 03/10/2017 01:50

It's not stupid - pregnancy is a common time for DV to emerge and a red flag is just that - in the absence of other red flags it's likely to be nothing to be concerned about. But there are controlling Hs out there and one of the things they may be more likely to do is to attend all appointments. Of course there will be other Hs who attend all appointments who are fine, and controlling Hs who don't attend any appointments at all, but you shouldn't be offended that the risks and red flags are being observed or checked. Women who are in horrible situations need to be protected where possible and antenatal checks are one of the few opportunities

MagicFajita · 03/10/2017 07:06

That's an interestimate point. My exdh attended hardly any of my appointments because he was abusive , I went to my anomaly scan for dd alone. He didn't give a shit that I said needed him.

My dp however has been attentive and wonderful because we had devastating news at a scan last year and listened when I said I needed him at the hospital with me.

So lack of interest can be a sign of dv too

MagicFajita · 03/10/2017 07:07

*interesting.

NiceCuppaTeaAndASitDown · 03/10/2017 07:13

DH came to my first midwife appointment, both scans and the 31 week appointment as that's when we covered my birth plan and I wanted him to be involved in that as he's my birth partner.

practicalmagick · 03/10/2017 07:15

But simply going to appointments is meaningless as a flag. As you say, there are abusive partners who might go to every appointment, and some who go to none. It tells you nothing.

This kind of talk is a problem because it makes men uncomfortable showing interest in their babies. How would you feel if you were suspected of being too involved in your own baby's life? Yet we also complain men don't do enough to look after their own children or support their partners.

A man enjoying hearing his baby's heartbeat, for example, is not an example of controlling behaviour, and to suggest otherwise is scaremongering. There are very real DV flags in pregnancy that HCPs should be concentrating on. If the partner is actually acting controlling in the appointments then that's another matter. But then if he is, it's better that he came along so the midwife could see it!

Sorry to derail your thread OP

shushpenfold · 03/10/2017 07:16

Mine came to the scans but only because he had enough AL left. If it's gong to use up precious holiday time, I'd bring him to the 12 week scan as a preference.

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