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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

My boyfriend wants me to have an abortion

23 replies

Chunk90 · 29/09/2017 22:18

I found outa week ago I'm pregnant I'm 7 weeks gone and it was a total shock, I was on the Pill and whilst on holiday was very unwell with D and V, I didn't realise diorhea affects the pill so here I am!

I told my boyfriend yesterday when I was upset as he was stressing about little things and took it out on me, he txt me and told me he wanted to break up when he left the house and when he came back it's when I blurted it out after thinking I could sort things on my own and not rock our already rocky relationship.

About 2 years ago he made me have an abortion and said if I didn't I would be single, we hadn't been together a year at that point so I thought it was the best thing but almost a day after he ended things after trying to be nice up until this point and then I went on a downward spiral...I was so hurt and he couldn't see what he had done to me, I felt broken and regretted what I done but as time passed thought it was best but vowed to never find myself in the same situation ever again.

I don't know what to do, he says he doesn't want a kid and I can't go through all that again if I have an abortion but the other option is to be a single mum and my whole life change. I'm nearly 28 and I love kids but I don't know what I want, I think if he wanted it I would be happy but knowing what I know I just can't decide. He said if I keep it I will have to move out.

I know if I went ahead and kept the baby he would eventually support me but wouldn't want me and I couldn't bare to see him move on and regret losing him but at the same time I think I've lost him anyway.

I just don't know what to do, I feel so tired and sick every minute of the day and this is just making things worse

OP posts:

Blossomdeary · 29/09/2017 22:23

It is NOT his decision.

You will be better of without him.

stopbeingadramallama · 29/09/2017 22:24

You're better off without him. It isn't his decision to make. He sounds horrible.

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 29/09/2017 22:29

He sounds awful, leave him and have a lovely life with your baby.

I raised my dd on my own, I fell pregnant when I was 27yo and knew from day 1 I would be on my own. Of course it can be hard at times but being a mum is hard at times, the good times however more than make up for the hard times!!

Leave the horrible boyfriend and have your baby.

MyfatheristheKing · 29/09/2017 22:29

You sound like you will be better off without him. It’s your choice, not his. I had a termination when I was a teen (almost 17) and like you I vowed I would never have another. It absolutely broke me and I became severely depressed. To me it sounds like you couldn’t have another either. Do you have someone in real life you can confide in?

Hermagsjesty · 29/09/2017 22:29

You should split up with him no matter what. His behaviour towards you is apalling and you deserve better. Once you're out of the relationship, then decide what you want to do about the baby. I am so sorry that you're going through this.

Scrumptiousbears · 29/09/2017 22:33

To keep the baby or not is your choice. Either way dump him cause he's a twat.

LucieLucie · 29/09/2017 22:33

I disagree with the above, ultimately you get the final say in the decision but he is entitled to express his wish not to be forced to be a father.

It’s well known that the pill won’t absorb in cases of sickness and diarrhoea so extra contraception should have been used so both at fault there.

A termination at 7 weeks is just an oral tablet then an internal pessary. I understand termination isn’t for everyone but i personally would rather end it than be tied for life with someone who would be a reluctant or absent father.

Don’t underestimate the overwhelming impact of having a child never mind having one without support.

Original poster

Chunk90 · 29/09/2017 22:34

I know this sounds stupid but I love him so much more then anyone I've ever loved, he has this other side to him he's In denial off so makes rash and harsh decisions which usually impact on me and everyone thinks he's a saint. Thinks have been good recently so he thinks I've planned it, I've told him I never wanted to be in this situation again and I'm sorry but it is truly and accident. I will have to move out back to my parent and I don't know how I'm going to deal with it all, my parent work away so I wouldn't have much support there which isn't their fault but I don't want to be seen as a bad person who "trapped" him becuase that isn't the case at all. Either way I'm on my own

OP posts:

Original poster

Chunk90 · 29/09/2017 22:37

I disagree I've heard of vomiting can have effects but never Diarrhea. I don't ever get ill and I suppose if you usually have a bout it lasts a day or so but I had it for over a week and thought my doctor was joking when she told me, my boyfriend thought I made it up aswell.

OP posts:

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 29/09/2017 22:37

He is showing you exactly who he is, you deserve better.

The fact that you love someone like this probably needs exploring with a counsellor tbh!!

Chestervase1 · 29/09/2017 22:42

I hope you have someone who can look after you and hope everything turns out well for you. Could your boyfriend just be in shock. If he isn't he's quite hateful isn't he.

LucieLucie · 29/09/2017 22:47

@Chunk90 it’s written in every leaflet inside the pill packets.

Viviennemary · 29/09/2017 22:48

You certainly shouldn't base your decision on being afraid you will lose him. The chances are he may walk away anyway whatever you do. I'm sure I have heard that diarrhoea can affect the pill as it isn't absorbed properly. Just re-read your post and see he has already made you have an abortion. He really doesn't sound very nice at all to put it mildly. Do you want to be with someone who offers so little support when you need it most. Hope things work out.

GhoulsFold · 29/09/2017 22:56

You certainly shouldn't base your decision on being afraid you will lose him

^this

Quite frankly, write him off here & now. Putting you in this position for a SECOND TIME means he will never be supportive. He's selfish, he wants to accept no accountability and is placing all the responsibility and heartache on you

I'm not saying don't have an abortion. That decision is ENTIRELY YOURS that nobody else can make - a choice you are entitled to make. But this man is not a good man. Whether you choose to go through with the pregnancy or not, he is not a good man.

(This comes from someone who's been in a similar position - I will never regret getting that POS 'man' out of my life, even though it hurt at the time)

BackInTheRoom · 29/09/2017 23:32

Your relationship is 'rocky' weak and built on sand. It's not strong enough to build on and sounds like it'll end soon anyway. So I suppose your choice is do you or do you not want to be a single parent?

Moanyoldcow · 29/09/2017 23:51

You love someone who treats you like that? You need to work on your self esteem - it's beyond me how you could feel like that about this obviously cruel man.

The baby is your decision and if you don't want to have an abortion then absolutely don't. However I echo Lucie and would not have a baby with a person like that - tied to him forever? Best case scenario is he pays maintenance and leaves you in peace but the reality is usually far worse. No fucking way.

cheeseandbiscuitsyum · 29/09/2017 23:58

He's a prize twat! How on earth is he blaming you?! It's hardly the immaculate conception. I'm sure you'll be far far happier without the knob in your life.

RedBlackberries · 30/09/2017 00:13

It's completely up to you and not at all up to him.

I know it's difficult when love gets in the way and he might be scared and he might be bluffing but you've got to be strong and imagine where you see yourself in the future and what is right for you. Men can be twats about big life changes and often they just need time to come around to stuff but don't be tempted to pin your hopes on a 'maybe things will be ok.'

BBMnD · 30/09/2017 08:51

OK, so his reaction was not great, but only you know how and why you love him, be that healthy by 'normal' standards or not. I was totally in love with my boys' dad when I found out I was pregnant. When I told him, he told me he had another woman, and gave me her phone number to 'sort it out'! This helped immensely in realising who he really was deep down. However, it still took time for me to come to a decision about the baby, being a single mum, pride, expectations, massive fear. What does your heart and guts tell you? Do you have a good support network? I had nothing material. Cried for 2 months initially. But... My boys are now ten (yep, it was twins!). He has never had anything to do with them and I can honestly say it's the most amazing thing that's ever happened. They are happy, healthy boys and I never speak ill of their dad. They've accepted he's not in their life and don't seem messed up! They don't speak with pain or venom. Ive always thought we have been blessed to know he didn't want in from the start. If you have to chase, they really can't have enough love there, and would you want not enough love for your baby? Women are amazing! A mother's strength is like no other. And so are men, but it has to be the right one for you both. Xxx

NotTheCoolMum · 30/09/2017 08:55

Honestly is he the only man in the world? Is this your only chance to have a child?

No?

Dump him and don't look back. Find a partner who loves and respects you, who is worthy of you.

MiniAlphaBravo · 30/09/2017 08:59

Why the fuck do you 'love' someone who has already made you have one abortion you didn't want and now wants another one? If he doesn't want kids why hasn't he had the snip?

Entirely up to you but I think you'd be better off single either way. Single Mum or have the termination and get rid of this loser as well, find a decent man who doesn't treat you like shit.

ChocolatePancake · 30/09/2017 11:28

You need to develop some self worth and leave him. If you're 28 and with someone who acts like THAT over finding out you're pregnant then you're in some serious trouble long term anyway. It's upto you if you want to keep the baby but it's not his choice at all. The pill isn't 100% and you didn't beg him to cum inside you

GlitterSparkles17 · 30/09/2017 11:50

I know you love him but if he’s willing to chuck you out and leave you over a pregnancy is he really the man you want to spend your life with? He sounds horrible, nasty and controlling. You will love your baby more than you ever have or will love your boyfriend.
The best thing you can do is leave him and go through this on your own, if he eventually comes round and wants to be part of the baby’s life then great but I don’t think he’s very good boyfriend material.

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