Hating NCT ... Did anyone else?

[autumnishereyay]

NC as paranoid but a regular poster.

I started NCT this week, NHS classes were during work times and thought it would be good to meet people.

Didn't realise firstly how forced the socialisation bit is. Or how useless the info is. I've seriously not learned anything, we didn't really cover anything it's just idealistic and lots of group interactions. I've had 2 of 4 sessions and it's really not been worth it so far.

It's been said so far that we shouldn't have consumed a drop of caffeine throughout all of pregnancy or labour . And we've spent a lot of time talking about lavender oil in a bowl to relax but very little useful info thus far.

Whilst this part isn't their fault, I also don't feel our group gels at all. 4 of the 7 are teachers so they may get along but we're all vastly different people. One is a GP and whilst myself and my DH have good jobs, I feel out of place with them. They spend a lot of time talking about property and work, in a way which is quite isolating to the others. Two of the couples plan to move as soon as the baby is born anyway. They're just not relatable to me at all.

I can't in a million years picture us whatsapping or meeting up. They're nice people but still.

Did anyone else feel this way? And for anyone who has done it, are WhatsApp groups and meet ups past the reunion one suggested / organised by NCT or on the group to sort? I can't imagine our group would bother at the moment if it wasn't orchestrated.

I think a huge amount depends on your teacher. Mine was very good and did practical sessions on basic baby care/C-sections/ pain relief options/ how to advocate for yourself in hospital. But my brother's was useless and the group mainly bonded over how mental she was. If you want to do a specific session on something you can ask yours.

Socially it does have a naice middle class tendency. OTOH babies are great levellers and after the birth I doubt there will be much talk about property and work! It can be very helpful to have someone local to message with "omg baby has been feeding for hours"/ "did anyone else get 0 sleep"/ "I'm losing my mind does anyone want to get a coffee". My group didn't gel long term and I don't see them now but that helped me then. But you could always do Mush and baby groups to meet people after the birth instead. Your call.

Sorry to hear this has been your experience @autumnishereyay. To be transparent I haven't done NCT- I made enquiries with our local rep and was utterly shocked at the price, £250 for two long days that weren't really convenient for us. That and my SiL had told me several times how important it was to do NCT so that you meet "the right kind of mothers"... whatever that means! (I suspect it means mums who are happy to be very competitive over every pregnancy decision and milestone that their child reaches once out). That's the sense I've had from anecdotal stories of NCT, but appreciate every group is different. I ended up going to Daisy Birthing Classes which were a fraction of the cost, I've met some utterly lovely and supportive people and we are meeting up off our own backs outside of the classes, and the added bonus that I feel they've prepared me really well for whatever route my birth takes. Maybe consider looking at other class options if this is something you still want, or sign up to activities post-baby? Your NCT group doesn't sound like it's providing you with information or support, which are the two main attractions to these things! Maybe stick out the last two or decide to use the time to pamper yourself and prepare for baby arriving instead? Xx

Also, nct usually organises one post-birth meetup and the rest is up to the group.

Ask the teacher for a breakdown of what material she is going to cover in each session (she really should of done that during day 1). It maybe that the initial session was quite "soft" to get the group comfortable before talking about more sensitive topics later on.
FWIW at my NCT sessions we got to try TENS machines, handle the epidural tubing and discuss CS as well as talk about the process of birth and looking after a newborn.
My NHS sessions on the other hand were completely useless (but the HV did pass on the nuggets that Dads are only there to carry the bags and not to sue the NHS if it goes wrong as the staff are under lot of pressure - absolutely seriously).

Your course content should be much better than that. By half way you should have covered interventions and pain relief options. Week 3 is often c-sections (you recreate an operating theatre). Complain to NCT if you're not getting what you paid for.

As for the rest of it, people are people. You'll like some, you won't like others. Although discussing your stitches and night feeds does create the sort of bonding similar to the wounded soldiers.

I felt a bit funny about my first NCT group but actually they were all lovely if all different in different ways. We were a lot longer than the other couples. The second group I did didn't really gel. I went to an NCT meet up (in the pub!) and made some lovely friends there. It was free as well.

Our course was fine, if you don't feel that they are covering what you want then give the teacher some feedback. I knew from a few classes in that I was going to have to have a c-section and our teacher was really good about covering that as well for my benefit.

As for being sociable, not really during the course, we were all heavily pregnant and working f/t, and sitting in a drafty church hall on a Tuesday evening in October talking about vaginas just because you all had sex around the same time wasn't that conducive to striking up friendships.

But by week 3, someone got everyone to write their numbers down and we set up a WhatsApp group (which was barely used until the babies started to appear). Once that happened and we were all on mat leave then it got going. We still meet up regularly three years on. I wouldn't say they were my closest friends, but there is a certain bond as we were all going through a big life changing event at the same time.

I felt the same as OP, it was pretty useless and didn't gel with the other couples.