Deciding whether to find out the sex

[roguenation]

Hi Everyone!

I was just wondering whether you could all share some stories on why (if you did) you found out the sex of your baby (or if you didn't), then how come?

My husband and I are in two minds whether we want to know and thought finding out more from you lovely people would help us make up our minds 😊

There are very few real surprises in life so I say if you can wait - then wait! I did with my first (although I could tell by the 4D scans he was a boy really). I'm personally going to find out so that my children can get used to having a brother or sister, to hopefully help with the bonding experience... probably. I came to this decision after reading an article on the matter, but I don't think it really matters, I don't think having a girl or boy baby makes any difference... they don't act any differently and to be honest I will always buy white or cream onsies and vests anyway so I can see how clean they are! Either way - it's a human baby! I don't care too much as long as they're healthy and happy!

We didn't find out with our first and quite enjoyed all the speculation before she arrived. It was nice finding out at the birth and DH telling me what we'd had.
We did find out with our second for 2 reasons. Firstly so we knew whether to keep or ditch the girly clothes as we have quite limited storage. Secondly DH had a strong preference for a boy and wanted to deal with any disappointment he might have felt about never having a son as early as possible. He didn't want his first emotion at the birth to be a negative one. Luckily we are having a boy.

We have opted to find out what this baby is (I'm 32 weeks). Despite what some posters seem to be insinuating, it doesn't mean you have a preference, it doesn't mean you just want to go and buy pink or blue, and it doesn't make the birth any less special!

You can't go wrong with either choice. I do find there is a lot of snobbery from parents who waited towards those who find out, which is a shame.

Found out with all 3. No regrets ! It's a surprise whether you find out at 24 weeks or at birth.

We found out .. we were too impatient to wait 💙 we will also find out with our second on the way!! I loved talking to my bump knowing he was a boy and we loved talking about all the things our little boy would do etc .. in this day in age now it's so much easier to find out so why not but each to their own of course xx

Didn't find out with my first because she kept her legs firmly crossed at each scan (had a lot of scans due to complications) - was nice having it as a surprise.

Found out this time though, wasn't sure whether or not to but at the scan this week, at the end the scanner asked if I wanted to know and I just said yes. She then showed his genitals and asked me what sex do I think it is and I didn't have a clue - they're not very obvious!

I do find there is a lot of snobbery from parents who waited towards those who find out, which is a shame -> This. When I told people I had found out I was surprised just how judgey some people were about what was ultimately a personal choice.

I'm personally going to find out so that my children can get used to having a brother or sister, to hopefully help with the bonding experience..

I'm glad I found out for this reason because DD was devastated to find out she's getting a little brother instead of a sister (said "I want a little sister or nothing at all!" and cried so much) so I'm glad she'll have time to adjust to the idea rather than have those negative feelings come right when he's born.

We found out for a few reasons. Firstly we both had a very slight preference for a girl and wanted a bit of time to get our heads around it if it was a boy. As it turns out, we are having a boy, and a couldn't be more excited to meet our son

Also I've had a very tough HG pregnancy. A lot of negativity involved as I was so ill and the pregnancy was the reason. I didn't want to resent the baby (I didn't but was finding it hard to be excited), so finding out the sex really helped me. He went from being something making me very ill, to being a real little person. I could imagine him, imagine our lives with him, started to feel really positive regardless of all the sickness.

On a smaller point, it's helped with hand me downs. This was a consequence rather than anything intentional. But when we said we were having a boy, about five people came forward to give us all their boy clothes! I'm not one for wrapping babies exclusively in pink or blue, and we've got a neutral nursery even though we know the sex, but realistically bags full of frilly dresses wouldn't have been much good to us. So I found that helpful.

DH also didn't want to "waste time" agonising over a name we wouldn't use . This way we could focus on boy names and not bother with girl names.

I'm glad we found out.

I've both found out and not. I would always find out now.

The baby arriving is a surprise and wonderful enough. Finding out the sex amid that chaos and excitement added nothing to the experience.

Knowing at 20 weeks is still a wonderful surprise.

Knowing what sex the baby is does help you imagine your family. When we didn't find out and the opposite sex than I was sure was coming came, I felt weird and deflated, confused. Not that the sex ever mattered but I had an assumption about what our family make up was going to be and was wrong. It took me a while to get my head around it.

Nobody, honestly nobody, actually cares what you are having so are as excited at 20 weeks as at 40. It makes zero difference to them.

It's lovely having something to know about your baby for those boring 20 weeks.

Oh and what Lemondrop said above too. I was also so so sick every time and it helped me imagine a person.

We're not finding out because we have a slight preference for one sex over the other, and I know myself quite well and know that I'm more likely to feel disappointment while the baby is still mostly just a concept to me, a picture on a screen, than when I'm actually meeting my baby for the first time.

Second reason is because this is the only thing to do with the pregnancy which DH gets to find out first.

We didn't find out, it was a nice surprise although I did find it a bit tough not knowing at points.
In terms of getting organised, I can see that knowing would help with names and would give the baby a bit of an identity which lots of people prefer, and I can see how it might help bonding. However from a practical point of view, unless you're literally going to go pink/blue is really doesn't make any difference. In fact I'm really pleased that we didn't know because people gave us lovely gifts in white/grey/blue etc. Whereas as soon as DD was born I was inundated with pink.