Hi all
I'm 33 wks pregnant and have found myself struggling a lot with anxiety which has been intensifying for probably the past 10 weeks or so. I was referred to the antenatal mental health team at the hospital because on 3 occasions (twice at antenatal clinic and once with GP) I have become really choked up and broken into tears when discussing birth of this baby and it has been occupying my thoughts almost constantly.
This is my second baby, my first birth was very difficult. I saw a clin psych at the hospital on Monday and she said I have what is called 'Secondary Tokophobia' (fear of childbirth brought on by previous traumatic birth) and that I'm showing several symptoms of PTSD.
She asked me whether I had thought about a section and I said that I have thought about it in the sense that having one would definitely lessen my anxiety a great deal although I am nervous about coping with my 2 year old plus the baby while recovering from surgery and we don't have any family to help me other than DH (live overseas)
She put down in her notes that I was willing to have a vaginal delivery but that a psychological care plan will be drawn up which will state that I should be offered early pain relief, basically on presentation at hospital, and that I absolutely don't want to be given a syntocinon drip (being denied pain relief and having the drip contributed to the difficulties I had last time)
My DH is really keen for me to request a section. To be honest, I think he has a lot of anxiety about the birth himself that he isn't really admitting too (so as not to make me worse!). He was very upset during and following DD's birth and I don't think he wants to witness another one though he of course says it is completely my decision.
I've given it a lot of thought and I'm now wondering if a section would be the right thing for me. I'm concerned that I won't cope with anything other than a smooth delivery this time, which I know can't be guaranteed. I'm worried I will panic when contractions start. Looking at the photos of the delivery room in the information leaflet the midwife gave me makes me feel nauseous.
I'm just not sure I feel emotionally strong enough to push for a section and as I'm giving birth in a public hospital I know I'm going to have to really argue my case. I have a lot of shame and humiliation left over from my first birth because it was a thoroughly humiliating experience and I lost all control. I also received comments from a horrible midwife afterwards that have really stayed with me - she told me the staff in the delivery room had been "left traumatised by my screaming". I had been asked a couple of times to stop screaming and became even more distressed because I couldn't actually stop the sound coming out of my mouth with each contraction, as if it was a kind of reflex. I think that I feel weak asking for a section and like I've failed again, before I've even started.
Can anyone offer any advice based upon their own experiences? Does anyone have any knowledge of whether this would be a justifiable reason for a section or whether it would be something I'd have to really argue for? I'm actually in Australia giving birth in a public hospital but I imagine that the system is similar to an NHS hospital. Should maybe add that this was an unplanned second pregnancy and we will be looking into permanent contraception (vasectomy or tubes tied, still unsure which) after the birth.
Sorry for the length! Many thanks in advance.